The Dumbest Story of the Week

Is Donald Trump in the Epstein Files? You bet your ass he is. But he wants you to think about anything other than that. How about Obama, renaming sports teams, Adam Schiff, of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr.? An American citizen moves to Russia to escape Woke Texas. How's that working out? Steve Miller cancels all future concerts due to the volatile climate. Take the money and run, you...

The inevitable sunset of The Velvet Sundown, the world's first million-streamed AI band. Texas' Ken Paxton, a bigot who doesn't want gay people to get married, is getting a divorce because he is an adulterous Christian. Are you surprised? California conservatives want to move to Idaho. Please. No. Don't go. Are you more scared of sharks or beaches contaminated with poop? Check the numbers - you're...

The dumb stories just keep rolling along, don't they? Republicans aren't to blame for the tragic flooding in Texas, but they have been working to make it harder to pick up the pieces after disasters for years. Also, when the FEMA relief does come, Trump makes certain that Texas gets it faster than deep blue California. Ted Cruz sure does like going on vacation, doesn't he? A bunch of idiots right...

I used to like the 4th of July. Hoo-boy. The wheels are coming off this country. Trump's Big, Stupid Bill arrives like a freight train full of rabid monkeys. I may have confused Medicare and Medicaid, but I'm not sure it matters while the wheels are coming off. Surprise! Kristi Noem is a grifter! Robots flop just like humans while playing the first autonomous soccer match. There is an AI rock band...

Donald Trump and his sycophants are trying to convince you that their expensive Midnight Hammer bombing mission was the greatest military operation in the history of the world. Given that the Normandy invasion in June of 1944 involved 156,000 troops from multiple countries, 195,700 naval personnel, 7,000 ships and landing craft, 11,000 aircraft, and 50,000 vehicles and took two years to plan, that...

I love you guys so much that I made an episode during my vacation in Yosemite National Park. I also protested on No Kings Day in Yosemite National Park because I speak for the trees and all that. Donald Trump finally gets his idiotic parade, and you know what? It rained on his parade. Stochastic terrorism is here. And rest in peace, Gilbert. You are the Best Boy.

Donald Trump declares war on Los Angeles and Los Angeles isn’t having it. Step off, Mr. President. American fascism is here. People who know nothing about California think they know everything about California.  Fox so-called News is full of shit, and there is nothing new under the sun. Terry Moran did something that many modern journalists find difficult because of their corporate baby-daddies -...

Senator Joni Ernst believes in nothing, Lebowski! Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s bromance that flushed our country down the toilet has come to an end. What would be call their Brangelina-esque power romance? Dusk? Elump? Some Republicans believe that Joe Biden is a robot. Because of course they do. Amazon wants robots to deliver your packages and Biden is currently unemployed. Problem solved! Pete H...

Donald Trump once again gets out his pardon pen to exonerate grifters of all manifestations. Oh, and potentially some stochastic terrorists. They don’t need better infrastructure, but Texas sure needs a law to make sure that the Ten Commandments are posted in every Lone Star classroom. A couple hikers strike gold in Europe. For real. Does your college degree suck? Probably. How long do sperm live?...

Donald Trump thinks that Bruce Springsteen looks like a "dried out prune," but has he looked in the mirror lately? I bet he has. He also picked a fight with Beyonce, Oprah, Taylor Swift, Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, and Harvard University. But he loves free jets that will cost a billion dollars to retrofit and ginning up conspiracy theories about Joe Biden's cancer diagnosis. He...

Do you want a free airplane? Who doesn't? But is it a Trojan Boeing? Trump courts supporters of terror in the Middle East. Back home, Oklahoma is getting dumber by the minute. The Trump administration wants to deport a million people a year. Unless you happen to be white and you're from South Africa, where Trump believes that a genocide is happening. Except it isn't. A Utah GOP senator wants to ba...

This week delivered another deluge of dumb, but don't give up. We'll get through it. When Donald Trump goes fully off the rails, how will we know? JD Vance is a harbinger of doom, and you heard it here first. Or maybe second. The new Pope is from Chicago, and now that we Chicagoans have the first Black president, Michael Jordan, John Hughes, and the first Yankee Pope, we will never let you forget...

Apparently, being president isn't enough attention for Donald. Now he wants to be Pope, too. Maybe he can ask God for better poll numbers. Is humanity ready for sperm racing? And does that make you as uncomfortable as it does me? America is becoming Alabama. At least the BBQ will be good. Amazon caves on listing tariff pricing. The U.S. Navy loses a $70 million airplane to the Kraken. George Santo...

Step right up! It's Episode #24. That's a case! Of beer. Or something less good. AI is now smarter than humans. I mean, rocks are smarter than humans these days. Woodpeckers might be as well. Sarah Palin loses a defamation case to the New York Times again. Kristy Noem's bag is stolen with $3k of cash inside. How do you feel about vomiting? The FDA suspends milk quality testing and the USDA decides...

Episode #23 is the G.O.A.T. At least when it comes to having the same number as Michael Jordan. Are you listening, Caitlin Clark? Elsewhere, the White House staff are little bitches. An Arizona ranch dog accomplished what an entire search party failed to do. Yay, Buford! You are and will always be a Very Good Boy. I find myself in the uncomfortable and unusual position of agreeing with Sarah Palin...

Welcome to Episode 22. You know what to do! Weezer's bass player's wife gets shot by the police in Eagle Rock. For real. Marjorie Taylor Greene wants all of you to buy her son a beer. Also for real. The world sails blissfully past a dire climate threshold. Tornadoes only speak English as far as the National Weather Service is concerned. RFK masters mixed messages about vaccines. The AP is back in...

Episode 21 can buy you a beer! You might need it, because the week's news cycle was a deluge of dumb. (Always avoid alliteration.) Republicans want to ban chemtrails, which is crazy, because they don't exist. JD Vance took the circus to Greenland this week and nobody from Denmark's largest autonomous region wanted to see the clowns. Republicans also want to see how much you'll pay for what you use...

Episode 20 is a bona fide humdinger. Did you do a 23andMe test to find your long lost rich uncle? Well, the popular genetic testing company is going belly up and they're selling your genetic information to the highest bidder. Are you worried? Because you should be. Some teens in Texas are going to be cut out of a will after attempting to murder their mother when she turned off the WiFi. True story...

Where we go dumb we go all. A MAGA dad supports his trans son and still votes for Donald Trump, proving for the billionth time that Republicans only care about issues that affect them directly. Guess what the happiest country on Earth is? Hint, it ain't us. A protest in my hometown ruffles some Nazi feathers. I hate Illinois Nazis. Did you know that astronauts don't get overtime? I didn't. Iowa ha...

Episode 18 has your back! Senator Tommy Tuberville doesn't know what a "tri-angle" is. If Marjorie Taylor Greene invites you to a measles party, should you go? Republicans love freedom, unless it's the freedom to be yourself. Southwest Airlines blows up what once made them less bad. A British tourist gets a runaround at the border. Donald Trump debases the office of the president by turn...

Episode 17 is ready when you are, and you know you are. Donald Trump addressed a weary nation this week. Why are we weary? Because Trump. Jesus, does that man like to hear himself talk. Will the real Al Green please stand up? And I'm sure he's never heard that before. Donald Trump doesn't know the difference between transgender and transgenic, and his cultists don't care either way. Elon Musk thin...

Donald Trump sold us out and I lost my dad. That's all I've got this week. Go tell the people you love that you love them. Especially your parents, if you can. Life is shorter than you think.

I am off the grid for Episode 15 because I'm skipping town due to a family emergency, so you get short and hot takes about a few dumb stories. The City of Huntington Beach spent a whole bunch of tax dollars on an MAGA plaque at their library. I also take a quick tour through stories like the Nebraska opossum that got herself sick after breaking into a house and binging on an entire chocolate cake....

As my grandmother said, Happy Valentime's Day from The Dumbest Story of the Week! Episode 14 has got everything. Check it! Nothing can stop rock & roll, except maybe fatbergs. Teslas are getting vandalized nationwide. I wonder why. California's glory hole is magnificent. The Gulf of Amexico has an identity crisis, but it will always be The Sears Tower to us. RFK Jr. gets a new gig that will af...

Lucky episode number 13! Eggs are nearly as valuable as gold. Trump cleans DEI house and fires a four star admiral. Just how super is the Super Bowl anyway? Democrats try to out-hopeless one another in their circular firing squad. Who among you is ready to buy a timeshare on the Gaza Riviera?!? Trump floods the zone. Again. Again. Surprise! Interviews are edited. And DOGE bros get their day in the...