The Greatest Generation

When the Enterprise engages in war games, their opponent is the biggest WOPR of them all: Commander Riker. Unfortunately for Captain Picard, Riker's team includes Ensign Crusher (the Boy?), and a threat from an unexpected foe. Who gave Picard a hickey? Is one of Riker's crew giving off Laura Dern vibes? What are the chances of getting a "Natural Yeager"? It's the episode with excellent finger dext...

When unfrozen caveman Klingons are about to thaw out in a nice suburban neighborhood, Starfleet sends their sexiest emissary to try to talk Picard into a murder-based solution to the problem. Tensions rise when Worf can’t keep his cool around his lab partner, but Troi has some zit popping videos on her iPad that help everyone calm down. Is Data the ship’s best cock-blocker? Is K’Ehleyr going to ge...

When the Enterprise goes on Uber-duty for a couple of fish people, Lwaxana Troi drops by for a visit. Then, things somehow get even worse when Captain Picard bails on the show and hides in the holodeck. Is Troi's mom more destructive than Q? Is Pacifica the galaxy's Howard Johnson hotel? Why don't more guest stars get "The Tesh Treatment"? Plus, we announce a t-shirt contest! It's the episode that...

When Dr. Pulaski covers for Worf, he returns the favor by showing her what sex is to him. Meanwhile, the ship rescues some Space Irish from some kind of Space Blight before heading off to find their long lost cousins. How dangerous is a Klingon toilet plunger? Why is the transporter beaming people up with the ground underneath them? What are the downsides of phasering your own clone? It's the epis...

When the Enterprise answers a distress call from a ship full of Lennies, the crew's instincts are to offer assistance. Unfortunately, the Pakleds pet Geordi a little too hard as he's tending to their problems. Meanwhile, the captain and Wesley (the BOY?) go on a road trip in the Previa so Picard can have a "little procedure." Could Toto have improved this episode? Who are the rank pips really for?...

Picard gets super salty when Q kidnaps him in a stolen Previa, but things go from bad to worse when the ship gets frisbeed into the path of the galaxy’s shittiest Rubik’s Cube. Does Guinan have the only locking door on the ship? Why are the Borgs so interested in the Jim Shimoda Memorial Corner? Is the crew even ready to go on star treks? It’s a very special episode of Borg Maury. Support the prod...

When the Enterprise explores a sector full of about to explode planets, the crew decides to put Wesley (the boy?) in charge. But when Data decides to turn the sensors on high, the results interrupt Captain Picard's private "chaps time." Is Worf in a death cult? Where can our listeners send their corrections? Can't Picard do better than a Continental breakfast for his meetings? It's the episode wit...

When Riker’s daddy comes aboard, his sexual magnetism finally meets its match. After a few days of bickering, it all comes to a head in an American Gladiator match that gives Code of Honor a run for its money in the racism department. What was Worf’s job interview like? Can the ship's three most socially inept crewmen throw a good party? Will Riker take Picard’s advice on a new way to get off? It’...

When the Enterprise finds an IKEA shuttlepod floating in space, they (what else?) bring it aboard for a closer inspection. What they find inside is a very tan, extremely well-rested clone of Captain Picard whose body, unlike the original Picard, does not respond well to stimulants. How will Wesley (the boy?) tell them apart? What's the cost of destroying a Galaxy-class starship? Why didn't Riker s...

When the crew beams a big pile of ship aboard, they decide to beam down to a planet with a frozen fart-based atmosphere to investigate. The DustBuster club quickly find themselves trapped in a nightmare vacation to Vegas. Is Worf behind the lack of door locks on the Enterprise? Is Picard's love of trashy novels distracting him from mounting a sincere rescue operation? Is playing along with a bad b...

When the Enterprise crosses the neutral zone to touch dongles with another Galaxy-class ship, it soon becomes infected with a computer virus that threatens to kill everyone onboard. But rather than "turn it off, then turn it on," the crew troubleshoots the problem by doing a little light archaeology. Did the USS Yamato get infected by Nagilum? Does Wesley (the boy?) have a direct line to Captain P...

When Wesley meets an age-appropriate romantic partner, Picard is put in a foul mood. To make matters worse, the Enterprise’s 5 star Uber rating is at risk. While Worf and Dr. Pulaski have both met their match in a mean old lady, The Boy is going on dates and offering chocolate to his new friend, but she has a secret second ‘look’ that might be a deal breaker. Is Guinan the ship’s best counselor? D...

When the Enterprise stops off at Starbase 173 for routine maintenance, Captain Picard reacquaints himself with an old flame hoping to JAG him off. But it's courtroom drama instead of bedroom action on the docket when a hotshot commander threatens to take Data apart to learn how he works. Is it possible that Riker has a better poker face than Data? Is busting a chair across a woman's teeth Picard's...

When Riker takes a temp position on a Klingon ship, it’s ironically the Enterprise that contracts a venereal disease. While the Commander is attempting to arrange an interspecies three-way, the ship develops a rash and uncomfortable discharge. Fortunately, the sequel to Chaotic Bro is on the case. Will Wesley (the boy?) finally try vaping? Did that rust come from some bad decisions made in late-80...

When the Enterprise encounters a ship full of dead seniors, their immediate concern is the smell. Their investigation leads back to a science facility where experiments in genetics have taken a dangerous turn, creating a race of non GMO-free people. How many cans of soup can a starship hold? Is Star Trek anti-science? Is Chief O'Brien a con artist? It's the episode that has plenty of handrails! Su...

When Data's grandpa is diagnosed with an incurable illness, he doesn't express much grief, and in return, his grandpa steals his body and makes a play at immortality. It would have been a perfect plan, but the old man was set in his ways, and really doesn't know how to act in a modern, professional starship setting. Will the crew catch on that Data is once again not who he claims to be? Will Data'...

When the Enterprise has to transport Ginger Jesus to a peace negotiation between some ersatz Klingons, his sexual super-magnetism is a distraction for some of the crew. Their 5-star Uber rating is seemingly in the bag until his cadre of helpers is killed on an away mission, forcing the diplomat to talk only with his hands. Are these the worst alien effects we've seen? What's a job interview like f...

When the world's shittiest Han Solo breaks down within hailing range of the Enterprise, the women of the ship are extremely hospitable to him. Meanwhile, Data is desperately trying to learn the secrets of comedy by playing the holodeck on fast forward. Then a bunch of squabbling aliens with extremely retrograde beliefs surrounding procreation and marriage beam aboard and somehow make Data's storyl...

When Data and Geordi get some down-time, they use it like no one else would: playing Sherlock Holmes on the Holodeck. But when Geordi sets the computer's difficulty settings to "All-Madden," Moriarty begins dropping bangers all over the ship, and has become an adversary more powerful than either of them expected. What is a warrior's hat? Is Dr. Pulaski a functional syntheholic? What does it sound...

When the Enterprise finds a hole in space, nobody is more excited to explore it than Commander Riker, but after it envelops the ship, he (and everyone else) learns a powerful lesson about consent. Once inside, they're faced with an adversary acting like a six-year-old holding a magnifying glass over an ant colony. Will Captain Picard finally get his opportunity to go down with the ship? Will Ensig...

When Counselor Troi becomes unexpectedly pregnant, the Enterprise crew has a ton of questions: "When did this happen? "Who's the father?" and "How quickly can we abort it?" Troi makes it clear she's keeping it, but there's no time for a baby shower because this baby grows so fast that it's born in only a few days. After another few days, it's tall enough to go on the rides at Disneyland! How big w...

When Data and Worf beam some popsicles aboard the Enterprise, the doctor thaws them out, which treats the whole ship to an unfrozen caveman legal drama. And that's not to mention all the starbases and outposts that are being disappeared, presumably by Romulans, along the edge of the Neutral Zone. Picard quickly gets to the end of his rope when one of his primeval passengers tries to get involved i...

When Captain Picard's old friend sends him a "U up?" message in the middle of the night, it's enough to send the Enterprise back to Earth to investigate evidence of a Federation conspiracy. There, the crew is reunited with some familiar faces: Inspector General Dexter Remmick and Admiral Gregory "Roundhouse" Quinn. Does Dytallix B cause hair loss? Is Picard impervious to being "Picosby-ed"? Who ke...

When Captain Picard's fencing match gets cut short by a bad case of deja vu, the Enterprise crew is forced to grapple with his romantic regrets, not to mention a temporal catastrophe that threatens the entire quadrant. Their investigation leads to a fringey German scientist, who married Picard's ex-girlfriend. Will Beverly's deep jealousy impact her obligation to keep the scientist alive? Is Data...

When Counselor Troi's driver puts their shuttlecraft into a ditch on planet Vagra II, it's up to the Enterprise to play the part of AAA. It's just too bad that Armus is there, blocking their way and being a real jerk about it. Did Worf hedge his bet on Tasha Yar? Why are business trip conferences still a thing in the future? Did Leland T. Lynch "Argyle" himself off the show? It's the episode where...