The Greatest Generation

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When a legendary Vulcan diplomat starts acting strangely ahead of an important conference, the Enterprise crew chalks it up to old age. But when his brand of mental disability becomes contagious, glass tables around the ship aren't the only thing in jeopardy. Can we workshop a worse throw-to-title scene? Is this episode "canonical Ghostbusters 2"? What happens to a kid at a bar fight? It's the epi...

When a con man abducts commander Data, his only ways to pass the time are trying to smile and trying to sing to a hand puppet. The Enterprise crew’s only hope is to start taking Geordi’s conspiracy theory website seriously. What century has the best bubblegum smell? How anti-semitic is this whole deal? Is her chin messed up because alien or because surgery? It’s an episode that has fewer small han...

When a problematic engineer takes out his frustrations on the holodeck, everyone questions the protocol of recreating real crew members there. But after the ship's glassware is threatened, the fragility of the rest of the Enterprise systems are exposed. Why can't you just transfer your problems to the USS Hood? How do you responsibly dispose of your old pornography? Is Geordi not the creepiest guy...

When low rent Michael Rapaport comes aboard, the Enterprise finds itself in a race to capture a living starship that the Romulans really want. Will putting Rapaport on suspension stop the mayor from breathing down Picard’s neck? How big can a banger get? What's this proctology exam going to turn up? It’s an episode where Ben and Adam have creative differences about the show. Support the production...

When Captain Picard needs a backrub, Doctor Crusher prescribes a vacation. Trouble is, the all-inclusive resort Commander Riker recommends appears to be "full service," and the pages in his book aren't spill proof. Can Picard go "chest to chest" with Riker? Is there any job on the Enterprise dangerous enough for red pants? What is "low knuck"? It's the episode where we prescribe to "The Maron Rule...

When Picard is re-re-re-body snatched and replaced by an insane impostor, the crew goes through the same routine of misgivings-leading-to-mutiny that they always do. Meanwhile, the real Captain has to escape from space jail with a blue cadet, an ersatz Nausicaan, and a big fan of Australian opera. Who will wind up doing the corny monologue jokes in this episode? Will Wesley let Picard hit on Bever...

When the Klingon exchange program gives the Enterprise a very hostile second in command, it's up to the crew to fall in line or risk being murdered in a turbolift. The new guy's meatloaf looks familiar, so he and Worf take a trip to visit their old stomping grounds to dispute an old family controversy. What's the mortality rate in a Klingon hospital? Is it a good idea to "sprinkle the dog" around...

When Data has a child out of wedlock, the Captain is furious. But when an Admiral from Child Protective Services decides to come take away the bouncing baby android, Picard goes into full blown lawyer mode. What are Riker’s intentions towards Data’s daughter? Can Picard just routinely defy Starfleet? It’s an episode with more Kevin Uxbridge than the Kevin Uxbridge episode. Support the production o...

When a butthole in space expels a version of the Enterprise from the past, the crew we've come to know are changed in ways no one can perceive - except for Guinan. In this alternate reality, the Klingons are eating the Federation for breakfast, and Captain Picard has to decide whether or not to send the visiting ship back to its own time. Could Worf be a "secret old"? Shouldn't Yar be due for a pr...

When Riker gets accused of murder, Picard fights his first officer’s extradition the only way he knows how: by putting together a few days of holodeck Rashomon. The situation gets dire when radiation starts turning the ship into Swiss cheese. Why doesn’t Data compare Picard’s art style to potato Jesus? Is there any explosion Chief O’Brien can’t pull an away team out of? Is Riker secretly a total m...

When Q appears on the bridge naked and powerless, the Enterprise crew begrudgingly grants him asylum as they troubleshoot an Armageddon-sized problem for a planet in trouble. But as Data teaches him what it's like to be human, one of Q's old nemeses plans its revenge while he's the most vulnerable. How does Q decide his bodily proportions? What's the safest restaurant appetizer? Who is "Malibu Q"?...

When Dr. Crusher is kidnapped while having lunch on a hostile planet, the Enterprise crew finds themselves in the middle of a dispute between outdoor mall architects and cave aficionados. It isn't long before Beverly diagnoses the terrorists with a transporter-related illness, which is unfortunate given how enjoyable transporting sounds to them. Why is everyone afraid of Dr. Crusher? Did Kevin Uxb...

When Rambo Jason Bourne in Space breaks out of a penal colony with a boring name, the Enterprise crew become U.S. Marshals. It’s a hard target search of the star system and the ship that turns up more than the locals had bargained for. When did Farmer Hoggitt grow that molestache? Is Roga Danar the frontman of a rock band called Breadcrumbs of Destruction? Its an episode we recorded in the aftergl...

When a Romulan tries to pull a Hunt for Red October, Picard has to decide whether to take the Federation to the brink of war. When the guy gets on board, it really puts a cramp in Picard and Data's rehearsal schedule. How hard is it for the Enterprise crew to trust these admirals after Conspiracy? If Picard is Jack Kennedy, does that make Tomalak Khrushchev? Can Patrick Stewart maintain his status...

When the Enterprise is dispatched to the scene of a tossed outpost, the crew must moderate a dispute between a group of rowdy professional wrestlers and their elderly grandparents. Captain Picard's diplomatic strategy is to pour brandy and chill, but an alien seductress has more on her mind than meets the eye. Can rank be determined by the depth of a deep V? Is the podcast gaining our hosts member...

When the Enterprise plays host to a ‘hole’ auction, Riker gets in on the action, leaving Troi to be pursued by Lloyd Braun. It isn’t long before he’s creepily touching her hair. Is a deep vee and a male gaze the only sure way to attract 24th century women? How do you bang in a bunkbed shuttle? Can Riker’s dog be bigged? It’s the episode that turns a previously three dimensional character into a fl...

When the Enterprise drops off a Dustbuster Club on a planet besieged by plot-forwarding radiation, the away team loses track of Geordi and beams up an injured Romulan instead. Stuck in a hole and slowly going blind, Geordi's fate lies with an ally who discloses some troubling opinions about eugenics. How careful do you have to be when a Romulan pulls you over? Can gaberdine wick away moisture befo...

When the ship gets stuck in some mud, Geordi is the only person onboard ship who gets put to work on saving the crew. Naturally, he makes himself a virtual girlfriend to help out along the way. Will Picard try to steal her like he stole Minuet? Has Chief O’Brien found the best way yet to kiss Picard’s ass? Was Geordi just drunk the entire time? It’s the episode where Adam talks about an uncomforta...

When an away team accident kills a member of the Enterprise crew, it's up to Captain Picard to deliver the bad news to the newest member of the orphan club. Their grief doesn't last for long, because the fallen crew member reappears and promises a new life for the son she left behind. Is there such a thing as a bloodless Klingon ceremony? Why does Wesley (the boy?) have his own room? Is there more...

When a cloaked observatory gets hit with a banger, the Enterprise needs to step on the gas to rescue some more gray haired scientists before the Prime Directive gets violated. On their arrival, the Enterprise crew just can’t help but violate it themselves, and violate it over and over. It should come as no surprise that this involves Riker going around the planet in a deep vee. Can Picard get out...

When the Enterprise discovers the aftermath of an attack on a planetary colony, they become suspicious of the two elderly survivors shacked up in the nicest house on their block. These survivors also seem unusually obsessed with their landscaping, which catches Commander Riker off-guard. But when Counselor Troi gets a bad song stuck in her head, the crew starts to wonder if there's something sinis...

When a race of Hefty bags wants to tarp over a planet with 15,000 humans living on it, the Enterprise has to consider taking them on a Kid Rock cruise. The only crewmember immune to the local radiation is Data, so he beams down only to find an obtuse demagogue with a weird voice is running the place, and the guy doesn’t believe that the Hefty corporation even exists. Is Data a secret practitioner...

When the Enterprise breaks down while conducting a science mission, Wesley (the boy?) is at fault. Unfortunately, he observes the Chaotic Bro code of silence, which forces the dumpy professor in charge of the experiment to take matters into his own hands. What does it mean to get "The Frakes"? Do we or don't we want to be in the pocket of Big Rodd? How many pips does Jame Gumb have? It's the episo...

When Riker gets some DNA in him, it’s not just from another romp on the holodeck. Unfortunately, the STD test comes back positive and it's a race against time to save his life. Dr. Pulaski hatches a plan to make Riker re-watch episodes of the show that would even make Captain Picard shudder. Is Chief O’Brien trying to give Pulaski a heart attack? Is Troi going to be ok when Riker’s most erotic dre...