The Horror Virgin

"I got dick'ed down so bad that I moved." This weeks scariest movie was... Vampire in Brooklyn.  This movie has everything: a toothy prince looking for his queen, an ancient supernatural bachelor patiently waiting for his best friend's kid to grow up so he can shoot his immortal shot, and a Scream connections you'll never see coming. Will Todd survive this bizarre Coming to America  meet...

"Arguably a better ending than Scream!" This film has everything: ghostface killers, a group of teens so clueless they make actual horror protagonists look like geniuses, and pop culture references so 2000s they should come with a dial-up modem. If you love slashers, satire, and comedy that hits way  harder than it should, this episode’s for you! Help Support our HV Family:  www. Patreon...

"Going Super Saiyan, for Jesus" This week’s hottest movie is... The Deliverance.  This film has everything: a struggling single mother, children befriending demonic music producers, and Glenn Close delivering lines that will haunt your dreams. You’ve got the demonization of the social safety net, possessions, and an exorcism featuring Holy gibberish. If you're into supernatural thrillers that...

“More like Orphan: 5th Kill.” This week’s hottest movie is... Orphan: First Kill. This film has everything: Isabelle Fuhrman in the “role of a lifetime”, a rich family with deeply questionable instincts, and Julia Stiles going absolutely feral. You’ve got identity theft, murder cover-ups that escalate at record speed, and a twist so insane it makes the original movie look like a PBS special. If yo...

"It's like the story of the Phoenix had a baby with Persephone" This week’s hottest movie is... Revenge  (2017). This film has everything: a luxury desert getaway, a fearless heroine, and revenge so brutal it it features a blood slip and slide. If you’re into neon-drenched vengeance, stomach-churning gore, and men learning the hard way not to underestimate a woman, this episode’s for you! Hel...

"TRAINS CAN ONLY GO ONE DIRECTION!!!" This week’s hottest movie is... Species. This film has everything: a genetically engineered alien-human hybrid, a crack team of scientists, mercenaries, as well as a man who has access to his feelings, and Natasha Henstridge as a seductive alien with a tounge she can't wait to shove through the back of your head. If you’re into sci-fi thrillers with body horro...

"M3GAN FOX!!!" This week’s hottest movie is... Subservience . This film has everything: a struggling father , an AI assistant who can't wait to ease his pain, and a movie that ignores everything that is interesting in the movie. If you’re into sci-fi thrillers that make you question if having sex with a lifelike Nanny-bot is cheating, this episode’s for you! Help Support our HV Family:  www....

"Sometimes movie sets be haunted, you guys" This week’s hottest movie is... The Exorcism  (2024). This film has everything: a washed-up actor, a daughter questioning if her father's demons are literal or figurative, and a reveal so disappointing we were legit sad when it happened. If you're into meta-horror that makes you question what's real, this episode's for you! Help Support our HV Famil...

"It's clear not enough of you have googled Porter Rockwell" This week’s hottest movie is... Heretic.  This film has everything: two Mormon missionaries, a sinister, and a house would make H. H. Holmes jealous. You’ve got theological debates that escalate faster than Todd can bring up he was raised the in LDS Church and Paige droping tons of cult knowledge. If you’re into faith-based thrillers...

"Sometimes it takes a good guy in a frock to stop a bad guy in a frock" This week’s hottest movie is... The First Omen . This film has everything: a young American nun sent to a Roman orphanage, sinister conspiracies lurking in the Vatican's shadows, and a quest to prevent the birth of the Antichrist. If you're into supernatural horror that intertwines faith and fear, this episode's for you! Help...

"Doctore is, possibly a god, or Iron Man" "This week’s hottest movie is... Jason X. This movie has everything: a frozen killer resurrected in space, a spaceship with worse security than a convenience store, and futuristic teenagers who still make terrible decisions (thank god). If you’re into slashers with a sci-fi twist and body counts higher than the spaceship's oxygen levels, this episode’s for...

"It's always the person you most suspect" This week’s hottest movie is... MaXXXine.  This movie has everything: neon-soaked 1980s chaos, VHS tapes with a body count, and Mia Goth delivering a performance so intense it could melt a Walkman. If you’re into slasher flicks with a synthwave soundtrack and enough twists to snap a Rubik’s Cube, this episode’s for you! Help Support our HV Family:&nbs...

"This movie changed my live" This week’s hottest movie is... The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  This movie has everything: a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania, a tap dance break, and a muscle-bound creation named Rocky who’s more Ken doll than Frankenstein. You’ve got shadowy castles, eccentric guests who burst into song at the drop of a top hat, and audience callbacks so iconic...

"Remember. You are Pod" This week’s hottest movie is... The Substance . This film has everything: a fading Hollywood starlet, a black-market serum, and a younger doppelgänger with a mind of her own. You’ve got body horror that Cronenberg would be proud of, and Demi Moore delivering a performance so fierce it could cut diamonds. If you’re into twisted tales that hold up a mirror to society, you'l l...

"The subtext is so loud it's all you see on the screen" This week’s hottest movie is... I Saw the TV Glow . This movie has everything: eerie late-night broadcasts, friendships forged in the flicker of static, and a metaphor so obvious it is impossible to miss. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when the line between TV and reality gets scrambled, tune in to this wild ride. We’re joined by the fa...

"His leg's didn't seem all that long" This week’s hottest movie is... LongLegs . This movie has everything: a serial killer, detectives who solve crimes by flashlight alone, and cryptic notes that look like they were written by a the Zodiac. You’ve got unsettling alleyways, ominous shadowy figures, and a murder mystery so twisted it could use a chiropractor. If you’re into spine-tingling thrills w...

"I almost shit myself" This week’s hottest movie is... Alien: Romulus.  This movie has everything: acid-spewing xenomorphs, a terrifying spaceship, and space colonists whose survival instincts are questionable, at best. Join us, alongside Chris Demarais from Good Morning From Hell  and Tales for the Stinky Dragon , as we unravel the extraterrestrial chaos and fight to keep our lunches do...

"On the wings of love!!!!" This week's hottest movie is...  Lisa Frankenstein.  This movie has everything: reanimated corpses, Cole Sprouse as a Victorian boyfriend, and neon-lit graveyards. Plus, Lisa gives her undead crush a makeover that involves spray paint and a leather jacket—because, Colin, what’s true love without a little body modification? If you love movies that blend campy ho...

"The one where Paige watched the wrong movie" This week's hottest movie is... Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers. This movie has everything: creepy old houses, chase scenes in an attic, telepathy, and a scene where Dr. Loomis literally uses a child as bait to trap Michael. There’s also a mysterious ‘Man in Black’ who keeps lurking around, setting up more sequels than anyone asked for. We ho...

"It's Blade, Ryan Reynolds, and Jessica (not Alba). " This week's hottest movie is... Blade: Trinity. This movie has everything: a vampire apocalypse, a wisecracking vampire hunter, and a laser bow. Oh, And did I mention Dracula shapeshifts and runs shirtless through the desert? If you love vampire hunters who 30 seconds of screen time loading songs on to her first generation iPod during fights, y...

"A Movie so Mikey that Mikey had to guest" This week's hottest movie is... Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead. This movie has everything: brain-drilling silver spheres, undead looters, psychic links, and Reggie the ex-ice cream man wielding a quad barrel shotgun. If you love action-horror with a side of dimension-hopping, you’ll adore this crazy movie. Help Support our HV Family:  www. Patreon.co...

"Who let this dude have a daughter?!?" This week's hottest movie is... Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. This movie has everything: exploding heads, dream demons, and Freddy Krueger wielding a Nintendo Power Glove . There’s even a surprise family reunion—because guess what? Freddy has a daughter! If you love movies that don’t know if they want to be horror or comedy, you’ll love this crazy ride....

"Did they person who wrote this movie not know what Scat is?" This week's hottest movie is... The Faculty. This movie has everything: parasitic aliens, caffeine-based drugs, mind controlled athletes , and Jon Stewart as a possessed biology teacher. Plus, Josh Hartnett’s character, Zeke, is a god. (AKA Seal Team One). If you love movies where a ragtag group of teens team up to save the world, you'l...

"Freaky Friday the 13th" This week's hottest movie is... Freaky  from 2020. This movie has everything: body swaps, murderous mayhem, high school drama, and Vince Vaughn acting like a teenage girl trying to dodge death by midnight. If you love a mix of slasher kills and laugh-out-loud comedy, you’ll love this movie and episode. Help Support our HV Family:  www. Patreon.com/HorrorVirgin Wh...

"Sebastian Stan is doing the most and I love it" This week's hottest movie is... The Covenant  from 2006. This movie has everything: family secrets, shirtless brooding, and powers that age you like old cheese. It's a wild battle between two rich kids that feels familiar but also extremely inaccessible in the best way possible. We loved this crazy movie and hope you will too. Help Support our...