The Expat Brat

In uncertain times, dropping your iphone feels like the last straw. The world is breaking down around me. 

So apparently in Denmark, zoos are asking people to donate their pets —yes, actual rabbits, chickens, even small horses—to feed their predators. I spiral. There’s a lynx. And a giraffe named Marius. Danish people… what is going on?

I stepped outside into a 47-degree sandstorm — basically nature’s version of a slap — and it still didn’t sting as much as watching Will Smith freestyle on TikTok. Let’s talk cringe, comebacks, PR conspiracy theories, and why this version of Will feels like your uncle at karaoke night… but rich and strangely well-lit. Also: what if the cringe is the point? What if we’re the fools? Either way, I ca...

India refuses to play Pakistan in a nostalgia tournament — because apparently, politics never retires. In this episode, I break down the absurdity of grown men bringing geopolitics into a charity-adjacent league and explore why sports feuds, even after retirement, are still more dramatic than they need to be. From Shoaib Akthar's glares to Keane’s grudges, we ask: are we addicted to the drama… or...

You ever try not to lose your mind while on hold with some smug guy who says it'll take two weeks to replace a water heater? I tried. Barely made it. This episode is one long steam release — about service industry BS, ADHD spirals, the line between excuses and self-awareness, and why apologizing shouldn’t feel like giving away a kidney.

I’m not saying passive income is a scam — I’m saying if someone tells you they make money in their sleep, they’re probably lying or married rich. Plus: a nostalgic spiral into the mystery of British teachers in Saudi in the ’80s and ’90s. Who were they? Why were they there? And why did they all look like they’d just escaped a Cold War spy movie? Also: fake gurus, real rent, and how I still don’t k...

Why does the internet think I’m fat and in need of fame? This week: targeted ads for my midlife crisis, Coldplay’s cheating scandal (but only his name went viral?), and why pronouncing it “lulu-leymo-n” might bankrupt you faster.

I’m not convinced AI will end the world — but I am convinced one hotel shaving kit almost ended me. Plus: improv, judgment, pigeons, and how falling from grace is just bad PR.

From Oasis nostalgia to yelling at yourself for better fitness — this week, The Expat Brat breaks down why the past won’t save you, but pronouns just might

Is the 5AM Club just hustle culture in a hoodie? I dig into the science, the smugness, and why you don’t need sunrise to succeed. Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the Pakistan and India almost war in May 2025 Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on family genes, reevaluating stuff, and other nonsense. Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the good things: Kiddo starting to speak and making people laugh! Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the US Elections, Bad Bosses, and his 8th Grade English Teacher.  Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on his new Fridge, his kid talking, and the 'Yes And' improv philosophy.  Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the P Diddy arrest and finding his wife the ultimate fridge. Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the ABA and Autism Speaks controversies and other Bad Gigs. Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on ADHD, Autism, and Lebanon.  Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on the service industry and shares personal stories and experiences around it.  Drop a Message! Support the show

Can a brief internet sensation eclipse years of dedicated artistic work? Join me, Salman Qureshi, as I unpack this provocative question by reflecting on the meteoric rise of Haley, an unexpected internet star, and its impact on seasoned artists. I delve into the allure of authenticity and the unpolished moments that captivate audiences, drawing parallels with Justin Bieber's calculated ascent and...

Salman soliloquizes on the tipping culture, AI audio recordings, and customer satisfaction surveys Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on Texas life, Eid Meat, and Dropping Pakistan's Cricket Team from Your Life. Drop a Message! Support the show

This episode is dedicated to everyone who has lost their dad  Drop a Message! Support the show

Salman soliloquizes on Bionic 6, new babies, and watching reruns of 'Suits'. On this episode Salman reminisces about the captivating world of 'Bionic 6', a beloved childhood show. Amidst the excitement of his youngest brother's first baby boy, Salman shares heartfelt memories of the heroic adventures and futuristic wonders of the Bionic family. Listen in to rediscover the charm and nostalgia of th...

Join Salman on a journey back to the 1980s as he delves into his nostalgic memories of ninja culture. From the thrill of watching ninja movies to mastering ninja moves in the backyard, Salman reminisces about the days when ninjas were the ultimate heroes. Get ready to be transported to a time of ninja turtles, shurikens, and epic battles as Salman shares his heartfelt nostalgia for the golden era...