The Everyday Human

July: On Family July 11 Some people can be emotionally literate and open with their love. For others, you might as well ask them to move a mountain—and yet, it still makes them the person they are—the person you love. Some will work their hands to the bone to support you without ever saying a word—getting up early to warm the house and get to work so that you can eat and have a bed to sleep in. So...

July: On Family July 10 Places, things, homes, yards, creeks, trees, gardens— —all temporary. Like you. Like family. You’d be wise to enjoy them while you have them— And if you want, After they’re gone, Hold on to them a little while longer. Even at the risk of being sentimental. Reflection title: It’s Not Just— Creative inspiration:  Mary Oliver,   "From This River, When I Was a Child, I Use...

July: On Family July 9 Expectations are dangerous things.  Let’s let people be who they are, take the bad with the good, and love them for it—not for who you expect them to be. Reflection title: What Did You Expect? Creative inspiration:  Shel Silverstein,    "A Cat, A Kid, and a Mom" Reflection question: Do I love my family for who they are? Or am I holding them to unrealistic expectati...

July: On Family July 8 The importance of conversing with or just listening (or crying) to someone older and wiser than you cannot be overstated. We as humans, at first glance, might seem quite different from each other, but scrape past the surface, even just a little bit—and you’ll see just how fundamentally similar we all really are. That’s a beautiful thing—to understand that we are the same, no...

July: On Family July 7 For all the moments playing outside in the grass at a family get together—the sun glinting off each drop of water from the sprinkler, the high-pitched yells and laughs of children being children, those quiet moments sitting at a table, working on a puzzle with tea and hot chocolate, or reading a book in bed next to your partner, knowing in that moment you are safe and your o...

July: On Family July 6 As you grow, as seeds of independent thought and choice sprout in your mind, and as you are able to shelter and feed yourself, things inevitably change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Again—neither good nor bad, just life. And as you meet people who show you different perspectives and teach you different ways of life, your heart opens up to the fact that...

July: On Family July 5 I’ve been fortunate enough to travel the world. I’ve been to around 15-20 different countries (lost track). I’ve met fascinating people from four different continents, and I’ll always remember them and the people I traveled with. But without fail, every time I’m away, and as much as I’m busy appreciating the different people, landscapes, architecture, food, music, and cultur...

July: On Family July 4 I blink. No way. Is that really my dad? Is that really what I think it is in his hand? The thing they’ve taught me never to do—the thing that just killed my grandma down in Florida? No fucking way. But it’s true. There he is, right in front of my eyes, just laughing and sipping and puffing away. I run up to him, ask him what he’s doing—he says something, but I don’t know wha...

July: On Family July 3 Jobs, social status, privilege—all this too can change a person, and it often does. It can lead to an emotionally shallow family dynamic. It can make actions that once were filled with joy and intention become absurdly performative—like ticking off a box on a checklist. Don’t save genuine feelings or forgiveness for a fancy meal, or trip, or holiday—try to remember the times...

July: On Family July 2 I don’t know if it will ever happen. And whatever—I don’t care if it’s idealistic to hope for it. I’m a writer. Part of my job is to literally dream up better worlds (after putting my characters through hell, so it goes). But if we can begin to see ourselves as a family—doesn’t have to be a perfect one either, all families have their issues, but one bound together by somethi...

July: On Family July 1 The month of June, On Conflict and Courage is over. That brings us to July and the new topic of On Family. It doesn’t matter who or what it is that you call family. The world is big, wide, and beautiful, but without family, it can be small, isolating, and crushing.  What matters is that whoever they are, your family brings you light in the dark and keeps you warm in the cold...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 30  Do yourself a favor and learn this lesson while you can from those who came before and learned it for us. Death and pain and confrontation are inevitable. They’ll come for you no matter what. They’re coming for you right now whether you say what must be said or betray yourself with small sil...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 29 As I pulled up the grass and tossed it aside, Oliver’s words echoed in my mind and I had no choice but to stop and consider the determination of this grass—and the grass in the cracks in the driveway or growing through the sidewalks in town. I can’t say if the grass knows of the harsh conditi...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 28 Under cover of darkness, with only the moonlight to guide him, he slipped away from his starving family, leaving behind a decrepit shack, flea-ridden blankets, and cries of hunger. He stole into the grain storehouse—Trevelyan’s corn—and threw as much meal into a sack before hurrying back to f...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 27 The next day it was a wreck back there. Debris and whatever else had washed down into the yard. The gardens were destroyed and we had to toss any vegetables that held on for fear of contamination. We got lucky. And I’ll never forget how quickly nature can have its way with you. But that storm...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 26 If the mammoth sunflower takes that chance and finds a spot in the ground with good soil, just enough water, and sun? In a few weeks, it’ll wake up with a sprinkle of bravery and poke its little green head through the dirt. It’ll look toward the sun—its god and life-giver—and follow it from e...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 25 Actions and speaking out have consequences. No doubt about it. But inaction and silence bear their own weight—and it can sometimes be heavier having to live not with what you did do, but what you didn’t do.  So it all comes down to choice. Your actions and inactions will always affect the peo...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 24 You manage to get going again—one foot in front of the other. That’s all it takes. Keep telling yourself it’s all in your head. Just up ahead—at the corner of the street—you spot the silhouette of a figure. Tall—four legs? Something big in their hands. You’re not sure what it is, but your cur...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 23 We often don’t face our fears immediately because we think there might be another way—a better way. Or that somehow, through waiting, we’ll be better prepared. Or that the problem will just vanish. But often this only leaves room for us to catastrophize on the potential outcomes, and our cour...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 22 Think of your greatest death—was it a one-off? Or is it a pattern? Are you afraid to speak your mind and live up to your true self as a result? Again—it’s okay. There is no shame in living your life. We’re all afraid at some point—the key is recognizing it when it happens, seeing those signs,...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 21 It takes strength and courage to keep going. To move on from a broken heart, from the loss of a loved one, from any of the countless tragedies that we humans are so susceptible to. You gotta keep moving always, but you can’t be afraid to look back either—to observe the past and learn from it....

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 20 The point isn’t to achieve it all. It’s to live fully within the boundaries of the limits of your life and what is possible. To throw your fear of failure to the wind and have the courage to try . Even if you don’t finish what you set out to do, you did it the best you could. Within your capa...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 19 Having the courage to face what you fear grants freedom. More than that, it allows you to live. And really, the outcome isn’t important here. You might find victory. Or you might be met with complete and utter defeat. What’s important is that when the time comes, you rise to the occasion. Wha...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 18 Those tiny voices ceaselessly chatter in the back of your mind: Can’t believe he thinks this is any good. He spent how much time on this? Hope he doesn’t quit his day job . . .  They leave the door wide open for those second guesses to come rushing in. Is my hair thinning? These wrinkles have...

June: On Conflict and Courage GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund: https://gofund.me/3682c6720 June 17 It’s important to do the work day in and day out. Do difficult things. Stand up for others. Treat yourself with respect and kindness. Make a promise to yourself to learn something new every day. Help your neighbors, and show compassion for those you disagree with (even though I know that’s su...