The Last We Fake

Send a text "Just follow this hallway to the end, turn left, turn right, then turn left again, not at the first but the second doorway, then turn left again and you’re there." "And that’s all there is to it?" Wanda asked.  He didn’t detect her sarcasm.  It was the totally wrong time, but with Wanda, when wasn’t it? And who was she, spread-eagled on the concrete, lying beside an...

Send a text You can’t postpone the death of the one person who always loved you, not really. Though if you try, it may lead you to some achingly dangerous places. Such as: gagging in bathroom stalls, or giving celebrity flirting lessons to a nurse with shellacked hair. Or on the cold ground beside your car, beneath the knowing fingers of a handsome doctor you felt sure you were trying to drive awa...

Send a text Wanda dances to El Watusi, the drowsy Sparx sings along, and even the suspicious nurse will chime in on “Where the Boys Are” if you flatter her enough. But after hearing Sparx may be committed, and desperately pretending it can't ever happen to her, Wanda seems tethered to the world only by her cravings. Such as: hip young Dr. Bowtie in his red Fiat, asking “Can I see you sometime...

Send a text Record player in tow, bent on igniting a party for the suicidal Sparx at Good Sam's (Marilyn Monroe stayed here--it must be good), Wanda recalls the childhood picnic where her family's powerlessness to save a crash victim stole her appetite and, seemingly, her faith in the cosmos. Now she's hiding self-inflicted bald patches under a loaned head scarf (ugly enough to shoc...

Send a text So maybe Wallichs’ "Battle of the Surf Bands" wasn’t the best time and place for Wanda to demand a display model record player for her hospitalized pal and makeup man, Sparks, her beloved mutual crybaby over “Where the Boys Are.” But she could take in the teen-bikini scene from the ledge she’s climbed up on, kick her heels to the pulsating Watusi beat, and try to make sense o...

Send a text In author Noelle Calabretta’s dream-infused and bittersweet new short story, "Sleepless Sheep," an insomniac rice farmer and failed poet who left his long-ago love beneath Mt. Fiji makes a return journey to the woods where she’s remained.  The story was developed in an upper-division fiction workshop at California State University, Long Beach.  A second-year Fine Arts Ceramic...

Send a text From begging Jock Penny’s autograph at Coffee Dan’s, to blundering into a surf music contest at Wallich's, to brushing past a wisp of her former self outside a flower shop, Wanda is waylaid by memories of better times—the onion rings at Frankie’s (“the world’s only delicious vegetable”); the awards ceremony where, slid between two beaus at an effortless 103 lbs, she’d been honored...

Send a text Using acting-school chops to conquer her deeply ingrained instinct to run away, Wanda finally phones for the directions to St. Jude's Hospital. But the flickering world at Sunset and Vine floods her with memories--from golden visits to the Hollywood Ranch Market, to the high-rise vistas behind casting couches where she used to fight her way free, to The Brown Derby. . . The Smoke...

Send a text Achieving a moment's peace between mind and body in the bathroom of June's trailer after the aborted three-way, Wanda staggers off toward a darker reality ...fully reassembled, although, yes, forgetting her horse ...  But in the shelter of her own Daytalk dressing room, teen memory is rounding the corner from summer's sewing with the relatives to riding with boys. In wha...

Send a text This week's episode:  "The Playwright,” a remarkable new short story by first-year talent Natalie Goss, about the subdued heart of a young Los Angeles theater reviewer-turned-dramatist who's losing the script.   Goss is a Child Development and Family Studies major now contemplating a minor or possible double major in English. She dreams of publishing a collection of both...

Send a text It's production as usual in Hotchkiss's office, despite the fact Sparks has landed in Good Samaritan, Wally Cleaver is sneaking cigarettes in fear of his dad, and Wanda's fixations lurch from suicide by graham crackers to the long-ago memory of a then-dark-haired actor at Sardi's (so she HAD slept with Chase McSteve!) to the sweaty three-way inside June's wardr...

Send a text Somehow surviving an equestrian gauntlet of obstacles capped by an AWOL 14-year-old Wally Cleaver (“Will you go out with me when I get my license?”), Wanda has finally managed to dial out and hear the terrifying news about her grandmother. But her stage presence is nearly shot when the rotund, legendary fright maestro who directed The Crows and 57 Stair s finds her sitting in his offic...

Send a text This was nothing like being a lamp ray glued to the back of Chase McSteve. Still, the weird-looking horse seems safe, until an explosion on the set of Abilene sends both Wanda and panicked beast off course--close enough to the home of television's Cleaver family that she could practically raid the fridge, while no closer to a word from grandmother than when she threw a jealous tan...

Send a text "In a couple days, either this would all prove to be a huge comedy of errors, or nothing would ever be the same...." It's existential overload for Wanda, as sex life, pet care, family catastrophe and unanswered phones collide with an all-powerful tub of vanilla ice cream. In what one listener describes as "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" if it were written by a...

Send a text [UPDATE TO LISTENERS: Recordings for Catherine Hein's The Celebrity are on pause for a few weeks while she gets through some health procedures and related tsuris. Wanda will be back! Correspondence and well wishes may be sent via info@alanrifkin.com. Thanks for your understanding.] This week: Some people are the type to jump on a message marked "Urgent." For Wanda, it&ap...

Send a text Half-buzzed from a night of more sex than rest with Howard the Ex, and done dirty by Dexatrim, Wanda is about to get even higher when the après le bain interview with Chase McSteve leads to deep kissing and a motorcycle date in the works. In what one listener describes as "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" if it were written by a woman, Catherine Hein's historical novel  tr...

Send a text Wanda's moonlit drive on Mulholland turns into a hillside sleep-it-off, causing her to miss a big production meeting;  then Howard somehow gets a foot in her door on the eve of her location swim with Chase McSteve. In what one listener describes as "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" if it were written by a woman, Catherine Hein's historical novel of early '60s Hol...

Send a text Wanda survives her first appearance on the new show, but careful what song you perform afterward with a broken heart. In what one listener describes as "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" if it were written by a woman, Catherine Hein's historical novel of early '60s Hollywood traces the journey of Wanda Fleming, the tenacious, calamity-prone co-host fatale of TV's...

Send a text There goes Wanda's diet after encountering ex-boyfriend Howard on the eve of her Daytalk debut. Catherine Hein's historical novel of early '60s Hollywood traces the journey of Wanda Fleming, the tenacious, calamity-prone co-host fatale of TV's Daytalk in the spring of 1962. Called to her grandmother's funeral in Orange County, the heroine must face life without...

Send a text Season 3's novel, THE CELEBRITY, by Catherine Hein, traces the Hollywood journey of Wanda Fleming, the tenacious, calamity-prone co-host fatale of TV's Daytalk in the spring of 1962. Called to her grandmother's funeral in Orange County, the heroine must face life without her closest ally, settle on one lover, conquer her eating disorder, and ace a round of Password in or...

Send a text Season 3's original novel, THE CELEBRITY, by Catherine Hein, traces the Hollywood journey of Wanda Fleming, the tenacious, calamity-prone co-host fatale of TV's "Daytalk" in the spring of 1962. Called to her grandmother's funeral, the heroine must face life without her closest ally, settle on one lover, conquer her eating disorder, and ace a round of Password i...

Send a text For this Season 2 finale, Lisa Cupolo reads her story "Whisper Screaming," about a Long Beach mother and actor whose inner question won't let her go, then talks with Alan Rifkin about the ghostly buffalo of Catalina Island. Cupolo's debut volume, HAVE MERCY ON US , recently won the W.S. Porter Prize for short-story collections. Her work has appeared in The Virginia...

Send a text Richard Bausch (“A master of the novel as well as the story ” —Sven Birkerts, The New York Times )   previews a chapter of his 13th novel, PLAYHOUSE, scheduled for release by Alfred A. Knopf on February 14, then talks with Alan Rifkin about the book and his craft. Bausch’s works have appeared in The Atlantic Monthly, Esquire, Harper’s, The New Yorker, Narrative, Gentleman’s Quarterly....

Send a text Retired Episcopal priest Gary Commins shares a new short story, "Priest and Victim," in which a pastoral meeting with a childhood rape victim turns over secrets both buried and not. Commins is the author of Spiritual People, Radical Lives as well as Becoming Bridges: The Spirit and Practice of Diversity and If Only We Could See: Mystical Vision and Social Transformation.  His...

Send a text Four-time TEXTE.WIEN https://texte.wien/ Junge Literatur competition finalist Fanny Koelbl reads and discusses her new story, “Le Weekend,” then talks with Alan Rifkin about the fathomless collusion between love, biology, and the willingness to drown.   Koelbl has previously studied in Vienna and Paris.