The Dumbest Story of the Week

Weekend at Mitch McConnell’s. Plasma cannons and potato guns. The Islamic Republic of Japan. Sayonara DOGE. The Trump bridge is out. NPR platforms a Christofascist. The death of etiquette. Adult diapers aren’t made for that. The ghost of Joe McCarthy. The People’s gas stations. The tragedy of USMNT. FIFA’s “integrity.” The FDA loves forever chemicals. Looksmaxxers and Giga Chads. Andrew Jackson &g...

A MAGA Uncle Sam gets arrested for ‘raising his flag’ at the Great American State Fair. 20% of Americans are bailing on America’s 250 Independence Day. SCOTUS upholds birthright citizenship but the cult of the Unitary Executive screws us in other ways. Which zodiac signs are bad in bed? Elon Musk may not have the world’s smallest penis, but he is still jealous of someone else’s philanthropy. Digit...

Invisible vandals vandalize The Reflecting Pool. Are the vandals in the room with us right now? White guys gonna do white guy stuff, like still being mad at Taylor Swift. This time for enjoying herself at a basketball game. Don’t swim upstream from waterfalls. And if your sunglasses fall into a pit toilet, just go buy new sunglasses. The worst president ever is… I’ll give you one guess! Tucker Car...

KTLA’s Business Reporter, the unstoppable David Lazarus, joins The Dumbest Story of the Week to talk about whether the rowdy and thirsty World Cup drinkers can save the slumping alcohol industry. Shoe company Allbirds re-hatches as Smartbird, rebrands as an AI infrastructure company, and investors love it. What? And after spending what could have been as much as $16 million dollars of taxpayer mon...

Republican Spencer Pratt gets bounced in a city where Democrats outnumber Republicans by more than two-to-one, but the system is obviously rigged. Heads we win, tails you lose! Everyone knows that all elections that MAGA loses are rigged. Have you ever wanted to have a scrotum the size of a grapefruit? If the answer is yes, you’re in luck, because something called ‘Ballmaxxing’ exists. Donald Trum...

Republicans have no pride in Pride. The New York Times has no love for Billy Joel, but New York Times readers apparently do. The Ayn Rand Museum of Selfishness is coming. Everyone except Vanilla Ice dropped out of the America 250 Concerts but they all got cancelled anyway. 60 Minutes fires Scott Pelley and that means that it sucks now. Trump is as healthy as an 80-year-old horse, and I have a numb...

Trump has two weeks to remove his name from The Kennedy Center. Musicians keep bailing on playing The Great American State Fair. An airport will bear the DJT airport code. Was POS already taken? Texans love crooks like Ken Paxton. Donald Trump is dumber than a $250 dollar bill, A surprising number of people hate their partner. Have you ever wanted to be dirt? If you have, then you’re in luck, beca...

Chicago’s delicious new holiday comes with sport peppers and giardiniera. Put your hands on the Internet, because you can now subscribe to AI Jesus. Stephen Colbert’s takes his final The Late Show bow. Macca > MAGA. Trump skips his own son’s wedding and in doing so denies us the most bizarre wedding speech of all time. After getting fired for quoting the late Charlie Kirk’s own words, the 1 Ame...

Trump goes to China, and we forgot to change the locks while he was gone. Fallout from the racist GOP gerrymandering starts to pile up. Do you think it’s a good idea to ship pistols through the USPS? Because I don’t. Transportation Secretary and his Fox News Host wife and their NINE CHILDREN go on a big, dumb road trip. Karoline Leavitt is four years closer to the age of her newborn than she is to...

Begun, the redistricting war has. SCOTUS screws democracy while whining about people calling them out for screwing democracy. Our kitchen sponge is nasty, but my Special Lady Friend doesn’t care. According to rich people, calling someone rich is like using a racial slur. Poor babies. Gas is getting more expensive. Rude neighbors are the worst and nude neighbors are worse still. Casting demons out...

Donald Trump is winning 3-0 against the assassins and it’s all the Democrats’ fault. Are Canadian dinosaurs allowed across the border? Will the truth survive two more years? If the water isn’t blue at least we can paint the pool. White Castle is debuting slider vending machines. King Charles parries Trump’s grab-and-pull handshake. A Massachusetts woman fights the police with bees but it’s the bee...

Tucker Carlson is sorry for promoting Donald Trump while sitting in his big house with his piles of money he earned for promoting Donald Trump, and you should definitely (not) believe him. Pilots draw giant dicks in the sky. Trump fast tracks the legalization of psychedelics to treat mental conditions courtesy of Joe Rogan. Robots can now run faster than humans. What, me worry? Donald Trump says t...

Donald Trump picks a fight with The Pope and he somehow thinks he can win. Hungary has an election and autocrat Viktor Orban loses bigly. Is this a preview of the upcoming midterms? Trump’s numbers are down, but Democrats remain unpopular. Does that matter if they’re winning elections? Musician G. Love loses a pile of money in a crypto scam. Despite being full of the possibly carcinogenic sweetene...

After threatening to annihilate a civilization, Trump TACOs the shit out of the Iran War, leaving thousands dead, putting the U.S. in a worse geopolitical position, and spending billions for very little. A UK woman has sexytimes with a pair of twins and science can’t tell us who the daddy is. TDSOTW offers are rebuttal to a journalist who made the case that men who don’t like cats are undatable. A...

A quadruple amputee and former professional cornhole player gets accused of murder. A high-ranking FEMA official sincerely believes that he was teleported to a Waffle House. Donald, Melania, and Barron Trump voted by mail this week while Donald holds the government hostage over the SAVE America Act, which would limit voting by mail. RIP hypocrisy. JD Vance thinks aliens are demons. Pam Bondi gets...

Depending on how you count them, we may be in the midst of the fifth government shutdown in six years of Donald Trump’s administrations. The current shutdown – a showdown between Democrats trying to reform funding for ICE and recalcitrant Republicans – is the second shutdown in our Republican-controlled government since October. This time, Transportation Security Administration employees are worki...

Want to marry your first cousin? Florida has got you. Some former Fox so-called News personalities are beefing. Who has the edge? “Micropenis Mark” Levin or “Petulant Megyn” Kelly? Cesar Chavez teaches us another lesson about heroes. Bigfoot lives, or maybe not. A Utah woman wrote a book about grief to help her deal with the loss of the husband she murdered. Robots will kill us all. The Los Angele...

Did you know that there are beauty pageants for camels? And that people (and camels) get kicked out for cheating? I certainly didn’t. Gibberlink is like pig Latin for AI, which is funny until it kills us. Gene Simmons has a strong opinion about other people sharing their opinions. And Timothee Chalamet isn’t going to be getting any dates with opera singers or ballerinas after sharing his dumb opin...

Donald Trump, a man who campaigned on ‘no new wars,’ has gotten us into a stupid and unnecessary war with Iran. The first casualty of war is the truth, and we weren’t doing too well on that front before the bodies started piling up. Bombs are falling. Drones are being launched in every direction. Young girls are being blown to bits. And Donny hasn’t given us one consistent reason for all the madne...

Donald Trump bombs Iran with Israel in tow, launching the third Middle East war in your host’s lifetime, and much to his chagrin. Chicago crowdsources the names for its new snowplows and the people have spoken. Welcome to the fleet, Abolish ICE! MAGA loonies are eager to have leopards eat their faces, and those of their loved ones. The Clintons testify about Epstein. U.S. hockey players win gold,...

The Supreme Court finally had enough of Trump’s shit and give him an ‘L’ on his idiotic tariffs. The Olympic athletes run out of condoms and are then rescued from being lonely in the Olympic Village by reinforcements from the strategic condom reserves. Science determines once again that smart men lean left, and also that beards are gross. Or maybe not. Epstein accountability arrives elsewhere as E...

Pam Bondi pulled a Brett Kavanaugh in a House Judiciary Committee Hearing and Trump eats it up. A bridge to nowhere, or maybe Canada may not open because Trump is a grifter. A Louisiana National Guardsman leaves his rifle in a Bourbon Street bathroom. And Lindsey Vonn almost loses her leg. The National Park Service is likely going to be run by another grifter, and they’ve removed the Pride flag fr...

Are you watching the Big Game this weekend? Even if you aren’t, ICE is watching YOU. MAGA gets big mad about Bad Bunny and hires an idiot to play an alternate halftime show. But the Puppy Bowl is where it’s at. American Libertarians are MIA when it matters. The Midterm Elections are right around the corner and the election interference is already in hyperdrive. A MAGA comedian get himself canceled...

Welcome to the fascist American future, where state-sponsored violence is the only law that matters. Now that the Proud Boys are collecting ICE signing bonuses, they’ve executed yet another American citizen in broad daylight and the MAGA crowd is suddenly opposed to the 2 Amendment. RIP Alex Pretti. Greg Bovino gets himself demoted, but fear not! Tom “bags of cash” Homan is on the case. Ohio’s Sta...

"I come from a long line of frontiersman and outdoor types." And that’s a line from one of my favorite movies, which would be The Coen Brothers’ Raising Arizona . It is spoken by the protagonist, H.I. McDunnough. But it could just as easily be about my ancestors, or about me. So, when the National Park Service announced late in 2025 that the National Parks Pass for the new year would fea...