The Film Pigs Podcast

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. In 1995, a terrifying vision of a possible dystopian future was unleashed into cinemas (or, more likely, a limited number of  Blockbuster Video stores). In this impossible-to-imagine yet almost-frighteningly-real world, troublesome students who can't decide whether they want to be moody goths or lunkheaded stoners are...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Good Lord, where to start on this one? The Wolfman is a big-budget remake of a classic horror film that incorporates all of the slow, clunky nonsense of the original and adds a tired Anthony Hopkins , a strangely non-compelling  Benicio Del Toro , that computer-elf guy from them nerd movies , and Emily B...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. There's nothing more refreshing than a big Hollywood movie with a plot based on sound science. Since those don't exist, the Film Pigs watched The Core instead. We're not sure what was more astounding: the Space Shuttle crash landing in the LA river (which could TOTALLY happen), the amount of people per square mile that have...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Have you ever wanted to listen to a commentary for a movie where Chuck Norris plays an on-the-edge Chicago cop who wanders around Israel looking for a demon who looks a lot like, but isn't, Michael Ironside so he can stab him with a magical staff topped with a baked potato after defeating him with karate? If the answer is y...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. NOTE: This Film Pigs commentary is for the " Unrated Director's Cut " on the 2-disc Blu-Ray and not the theatrical release. We felt it was important to force ourselves to sit through the director's true vision. Law Abiding Citizen is a movie so engaging, so socially relevant, and so masterful in its execution that Todd had...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. A new decade brings forth new life challenges. For the Film Pigs, this means sitting through the stupidest movie from the previous decade. It's hard to quantify just how monumentally stupid G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is, but with a running time of two hours, there's plenty of time to try. Based on the 1980s toy line (much...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. It's a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs return to make everyone's holiday season a little brighter. And what better way to celebrate the Christian / Jewish / Muslim / Pagan / Pastafarian season than with a movie about a homicidal Santa Claus? Answer: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY! Silent Night, Deadly Night takes us back to a simp...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. You missed it. You demanded it. And now you have it: the first Film Pigs commentary in almost a year! Who would have thought it was possible to procrastinate so long on a money-losing hobby? If you love dull, corporate movie adaptations of dull, corporate novels for teen girls then have we got a treat for you! Twilight , th...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Happy holidays Film Pigs fans! In keeping with our marginally adhered to tradition of Christmastime-themed commentaries for the season, we bring you P2. It's a story of thrills, survival and impossibly perky cleavage. Set in a strange, alternate-reality New York City where the streets are barren after 6pm and people actuall...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. M. Night Shyamalan's first R-rated movie! M. Night Shyamalan's first R-rated movie! Those were the words that sent people to theaters in - what's the opposite of "droves" - to experience some stupid thing about angry plants making people walk backwards before killing themselves. And Marky Mark as a science teacher. We know...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. At the dawn of human civilization, there was this guy who hunted giant cartoon mastodons, was chased by prehistoric man-eating ostriches, and totally fucked up this pyramid. He did this because some other guys kidnapped his girlfriend...and the guy who owned the pyramid made everybody think he was a god or something...a dis...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. It started out as a simple joke. A ribald suggestion that three grown men sit through a movie clearly assembled by soulless corporate executives for tween girls and their sexually frustrated fathers. What followed was an hour and forty minutes of Technicolor horror brighter than the light of a thousand exploding suns. Plus,...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Swayze. Elliott. Boobs. Few words encompass the greatness that is American cinema more than these, and few films possess all three qualities at once. Road House is such a film. Join the Film Pigs as they relive the wonder of a late 80s action masterpiece, complete with all the mullets and pleated pants one could want. Marve...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. The Film Pigs just can't get enough of that charming Shia LaBeouf! This time he stars as an impulse-control challenged and slightly pervy teenager under house arrest in this modern take on Hitchcock's classic Rear Window. Major difference: Disturbia has a flaming bag of dogshit that is noticeably absent from Hitchcock's ver...

SPECIAL NOTE: Instructions for syncing playback to this commentary are included during the recording. Everybody try not to swarm Kmart all at once. The Film Pigs spread holiday cheer with this very special DVD commentary. Snatched up in the festive shopping madness at Burbank's finest Kmart, marvel as the Pigs learn the true meaning of the holidays while they triple-fist booze and make inappropria...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Normally this would be where we make fun of the movie's tagline - something like "Transformers: Their War. Our World. Complete Waste Of Your Time." - but holy f*ck, this thing is so dull it saps strength even after its running time concludes. Somehow, a movie has been made about giant robots covered in sharp spinning object...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Having secured the coveted early spring release window, one would have thought 2007's The Reaping would have become an instant classic. I mean, you've got a gritty biblical horror starring Academy-award winning actress Hilary Swank who last wowed audiences in 2004's "The Bourne Supremacy" - what could go wrong? One thing is...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Combining the subtle nuances of "The Fast And The Furious" with the drum-tight structure of "Timerider", Torque feels much longer than it's running time of 84 minutes. Some people might consider that quality filmmaking - others might use it to interrorgate enemy combatants in secret prisons. Either way, Torque's timeless me...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Holding a fake movie audition in order to find a new wife seems reasonable enough - I mean, how else are you supposed to meet women? MySpace? Unfortunately for the Film Pigs, our guy forgets the cardinal rule of dating: Never pick up the girl with fetishes for needles, piano wire, and keeping mutilated guys in a big sack. H...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Crank is quite possibly the best movie ever made about a guy injected with a lethal dose of poison who goes on a rampage against his enemies but takes time out to bang Amy Smart in front of a crowd in Chinatown before falling to his death out of a helicopter. No one with any sense of moral decency or concern over the declin...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. It's beginning to look a lot like Norris! The Film Pigs celebrate the season with the festive holiday picture "Invasion U.S.A." With the fierce demeanor of an indifferent koala, Chuck Norris saves America from the poorly-thought-out machinations of a Soviet terrorist and his band of extras from "The Warriors" with an empty,...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. What Halloween would be complete without an awkward video-game-to-movie translation? Watch in horror as a concerned mother deals with her child's terrible nightmares about a town called "Silent Hill" by putting her daughter in the car and maniacally crashing it into a town called "Silent Hill." For some reason, this makes t...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. Ah, scenic Europe. The Old World charm, the cultural sophistication, the endless barrage of titty and gore. Truly, this is a Very Important Movie with a Timeless Message. That message: everyone in Europe wants to brutally murder anybody under 30 who's wearing a backpack. They're especially interested in poorly drawn charact...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. No pun intended, but being a gay cowboy is really hard. Especially when you've only got a couple of camping trips to try and generate some kind of meaningful relationship with a guy who mumbles worse than Brando. Seriously, can anybody understand what the hell Heath Ledger is saying? Was it just a big misunderstanding? Did...

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie. To call this movie ham-fisted would be an insult to the depth and subtlety you get from ham-fistedness. From its opening scene, Crash blunders through an endless series of tired racial stereotypes and preachy clichés, ultimately concluding that everyone on Earth is not only racist but also an incompetent motorist. Best Pict...