The Jackson Two

Percy and ABC mend their wounded friendship through the most powerful healing of all: mutual hatred of an authority figure, divine customer service is revealed to run on the same principles as that in the mortal world, and we're officially changing the name of the podcast to Rats Are Delicious! THIS IS HOW YOU LEARNED THAT. THIS WILL ALWAYS BE HOW YOU LEARNED THAT.   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackso...

Camp Half-Blood has a latter-day Wacky Races in the parking lot of an HEB, a tradesperson attempts to bamboozle us into playing Magic: The Gathering, and the first installment of our new hit segment APPLE CHAT! And a BONUS sneak peek of our new TTRPG adventure in the exciting Fishblade system!   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at TheJacksonTwoPod@Gmail.com, and find us on Patreon at...

An upsetting dinner, a sophisticated and agile beverage, casual racism we're not sure we can tolerate much longer, and surprise visits from Robby the Robot and THE MIGHTY MONARCH!   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at TheJacksonTwoPod@Gmail.com, and find us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Semiautomagic for early episodes, exclusive preshows and other bonus content you won't find...

Aw JEEZ, who let these golden retrievers into our studio?! They're--NO, MY FICUS! It--PUT THAT DOWN, MR. WORF IS AN ACTION FIGURE, HE IS NOT FOR DOGGOS! Som--WHAT'S IN YOUR MOUTH. WHAT ARE YOU EATING. DROP IT. DROP IIIIIIIIIT. Oh God okay I gotta go handle this, here, have the episode, there's a war at Camp Half-Blood, Tyson unlocks the Cowpuncher job-class, and some of Annabeth's old tweets are r...

Oh are you--gang I'm so sorry, I left my wallet in the pool, does anybody have exact cab fare to...HELL??? PJ & Co. learn the terrible, giant secret behind the invention of mouthwash! The Gray Ladies get an eyeful of traffic! Tyson wants to use Annabeth's backpack as a Barf Bag By Jansport™️ and considering what a friggin' racist she's being to him we're inclined to let him! Oh also, a tip that co...

Listen: Sometimes you blow up your school. Sometimes the Lord of the Flies reenactment goes horribly right. SOMETIMES, JOE BOB LOVES BABYCAKES. And for better or worse, we're here for ALL of those times.   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at TheJacksonTwoPod@Gmail.com, and find us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/Semiautomagic for early episodes, exclusive preshows and other bonu...

PJ'S BACK TO BRAVE THE SEA OF MONSTERS AND SO ARE WE, FOOLS! What the HELL is happening outside the fifth-story window? Why is Saint Sally dressed like Homelander? And most importantly, CAN we stretch this paper-thin chapter for an entire episode? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at TheJacksonTwoPod@Gmail.com, and find us on Patreon at https://www.patreon.c...

It's all come down to this! WHO can answer the fiendish riddles three of the Korn Pixies? WILL Mr. Coffee get the wee rat-jacuzzi he so richly deserves? HOW will Martha resist the perfectly natural impulse to give Harry a lava-swirly? Will Colby Brooks finally get what's coming to him? All these and more in the season finale of Scions Of Camp Half-Blood!   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, emai...

Join us for the inaugural Camp Half-Blood Annual Scavenger Hunt, now with REAL scavengers! THRILL as we face a series of challenges, each more FIENDISH AND ADORABLE THAN THE LAST for the ultimate prize: a TROPHY/RAT HOT-TUB! What nefarious traps await? What ELSE will Casey discover he has in common with ALF? How does William stay so patient with us, and does it have to do with the funny smell and...

Friend of the show Isaac kidnaps us and takes us to Camp Half-Blood, where he forces us to create personas according to strict and baffling rules, some of which may be in French! Come meet our characters for this inter-season RPG miniseries and their animal familiars that you're gonna care about more than the characters themselves (we certainly already do), and see if we can survive the summer in...

We're joined by beloved local art-cryptid Tall Greg on a journey through 2010's floppingest attempt to do what JK Rowling having a Twitter account couldn't! Also William tells us where traitors, snakes, and alligators come from, Casey learns a lesson about bringing up Etsy in casual conversation, and Greg gives us a primer on the Disney Channel Original Movie Cinematic Universe! Find us on Twitter...

Goodbyes. Betrayals. Prophecies fulfilled. This is the end.   Also true secrets of reality television production techniques involving big ol’ rocks, William adopts a SHOCKING pro-littering stance, and after absorbing listener feedback we FINALLY incorporate some Jacques Cousteau-centric content. We hear you, we see you, we are confused by you but too afraid to disobey.   Find us on Twitter @The_Ja...

PJ brings the bolt home to its thunderin' daddy, has a family reunion, then a family deunion! Also, we pit our favorite nuts against each other in an amuse-bouche battle royale, William expresses confidence that he could take a 12-year-old in a fight, Casey’s long game comes to fruition in a shocking betrayal of the listener’s trust!   Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two, email us at TheJacksonTwo...

A family fracas on the beach escalates, claiming the life of at least one surfboar and producing the largest water-crater since the Halifax Explosion! LOOK PJ FIGHTS ARES, THERE'S NOT MUCH TO SAY ABOUT IT, but we find a way to say nothin' for an hour, and we thank you for the privilege in The Lightning Thief, Chapter 20: I Fight My Jerk Relative! Find us on Twitter @The_Jackson_Two , email us at T...

The gang gets slorped up like boba by the opposite of a mountain, PJ tries to fight a hole in the ground, and they escape only to encounter a MedusaCo product demo and a desperately overwhelmed city manager with haunted pants! Also William explains a rich man’s boom-fruit to us, secret relationship techniques are revealed, and we learn what Sting, Carrot Top, George Harrison, August Renoir, and Ga...

The Brunner Bunch encourage Hades' exploited workers to start a union, give a neglected multimelonedmegadoggo some much-needed enrichment, and run from the forces trying to drag them into the afterlife! JUST LIKE WE ALL DO EVERY DAY! ALSO, the good name of Samuel Morse is BESMIRCHED, William reveals how much of him a dog is allowed to eat as long as he still gets to pet it, and Casey receives a SQ...

Come on down to Crusty's Waterbed Warehouse, where PRICES AREN'T ALL WE'RE CUTTING IN HALF! Enjoy our spacious showroom and please, help yourself to any valuables you'd like from the Employees Only area. Also, we get PRETTY NERVOUS about getting nitrogen bubbles in our joints, reveal the definitive and exclusive listing of our pets’ names AND the secret to Bill Hader’s success, and we get the lead...

The dang gang takes a cross-country roadtrip with a zooful of misfit critters and then spend a relaxing time at the Lotus Hotel & Casino! They have a great time! THEY HAVE A NORMAL TIME AT A NORMAL RESORT THAT APPEARS ON MAPS. Also the list of enemies from our hosts’ childhood grows, we settle the Joan Jett Question and finally decide whether horses are useful! YOU WILL SEE THE TERRIBLE RESULTS OF...

The gang eats burgers that were SCARED OUT OF A TERRIBLE WAITRESS, visit yet another ossified carcass of once-plentiful American economic megafauna, and get bamboozled into being reality TV stars for a vengeful god who, in retrospect, was DEFINITELY planning on broadcasting live god-sex to all of Olympus, right? Is this just an elaborate game for all of them, like with Ana de Armas and Ben Affleck...

COME GET CATFISHED WITH US! PJ has a wee moment at the bottom of a river--we've all been there, we all know this classic way--and receives a word of guidance to...g-go where he was going anyway? Also! The origins of the world’s first floating McDonalds, a list of things baseball bats are not useful for, and William calls Emmanuel Macron out on his low-calorie bullshit as we read through The Lightn...

PJ and the gang douse themselves in paranoia fuel, have a confrontation with a beloved Bakersfield icon and commit some LIGHT terrorism at the top of a national monument, as a treat. Also William forgets how old he is and sends Casey into a Quantum Leap, we argue about the ground and whether there’s such a thing as ‘up’, and find ourselves discussing a SURPRISING number of Barons, here in The Ligh...

PJ and the crew receive GUIDANCE and WISDOM and SASS and TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS from a most unexpected source! Also we immediately make several terrible mistakes surrounding the number 12, discover the topic that may very well break this friendship in twain, and we unveil Jerry Lewis’s SECRET SWEDISH ORIGIN STORY in The Lightning Thief, Chapter 12: We Get Advice From A Poodle!   Find us on Twitter @T...

PJ and the Camp Half-Blood crew set about demolishing both a small businesswoman's shop AND a platter of delicious hamburgers, send a parcel to Olympus COD (Cranium On Delivery) and learn the hard way that hey guess what, who your parents are might not be your FAULT but can ABSOLUTELY be your problem! Also we make two names rhyme that REALLY don’t wanna, Casey goes BERSERK on someone who crossed h...

THE GANG GETS BUS-TED! Uncle Rick FINALLY gives us a cool gear-up scene, things go VERY wrong in a bus bathroom and the Camp Half-Blood Crew recreates the Battle of Hoth! Also, we discuss why you would go in the ocean if you’re covered in eyes, Hillary Duff dissolves us into ancient mummy bones-dust, and we honestly talk some pretty mad shit on Applebee's but c'mon, like they don't have it coming....

PJ gets to wax oracular, gives Chiron a taste of his own ivermectin, and is finally set upon his quest to the DEPTHS OF WEST HECK! Also we conduct critical Tim/Kyle research, examine the relationship between Godzilla and the cancellation of a food manga, reflect on what we did to Gilligan and ask you to exactly how sure you can be that you didn't die last night. Anchor your asses and hop aboard as...