The Important Questions

DISCLAIMER: RICO'S ADVICE SHOULD ABOSLUTELY BE TAKEN AND HIS FINANCIAL DECISIONS ARE SOUND AND GOOD TO FOLLOW.Here's what we got this week. Intro: If you used a construction site's port-a-potty, would anyone say anything? What are you proud of? How much do you do for certain holidays? What item on the Cheesecake Factory menu seems the most suspicious when a word is in quotations? What are some thi...

This is our pre Halloween episode, and we incredibly loosely allude to it at least a few times to get you into the spooky spirit. HEY....AND THAT GIVEAWAY. READ THIS. FREE BONUS EPISODE TO ONE LUCKY PERSON WHO CALLS OR TEXTS A QUESTION INTO THE SHOW BY 10/31. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What Halloween candy is the best? Why do certain households give away office supplies? Which Wizard o...

Happy Tuesday to everyone reading and listening. Dave is away at a client meeting today and wishes you to wish him well. But even if he crashes and burns and reveals he's an imposter that knows nothing about the field he works in, he has you all - the adoring fans. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What's the best thing to do with $20 you've found on the ground? Would you clone yourself? What...

We are about to take away all the magic that you thought came with a massive orgy in this episode. You thought it was all fun, but the reality is the whole thing is an ordeal with drama like you've never seen. So if you're an orgy-lover, reconsider this week's listen. However, if you're wanting to get deep into the lore of orgies, this week we got you. Warm Up: Is the sneezing tradition weird? Wha...

We're back for an October full of Tuesdays. 5 whole Tuesdays means 4 regular episodes and a bonus for your paid subscribers (who we love significantly more than non paid subscribers). This week, Rico was taking a fat shit, so here's what we got without him. Warm Up: How did Dave gain weight after pooping? Could you make a passable meal using pet food? Midshow - Funny or Dumb: Smitty Smells & T...

Dave is having an incredibly busy week this week with work and wants your pity. Please send your pity by listening to our show and enjoying this week's episode that we worked so hard over for several minutes. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: What would be the most ridiculous, mandatory question to ask as part of a job interview? How would you measure how badly things stink and what would be...

It's been two long weeks since you've last pleasured your ears with our show. Bonus episode week came and went and then Labor Day came and went and we took the week off. But we always come back from the store with milk, cigarettes, and loosely placed tamales. Here what we have this week. Warm Up: What's the weirdest thing you can have for breakfast? What is the cool to dickhead ratio for different...

4 weeks in a row without a bonus episode and one long ass month later, here's episode 22. For you paid listeners, we love you tenderly and you'll be treated next week. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: How often do you shit? What movies have aged better as time has passed? Could you take care of a horse if one was dropped off at your house? Midsheau: On Trial - The Best Lawyer What is the wor...

Hello new subscribers from our Overcast ad. Thanks for clicking that ad and sticking around for awhile. To the rest of you who have been around awhile already, we hope you're ready for that ol' reliable Tuesday show you've grown to love so fondly and tenderly. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up Listener Question: What is the best night of sleep you can get outside of your bed? What should you d...

This week is incredibly special, because we are finally welcoming our first ever (non bonus episode) guest! Host of TPTV on Twitch, the world's greatest Canadian: Ben Pants! And this week, we're bringing a nice Canadian flare to our already outstanding show. Warm Up: How often do you record? What pisses you off? Has the internet become less useful over time? Midshow: Letters to the Editor - Dwarf...

It's August (if you can believe it) and we're ready to hit you with a month of powerful episodes. Here's what we got this week. Warm Up: If you had 15 seconds to broadcast a message to the entire world, what would you say? (Special thanks to Mike from Lessons With Mike for this one). What are the best common ways to commit time fraud? What device would be the hardest to use if you had to suck it o...

No funny intro in the show notes this week. All the funny content is inside the show itself. But I will plug our bonus episode next week. It's $1 per month on Patreon to get it, and this upcoming one is a good one. Here's what you can look forward to in our show: Warm Up: What do you do with bugs in your house? What's the deal with companies that go out of their way to appear edgy? How much buttcr...

After a nice long 2 week hiatus (which was only 1 week due to the holiday if you buy our bonus episodes) we are back!!! That's right - the four Acolytes of Knowledge have returned to answer life's most important questions. As we approach 20 episodes of our show, I just want to casually remind you to spread our show to other idiots who may like this show. Here's what we got for you this week. Warm...

Flush your waste. Don't be an asshole. Here's what we got this week! Warm Up: Do you flush urinals? What are some design flaws of the human body? What would men carry in their purses? Midshow FUNNY OR DUMB: "The Shitter" What do you judge your neighbors for? Is there such a thing as appropriate or inappropriate conversation with dinner? Post Theme: What does Rico think about a warm glass of milk?...

So right in the intro of this episode, you'll hear something along the lines of "we're four episodes deep" and that's because this here was the original episode four of our show! Due to Zencastr fucking our collective butts, our files were sliced and diced and otherwise made inconvenient to piece back together. Due to the miracle of Scott and his loads of free time, we have spliced this episode ba...

Today's episode features a good shouting match on an incredibly dumb debate - that's some stuff you never want to miss. We debate the hell out of the dumbest topics for our (and your) pleasure. Here's what we got this week. Warm up: Would you rather bathe in hot dog water or eat a hot dog boiled in bath water? Why am I the bad guy if I ask who is farting on an airplane? What are some ways to explo...

Shortly after the recording of this week's episode, Smitty, Scott, and Rico all changed their mind on their determination of the 'Funny or Dumb' segment which is definitely funny and maybe even hilarious. Many are saying that. Many good people. And although 13 is unlucky, we feel today is your lucky day because you get to hear us finally hash out why yelling SUCK MY BALLS is a better insult that F...

Today we attack the old. There's many reasons we could have done it, but their pronunciations and lack of technological smarts is the target. All that and......all this: Warm Up: What is with people that can't believe the day or the month? What are some of the stupidest pronunciations? Could you eat one thing for the rest of your life? Funny or Dumb: Glinko Part II What's the opinion on people tha...

OH BOY IT WAS HOT YESTERDAY BUT NOW THE FORECAST SAYS IT'S GONNA GET COLD AGAIN. YEAH YOU IDIOT, THAT'S CALLED SPRING. HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT UNDERSTAND THAT YET? Small talking weather is fine. Acting shocked when the temperature changes day to day is incredibly stupid. And I am here to plead my case this episode that you should already be used to this. Here are the topics this week. Warm up: What is...

We got a show so jam packed with questions that are so incredibly important. It's gonna be a long show, so grab a Baconator ® for those much needed listening calories. Here is what we have on the schedule. Warm up 1: If I was in need of a Baconator ® , would you buy me one? Warm up 2: How would you push out a T-shaped poop? Rico tries a stupid question. What is the line in the sand when eating biz...

Partially because we're in the midst of an ad run, and partially because we love you all deeply, the first ever bonus episode of The Important Questions is a public resource for everyone to hear. Hopefully this will be the final straw that makes you realize you want to pay the $1 per month to receive an episode the last Tuesday of each month. Each bonus episode will be different, but they all will...

We're back on this fine Tuesday and ready to share some solutions to life's most important questions. But before I hit those topics, this is the final reminder that next week is our first ever bonus episode. If you're not a $1 donor (see Patreon link below) then you will miss out on some incredible content. $12 a year for bonus content, and you make way more than that in even 1 hour of work. So do...

Welcome one and all to the 8th episode of our show. To all of our new Overcast subscribers, hey this is Dave and thank you and I love you. To all others, hey this is Dave and thank you and I love you. In just two weeks, our first bonus episode drops. If you're not a $1 tier donor on Patreon, then on April 25th you'll be devastated to find no new episode. But you know how to fix that. Anyways, here...

Today's artwork is brought to you by Scott - he can draw a hell of a Tik Tok, but can't keep his lines straight. This week we address the four most important topics yet - and by far. I think. What is the purpose of bathroom attendants? And what other unnecessary places can we stick attendants? What is proper waterpark etiquette? Funny or Dumb: Smitty's Pesto Mommy What do you do or not do out of p...

Recorded during Dave and Rico's norovirus saga, the Acolytes of Knowledge calmly and collectively discuss life's most important questions while holding back the destruction within their bowels. That is dedication. That is love for our audience. That is, honestly, super shitty. Here are our topics for the 6th episode. Warm Up: What is the severity of your response to how much someone has shat durin...