The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

I'm back with anxious attachment style coach Chris Rackliffe and he's got a new book, Needy No More: The Journey from Anxious to Secure Attachment. We pick up on our previous conversation about anxious attachment right where we left off a few years ago. This episode is about the label "needy", the butterflies that aren't what you think, and choosing yourself, in dating, in marriage, and in divorce...

What happens when you spend years orienting your life around another person and suddenly have to learn to live from the inside again? When I got out of my marriage, I had no idea who I was. I had zero sense of Self. I didn't know what I liked, what I wanted, what my values were. I didn't even know my favorite color. I had all this time that technically belonged to me, and I had no idea how to inha...

You left the toxic relationship. You legally divorced, you financially divorced, you physically moved out, and somehow they still have you. You wake up angry, ruminating, unable to stop thinking about what they did, and wondering what's wrong with you. The answer is nothing. Your nervous system changed while you were in that relationship. This episode is about what's actually happening in your bod...

Worst ex ever. The monster next door. The case nobody saw coming. That's how true crime frames these stories, as something extraordinary and shocking. But for a lot of women who have lived inside coercive control, domestic violence, emotional abuse, or post-separation abuse, these stories are anything but unbelievable. They're horrifying and devastating, but they are not unfamiliar. And that is th...

Understanding the psychology of a narcissist is the topic of conversation this week, with my guest Chelsey Brooke Cole. Chelsey is a licensed psychotherapist, expert in narcissistic abuse recovery, and bestselling author of If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakable Self-Worth. She specializes in helping people understand the psychology of narc...

You may have heard it so many times. "Make a safety plan." And every single time, the women I talk to say the same thing: okay, but what does that actually mean? In this solo episode, I'm walking you through what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, how to contact a domestic violence agency or shelter before you're in crisis, and what kinds of help may be available even if you never spend a...

Dr. Christine Cocchiola is back with a brand-new children's book called Every Moment of Every Day. It's a book for kids who are going back and forth between homes when one of those homes isn't safe. It gives children language for what they're feeling, and it gives protective parents a roadmap for how to support them when they come home. This book does something I haven't seen in any other children...

I'm back with a new solo episode this week, and I'm talking about something that is incredibly common, deeply complicated, and almost never talked about honestly: Living together while separated. Same house. Same kitchen. Same hallways. Maybe even the same bedroom — though if you can create different sleeping arrangements, please do. For most people, deciding the relationship is over does not mean...

If you own a business, or your spouse does, or you built one together, divorce just got more complicated. You may be wondering, how will divorce impact the business? I'm so glad I have returning guest Jennifer Lee to answer this and other important questions.  In this episode, we get into what happens to the business you built together, what happens when there's been financial infidelity and the n...

I'm re-airing one of the most powerful conversations I've ever had on this podcast. This is my conversation with Michelle Mays, author of The Betrayal Bind, and it is one of the most in-depth explorations I've done of betrayal, attachment, and the very real, very complex reasons it can feel so impossible to leave or to stay and repair when trust has been broken at this level. "Divorce is common, a...

So much of what women contend with during divorce is really intense grief. Sometimes they don't name it that or even realize that's what's happening, but that is what's happening. Barri Leiner Grant, founder and Chief Grief Officer™ of The Memory Circle, is back with me to keep the conversation going about grieving before, during, and after divorce. For those new to Barri, her community and creati...

This weekend, I'm getting married. And before you're like, wait, what podcast am I listening to? stay with me. Because if you've been here a while, you know this show isn't just about leaving. It's about what comes after. It's about what's possible. So today I'm talking about what happens when you don't settle, what healthy love actually feels like, and how to know when you've found it. I wasn't s...

I am so glad to bring Dr. Emma Katz back to the show. She is a senior lecturer in criminology at Edgehill University and one of the world's leading experts on coercive control. She is the author of Coercive Control in Children's and Mothers' Lives and writes the Substack Decoding Coercive Control , where she makes this research clear to process and digest for anyone navigating it in real life. Tod...

Something I hear increasingly among my client population is the experience of burnout after divorce. And this is the thing that very few people prepare you for. You've made it through the hardest decision of your life. You survived the chaos of the initial separation. You got through the legal process. And then you get to the other side, expecting to feel magically better, clear, and free. Instead...

Imagine what it would be like to create healthy relationships without sacrificing ourselves as women. That is exactly what Michelle Farris helps women do. Michelle is a psychotherapist and codependency expert, and this conversation goes deep fast. She brings both the clinical knowledge and the lived experience of someone who has done her own recovery work, and honestly, we could not have been more...

The question I hear more than almost any other, from clients, from women inside Phoenix Rising, and from my community is: " Why didn't I leave sooner?" Perhaps it's an inner voice that nudges. It sounds like you, but it's partially your friends, your family, maybe your attorney or it's cultural. That voice asks, "If it was so bad, why did she stay?" or  "You should have known better." But here's w...

TEDx speaker, author, neurodiversity and mental health advocate, and host of the Sensitivity Doctor podcast. Her work centers on relationship trauma and gaslighting recovery, and she brings over 20 years of clinical experience to everything she does. We have done some incredible episodes together, and this is no exception. Amelia recently brought to my attention a study exploring the impact of Ken...

One of the things I see so often with women going through divorce, especially high conflict divorce, is this instinct to explain yourself, to clarify, to defend yourself, to make sure the other person understands what actually happened. But here's the problem: in a high conflict divorce, explaining yourself is often the very thing that keeps you stuck in the conflict. In this episode, I walk you t...

Sarah McDugal is back on the podcast, and this time we're talking about what it actually takes to protect your children inside a family court system that often reframes abuse as "mutual high conflict" and makes the protective parent look like the problem. Sarah is a clarity coach and founder of Freedom Navigator and Wilderness to Wild, where she works exclusively with protective parents navigating...

Let's talk about something that sits at the center of so many of the conversations I have with women: men's rage is not a communication issue. It's a responsibility issue. So many of us are taught to treat anger like something that can be solved with better tools, better timing, or more understanding. Something you can help fix. But when anger creates fear, when it's targeted, when it's tied to en...

I'm welcoming back one of your favorite guests and one of mine, divorce mortgage specialist Tami Wollensak, because we need to talk about the house. Specifically… what actually happens to it in divorce and what your real options are. Mortgage rules have shifted, interest rates have changed, and the questions I hear from clients all the time still come back to the same thing:  Can I keep the house?...

When you tell your partner you want a divorce and suddenly they promise everything , how do you know if it's real desire to change or just panic talking? You may be hearing apologies that sound deeper than anything you've heard before, promises of therapy, and urgent requests for time, all while you're stuck questioning yourself. Is this real? Is it different this time? Or is this fear talking? Th...

Divorce can become significantly more complicated when culture, immigration status, or international law are part of the equation. I'm joined by family law attorney Diana Romanov for a conversation about what happens when divorce crosses cultural and international lines.  Diana brings a rare perspective to this work, shaped by her own immigration journey, her legal training, and practice across mu...

Many women are grieving two things at once right now, a relationship that didn't protect them and a country that won't either.  There is a lot happening in the world right now, and none of it is abstract. Not for women. Not for our marriages, our divorces, our bodies, our safety, or our credibility. What we are witnessing is the lived, relational impact of rising authoritarianism. In this solo epi...

When you're living inside an abusive relationship, one of the hardest things to do is see the pattern clearly while you're still in it. Everything feels confusing and destabilizing, especially when blame shifting, gaslighting, and constantly moving goalposts are part of the dynamic. That's why I'm so grateful to welcome back Anne Wintemute, CEO and Co-Founder of Aimee Says, an AI-powered support a...