The Greatest Generation

When a secret investment scheme by Quark’s mother is laid bare, it makes everybody else in her family uncomfortable. But when a freighter captain visits DS9, it’s apparent to everyone that Commander Sisko is looking to give her docking ring preferential treatment. What is dumb for a Ferengi? Do tomatoes have cores? Where’s Leeta in all of this? It’s the episode that’s going to confuse a lot of peo...

When a bend-at-the-waist hug, leads to a father/son sailing trip, the Sisko men get to cranking. But when the adventure threatens to provoke a diplomatic incident, they’ll have to keep their new hobby in a bottle. Why is Dax cock-blocking Bashir? What’s a super comfy long-term sleeping solution? Can Chief O’Brien get “I love you, man” drunk? Romulan scientists are so vain, they probably think this...

When Enabran Tain devises a military strategy straight out of the Admiral Hanson playbook, the fight does not go well. But when their plan to splash the Founders puddle gets them all wet, Garak must choose between escaping with his friend or going down with the ship. How do you pronounce Enabran? What do you do when you have too much bag? Are you a thermos or a jacket person? It’s the Ginuwine “Po...

When an attempt is made on Garak’s life, it’s not just tailoring paraphernalia that gets blown out into the open. But when the Cardassian spy stops dissembling and the Tal Shiar stops playing chess, the potential conflict takes on a Spaceball One sense of scale. Is Quark finally fulfilling his debt to society? How big a threat are the Romulans now that they can walk two abreast? Do the Star Trek c...

When Commander Sisko gets taken to the Mirror Universe, he makes strong choices w/r/t “the right thing to do” vs. “the Mirror Universe thing to do.” But when confronted face to face with his Prime Dead wife, his mission begins to suffer from a case of performance anxiety. Is the human brain capable of grappling with the sexual morality of multiple universes? Are the Pakleds in charge? Should we be...

When Garak is in the midst of soundly defeating Bashir in a round of Birthday Chess, Quark introduces a scary man to the doctor. But when that man goes rummaging in Bashir’s personal space, that space turns out to be more personal than he originally bargained for. How many boba teas did Altovar drink during production? What distinguishes good hand loaf from bad? What does Colm Meaney think of stuf...

When Chief O’Brien gets irradiated, the side effects are disorienting. But when his premonitions predict danger for DS9, he’ll have to rely on the only person he can trust: himself. How dangerous is the ceremonial garter throw? Is Sisko Kira’s “work husband”? Could Wyatt Miller be involved? It’s the episode that just puts a patch on the blowout. Support the production of The Greatest Generation Ho...

When a mysterious stranger gives Quark blue oomox (bluemox? bloomox?), the ne’erdowell bartender is forced to room with Rom. But when the Nagus makes Maihar’du cry, Quark will risk everything to get Zek addicted to snuff again. Are we ever going to stop hearing about these stem bolts? Do Star Trek’s various giant, silent valet characters ever hang out? What’s the best board game to play with the d...

When Cardassian scientists arrive on DS9 with a plan to communicate through the wormhole, it’ll take more than a Bajoran with a picket sign to stop Commander Sisko’s mission. But when prophecy turns into reality, O’Brien and the Cardassians must work past their differences in order to save the day. How many Peck’s Bad Boy films are in the Marvel cinematic universe? In which quadrant is the bedroom...

When Kira and Odo borrow a Starfleet runabout they get stuck doing Starfleet work. But when the mission turns into a crisis, Odo will have to decide if he believes Kira’s performance. Does Odo have a butt? Which side of the iron curtain is the best venue for metamorphosis humor? Does O’Brien have a kayak kink? It’s the episode that adds a fifth rule of Greatest Genquisition. Come see us live on to...

When an age appropriate love interest for Jake Sisko appears looking for a date, it’s love at first sight. But when the A story starts publicly humiliating the B story at the dinner table, the crew of DS9 is left stuck with the bill. Does the Kai have upgrade status on Bajoran transport ships? Are interstellar geopolitics a part of a healthy medical recovery plan? Which cast member do you trust an...

When Ghosts and Gimme’s team up to take over the DMV, initially only the Dims will support their cause. But when the Defiant starts to drain its supply of time travel particles, the Chief rolls a three-sided dice. What are good demands when you’ve got that big hostage energy? Are hippies weird or high? Where’s the soot? It’s the episode we recorded on our way into the eight figure club! Come see u...

When a freak transporter accident disappears Commander Sisko, Dr. Bashir and Dax, Chief O’brien is a little concerned. But when the away team appears at a critical time in the past, the death of a crucial historical figure has them scrambling to save the timeline. Is Brenner Information Systems a part of the Terminator movie universe? What’s the street value of a clown costume? How do Ferengi eulo...

When a couple of the crew welcome their long-absent lovers back, everyone’s favorite ambassador to hate crashes the festival. But when the polarity of the station’s boners is reversed, only the passionless Doctor Bashir can save the day. How much coffee should you drink before sex? Is Bajor’s spiritual homogeneity the product of a horrifying and bloody religious war? Is Quark awesome at canasta? I...

When the Federation’s most popular commander beams aboard DS9 for a little R&R, the crew believes he’ll be making the station his own personal Risa. But after he starts throwing the D around too aggressively, the most sensitive parts of the galaxy are in danger of being punished. Where can you get a dope-ass tamale? Is Cal Hudson’s true legacy sartorial? Do the Cardassians take a dump without a pl...

While trekking in the gQuad, Sisko and the gang encounter a disappearing reappearing planet whose inhabitants Dax finds very bonable. But while her relationship with one of the locals flowers, back at on the station, Quark’s depravity takes a turn for the worse. Does the Defiant need a dongle to disappear? Why is the makeup department neglecting Dax’s neck? Why do people keep going on these non-da...

When Chief O’brien trips DS9’s security system, the station’s car alarm triggers a very hostile form of lockdown. But when the crew get covered in “buts,” they may have to collaborate with an unlikely ally. Are there ANY new poop euphemisms? Why would anyone wear their communicator in an anti-Hudson configuration? Is embarrassment lethal? It’s the episode recorded with back-turned confidence! Supp...

When a familiar purple haired lady returns to the station to fool Quark twice, he takes the bait and brings more than just shame on himself. But when part of the acquisition becomes Odo’s charge, the station’s safety will have to rest on the Lycine Contingency. Is Sisko’s parenting style inspired by Larry Miller? Do clothes make the man, and if so, why is this kid in a ninja costume? Should we be...

When Major Kira is given an unwanted makeover, her aestheticians give her the hard sell on accepting her new look. But when she begins to question their motivations, she’ll have to depend on those she hates the most to get her out of this mess. How do you defend against a “look dunk”? What are the seats you should choose for your wife on an airplane? Do you ever want to get handsy with the loaf? I...

When Jadzia whips out some treacly keyboard skills at a dinner party, she puts the Siskos in an awkward position. But as her life turns into a bad episode of Fool Us with Penn and Teller, it starts to seem like Dax may have forgotten more than just her level of musical proficiency. Which host is in the pocket of Big Pun? Are Dax and Sisko chess hipsters? How does anyone get any shuteye on the Defi...

When Keiko quits her job, Chief O’Brien must throw out the manual in order to fix the problems in their relationship. Meanwhile, after Quark gets into a bar fight with a drunk, his punishment requires that he defend himself both physically and mathematically. How can you tell if it’s a split diopter shot? What does Minkus look like today? Who is the best person to talk to about your domestic probl...

When Odo finally discovers Planet Bucket, his curiosity takes the form of an interrogation of his goopy species. But when the rest of the gang returns to the station, they find the Federation negotiating a peace treaty that’s even worse than the one they have with the Cardassisans. Does a golden handshake count as watersports? Do Bunkbed Mark II Shuttles have rear windows? Are the Changelings just...

When midlife crisis Ben Sisko rolls up to the station in his brand new ride, he can’t wait to show the crew what’s so special under the hood. But when he invites them on a trip around the block with him to show it off, the feedback from their neighbors is surprising. Where do we stand on Big Almond? How do we verify if “Scepter is Authentic”? Why can’t you go through the wormhole cloaked? It’s the...

When Nog and Quark barge into a Sisko family vacation, Jake insists they tune the radio to the Ferengi station. But when their Gamma Quadrant camping trip brings them in contact with two brand new kinds of alien, we set aside comedic things and head into the darkness. Do Commanders get shallower deep-Vs than Captains? Is that lady using a prodigious amount of spray, or is it an ear thing? Do Galax...

When Chief O’brien has his vacation plans derailed by the Cardassians, he goes from runabout seat to dentist’s chair in short order. But after his lackluster accommodations on Cardassia Prime are relayed back to Commander Sisko, it’s up to the crew of DS9 to get him rebooked elsewhere. Is there an “Alexander Bubble”? What are the three rules of Greatest Gen? Is Odo stuck in the uncanny valley? It’...