The Greatest Generation

When the ship drives some of its wheels over a wet lawn, things start to slow down. If that wasn’t boring enough, our focus is almost entirely on a couple of cherubic little girls running around sensitive areas of the ship. Why doesn’t Ogawa have a back-zip yet? How do you get to be a forty year-old ensign? Should Alexander be playing with his loaf like that? It’s an episode that Ben was very emba...

When the Entrepreneur makes an unscheduled stop on the way to a passenger's destination, the diversion puts more than the ship's 5-star rating in jeopardy. But when a giant Glassybaby in the cargo bay falls over, its contents prove to be irresistible to just about everyone on board (except those with a special conscience). Who's working the bag check on the Enterprise? Is the marimba the most roma...

When some stripper glitter starts clogging critical ship systems, the Entrepreneur crew have a much worse problem to deal with—and she has kompromat on the show’s writers. In what way does this differ from Burning Man? What’s wrong with Adam’s chili recipe? Is the ship’s computer rejecting the premise of the episode? How is Minister Campio ever gonna get a square job when he has all those crazy ta...

When Captain Picard returns to Earth to give a commencement speech at Wesley (The BOY?!) Crusher's academy graduation, no one stops to consider what happened LAST time he was in the Terran system. Meanwhile, Wesley's entire squadron is under investigation after an accident kills a teammate. Is it possible to hear embarrassment? Should you always start a speech with a joke? How much loaf are you al...

When the Entrepreneur asplode, this one Sonny and Cher song keeps playing over and over again, and it’s giving Geordi a headache. The crew starts to become aware that there may in fact be a glitch in the Matrix, and the clock is ticking on coming up with a good escape plan. Why doesn’t the ship have any crumple zones? What’s the best way to ruin the film Undercover Brother? Does Riker have a littl...

When the Entrepreneur finds an area of space that does not conform with the crew's preconceptions, they aren't sure which pronouns to use to describe it. They face a similar challenge addressing a race of people inhabiting a nearby planet, which inspires Commander Riker to employ some Pea Soup diplomacy. Can we finally be funny about a serious story? How do you get stink off of a main character? W...

Worf’s run of bad back luck continues, and this time it’s a prognosis worse than death for the carpet-clad warrior. Now Dr. Crusher is desperate to stop another space Mengele from using Worf as a loafy Guinea pig, and Riker is disgusted with the Klingon’s fatalistic belief system. Is the ‘bay the only thing Worf hates more than doors? Are all spinal surgeons this Sajaky? Why are all of Picard’s op...

When the Enterprise responds to a distress signal sent by an ugly starship, they decide to rendezvous with it in a dark planetarium. But after their away team returns acting strangely they start a firefight in ten-forward, where no glass table is safe. How far will O'brien go to avoid dinner with Keiko? How much prep is involved in trying a new orbit? Can a transporter help with "going clear"? It'...

When the crew forgets who they are, an extra voice is added to the mix, confusing even the most careful radio listener. The ship is running silent on a critical mission to take out a hated enemy, but when Picard gets an itchy buoy-floating finger, the XO threatens mutiny. Is MacDuff using Riker’s battle bridge as his sleeping quarters? Who is typically armed when working on the bridge? Is the bad...

When the Enterprise crew tracks the path of some interstellar star trash, they discover a biosphere built inside an outlet mall. But when their genetically engineered population thinks about hitching a ride out of the way, Captain Picard has to decide how long to delay their decision. Why is everyone okay with eugenics all of a sudden? Who is at the top of the Moab IV food chain? Could we talk abo...

When some aliens with very upsetting temple loaf hitch a ride, Troi wakes up in a coma after one of them forces himself inside her mind. Unaware of the crime or its gravity, the crew tries to figure out what’s causing senior staff to slip into comas one by one. Is Riker really a horrible person? Did Marina Sirtis really punch that guy? It’s the episode that is almost impossible to make jokes about...

When Data rescues the only survivor from a wrecked starship, his feats of strength are so impressive that the boy can't help but want to be like him. But when his android burlesque goes deeper than just getting a new haircut, the story about what happened on his ship gets called into question. What do you do about blown sideburns? Who wrote an insult in Troi's yearbook? What is the capitol of Nebr...

When the Entrepreneur takes part in an exciting propulsion experiment, Worf is distracted by the demands that fatherhood has thrust upon him. His son Alexander is coming to live on the ship whether we like it or not. Is the scientist an alien, or just a guy who didn’t listen to his dermatologist? Is stealing a thing when there are replicators? Why is that one toy so ubiquitous in medical environme...

When a burlap clad professor from the 26th century pulls his doorstop up to the Entrepreneur, they take a detour from rescuing an imperiled planet to fill out his questionnaires. But when he starts taking the five finger discount on all the ship’s tricorders, the previously credulous crew gets angry. Will Geordi’s tauntaun freeze before he reaches the first marker? Why couldn’t Guinan have cleared...

When Captain Picard finds Ambassador Spock on Romulus, he attempts to talk him into returning home before their next meal. Spock demurs, and instead chooses to visit a ramen place everyone's raving about. Meanwhile, Commander Riker goes to a karaoke bar with Worf, whose interpretation of an opera song is not a hit with the audience. Do Trekkers have to choose between "Old Testament Rod" or "New Te...

When Admiral TKTKTK gives Picard an emergency message, it’s news nobody wants to hear: It looks like Ambassador Spock is being a rebellious teen. Now the Captain and Data will have to go to Romulus to make sure there’s a chaperone at the party Spock went to. Meanwhile, the Entrepreneur is trying to figure out what the pawn shop was thinking when they sold a ship that the Vulcans were still making...

When Commander Riker returns from holiday on Risa, he's totally obsessed with playing "Suck Disk." But when Wesley (The Boy?!) sees how dumb-looking the glasses are, he turns his sights on an age-appropriate co-worker instead. Which sexual subculture are you into if you display a horga'hn AND credit cards? What color is Worf's apron? How many Coogi sweaters are in Wesley's closet? It's the episode...

When the Entrepreneur takes a smoke break in-between Uber missions, the ship is afflicted by some of the biggest bangers yet. The scattered crew have to do what they do best: solve problems that only crazy television writers could think up. What will befall all the extra glass tables in Ten Forward? What Christmas Pageant did these kids come from? Will Data’s suicide wish finally come true? What’s...

When the glass pinecone that Data’s brother has been hanging around with makes an unwanted reappearance, it dashes Riker’s hope of post-curry coitus. Starfleet is quick to dispatch a rare old lady-scientist to debate everybody about the relative merits of revenge. Is Captain Picard turning into Burke? Who should shampoo Adam’s crotch? Will she turn Data into an even weirder real doll? You don’t ne...

When "The Bad Girl of Starfleet" beams aboard the Entrepreneur, the crew treats her like an outcast. But when a sneaky admiral assigns her a secret mission, her true nature is revealed. How do you get an appointment at Starfleet Supercuts? How does Guinan know when you need her? Just what is Starfleet Uniform Code, anyway? It's the episode that's one big love letter to Michelle Forbes. Support the...

When the walls fall at Shaka, Kiazi’s children’s faces get really wet. The beast is at Tanagra, but it’s anyone’s guess where Darmok and Jalad are w/r/t the ocean. Will Zinda’s face be black and his eyes red? Who, if not Mirab, is going to unfurl these sails? Is Uzani’s army going with the fist open or the fist closed? Is the river Temarc in winter or what? It’s the episode that opens Sokath’s eye...

When the Enterprise chooses the flashpoint of a Klingon civil war to begin the galaxy's biggest game of Cat's Cradle, Klingon Jake's future in the empire is at stake. But when Captain Picard's most dramatic "Apparently..." story comes back to haunt him, it's up to Commander Data to take command of a little ship with a secret strategy. Does the Sutherland have a clip show machine? What's the name o...

Worf’s honor and civil war hang in the balance when Captain Picard is called back to Qo’nos to be a witness on Gowron’s ketubah. But there’s a not-so-sneaky Romulan sneaking around, and the Duras Sisters are eager to ruin the big jacket-putting-on ceremony. Is that Klingon Jake? Is Guinan the best marksman on the Entrepreneur? Does ‘Romyarlan’ work? How does it affect the monitors if you sharpen a...

When a workplace romance ignites between Data and a co-worker, the nebula they're studying isn't the only place where the fireworks are going off. But when dark matter starts getting flung at the ship, Captain Picard must arrange for a tow to get the Entrepreneur out of danger. Can you get satisfaction from a dark button? What happens when you go "full Nic Cage"? How do you clean a carpet stain th...

When Geordi gets Manchurian Candidated by Romulans, Data has to do a whole lot of research to uncover the plot, and we suspect that a Klingon ambassador might be from Shaolin Island. Is Deanna hitting on Geordi? Is Chief O’Brien the most potted of all the plants on the ship? Why is Data downrange when they test-fire the gun for ballistics? It might be the most racist episode of Trek yet. Support t...