The Greatest Generation

When Vedek Bareil gets a powerful Kai Election, Kira gets fairly hot under the collar. But when Vichy allegations start getting tossed around liberally, the Bajoran Papacy might go to someone who can cause Keiko some real problems. How do you pronounce a French thing? How could we have made that Michael Dukakis photo-op worse? Is wet leather an important waypoint on the path to nirvana? It’s an ep...

When Major Kira and Doctor Bashir get a flat tire while going through the wormhole, the nearest exit takes them to a place that looks like home. But when they arrive, they find O’Brien responding to his life in the same way he always has. What can’t you give away in prison? Is Bashir just a dorky Dad? Is John Roderick from the Mirror Universe? It’s ten pounds of episode in a two pound bag! Support...

When a headache seems more serious than normal, Garak’s traditional evasiveness begins to stand in the way of Bashir’s ability to keep him alive. But when the doctor goes on a B & E to help his friend, he may end up condemning the tailor to a life of pure misery. Why doesn’t Dax manscape her house plants? Does Quark have a nonstick coating on that loaf? Is Odo’s true calling as a Roto-Rooter? Its...

When Calvin Hudson walks Commander Sisko through his plan to leave the Federation, his fugitive turn has implications that will last well past laundry day. But when Gul Dukat rides shotgun for the mission to bring him to justice, Sisko’s allegiances become complicated. What is the unified theory of non-Starfleet uniforms? Why are there so many farmers in Star Trek? Is there a question you should n...

When Male-Pattern-Baldness-Barclay commits an act of terrorism, Station Commander Sisko hits the road with an old frenemy. But when everyone in the DMZ starts using cheat codes, loyalties are tested and well-treated prisoners are dying. What is Cal Hudson telegraphing with that low com badge placement? Does Gul Dukat have resting threat voice? It’s the episode where we go on an Excellent Adventure...

When the Klingon chapter of the Dead Sons Club holds a meeting on DS9, Dax goes way back with some of the board members. But when the plan for the next meeting leads to a far away planet and a Scarface-like enemy, it forces her to choose between her career at Starfleet and an oath to her friends. Which X-Men side-scroller character are you? What’s the person version of object permanence? Is loaf j...

When their brand new ship takes a lot of body damage, some radical Cardassians put in at the station for a buff-out. But when the pilot turns out to be an old friend of Quark’s, his interest in her becomes more than academic. What does Quark get out of giving oral? Is ‘bloody dress’ a fashion statement or a metaphor? Could Odo ever safely impersonate a table at the Promenade’s Chili’s Too location...

When a new arrival is greeted on DS9, he is warmly welcomed by everyone except for the person he’s there to see. But when a rodent infestation starts kicking the crew’s butts, the issue becomes a problem for more than just the food service vendors on the promenade. Why does anyone go “full Geordi” anymore? Should we take the mono-myth back to the drawing board? What’s the worst gift your mom has e...

When Dax and Odo find a techno-donut, it’s only the first clue in a very Star Trek mystery. Back on the station, Jake gets his first job and Quark tries to job Kira while Vedek Bareil tries to get a job of his own. Could Odo Riker an ankylosaur? Why are the Bjorans so willing to give up the jumja? What’s a good ratio of walls to holes? It’s the episode that shucks before it shaves. Come see us liv...

When Sisko and O’Brien discover a crashed freighter on a desolate planet, they find the hat enthusiast survivors have formed a society around their unhinged leader. But when they discover that hotboxing is being used as a form of punishment, it’s up to O’Brien to discover the secret of why no one can escape. Do Adam and Ben need an eye exam? What wouldn’t we give for a Juan Ortiz box of DS9 cards?...

When O’Brien comes home from a security conference hosted by warring Gamma Quadrant aliens whose names are hard to remember, he falls victim to the classic dangers inherent to all Starfleet convention goers. But when his relationship with Keiko gets back into its old groove, he realizes that something is very wrong. What’s the exchange rate of Vanderpump To Trek? Shouldn’t the the Chief’s first st...

When an alien race that REALLY doesn’t like Shake Weights decides to liquidate their gym, Dr. Bashir and Chief O’Brien are there to help. But when those in charge want to change the scope of the project, it’s up to Commander Sisko to take a break from his buffet long enough to investigate the matter. Who are the “Geordi & Data of DS9”? What is Colm Meaney’s “Con Face”? Why is there so much implied...

A doctor to whom Odo bears a striking family resemblance arrives on Deep Space Nine with a gift-wrapped mystery for his former lab animal. But when the team’s road trip to Planet Bucket unleashes a gassy banger, it’s not clear which member of the away team gets the worst side-effects. What’s the best drug to take when listening to the Melota Remix? What is motivating Sisko’s dimmer decisions? Is a...

When the probability on DS9 gets out of whack, a new gambling hall across from Quark’s Bar may be to blame. But when O’Brien and Keiko start getting along, THAT’s the point when the crew becomes suspicious. How many liters of Odo are there? Does O'Brien prefer to play with himself? Where’s the knuck? It’s the episode that’s a real weird bit of business. Support the production of The Greatest Gener...

When frumpy refugees come through the hole, Kira has to stop finishing Sisko’s sandwich. But when the houseguests start threatening to extend their stay, Bajor is confronted with a potential avalanche of skin flakes. Is an opaque door the only thing that will get Adam and Ben back into square jobs? !s the hotel discount at Se7enCon a good deal? Is “hey, you like hip-hop?” an effective pickup line?...

On the anniversary of a significant event in Federation history, Sisko falls for a woman who keeps ghosting him. But after an awkward conversation at a dinner party, their fantasy romance goes nova. Is Jennifer Sisko reanimated, somewhere? Could a marriage be a “correctable situation”? Why doesn’t anyone want to take shore leave on DS9? It’s the episode where one of the hosts is still numb! Suppor...

When Quark finds himself in a real film noir situation, it jogs memories with very muted colors for Odo. But when the case connects to events from the past, the sets get even smokier. Did Bajoran jewelers ever go through a modernist design period? What is Rom ever even doing? Are the Siskos being written off the show? It’s the episode where we goo through all the doors. Follow The Game of Butthole...

When Quark brokers a deal with someone who has a severe case of “bad guy face,” he needs help from a coworker. But when Rom discovers what she’s been hiding under her bed, it forces Quark to choose between his moral and legal codes. Why does the promenade close? What’s the best pretzel in the game? Is Morn is a hobo? It’s the episode that recounts our frequent history of make-out erasure! Support...

When Dr. Bashir tries to give a new ensign “The Brahms Treatment,” he actually manages to charm her. But when she and Dax are taken hostage with Quark, she briefly turns her weakness into a strength. What’s the worst bodily substance in microgravity? Has Dax just been jackin’ it for the last 150 years? How does science work? It’s the episode that retrofits as much of the podcast as possible for AD...

When a Cardassian boy bites Garak, it’s hard to blame him. But when Sisko and Bashir investigate further, their digging into the child’s Ancestry.com profile reveals some troubling facts w/r/t the "warphanages" on Bajor. Is the costume department “hattero-normative”? Does Gul Dukat watch the show? Are those Nilla Wafers? It’s the episode that thinks things are bathrooms that aren’t bathrooms! Supp...

When Quark prays for bandits to take over the station, he gets more than a sticky gym sock. But when they come for Jadzia’s ankylosaur (anklyosaur?), the crew has to make fists with more than their toes. Are these Klingons seeking the right thing? How much are they charging these days at Vulcan supercuts? Are there any good tricks for finding Mareel’s loaf? It’s the episode where we trade honey st...

When the Bajorans seek to occupy Deep Space Nine, they arrive to find it nearly deserted. But when Sisko trusts the wrong messenger with the true nature of the coup, it’s up to his scrappy band of Jeffries tube rebels to fight off a legion of corduroy catbasket-clad soldiers before time runs out. What’s the first thing you should do after unboxing a RealSisko™? Who brings a guitar to a campout? Is...

When a new first officer begins his career on DS9, the old one has a lot of emotional goodbyes to say. But when Quark is deputized by Odo, the mystery of What’s Even Happening gets blown wide open. Which Avenger is Jake Sisko reminding us of? Is Kira as sweaty as Ben thinks? Is the Three Day Rule Lifestyle a pyramid scheme? It’s the episode where we throw all orb continuity out the window. Follow...

When an ex-investment banker is sentenced to hard labor in a resort town, Major Kira goes behind enemy lines to rescue him. But when the stories he tells the tourists don’t end up holding any water, it’s up to Bajoran leadership to decide whether to keep his legend alive. What is proper "stream etiquette"? Why are dance crew contests still a thing in the 24th century? What are Klingon food safety...

When a fundamentalist religious leader comes on board the station, Keiko inherits more than the wind. But when one of her husband’s wrenches goes missing, his work wife starts to keep him on his toes too. Who ate all the M&Ms out of the trail mix at the Craft Services table? What happened to the popsicle continuity in this episode? Does Neela want the jumja? It’s the episode where we teach the con...