The Dan Brown Code

Welcome to the Internet’s most consistent podcast.  In this installment, Robert and Katherine spend SO long doing a simple internet search, Sato demonstrates that she’s ahead of her time when it comes to government sadism, and a young, allegedly Arab man is caught in a dangerous web of white nonsense. Also, Dan Brown drops a bombshell revelation about what Mal’akh most dangerous secret. Follo...

Two uploads in one year? What's next, three? In this installment, Sato potentially destroys priceless tomes, Robert Langdon takes his sweet, sweet time, and Mal'akh is radicalized into violence by a cheap History Channel documentary. Also, Lina and Forrest bond over their shared dream of riding the luggage belt at the airport. Follow the pod! @danbrowncodepod on Twitter/X @danbrowncode on Instagra...

Hilariously, this episode starts with us saying the last episode was a mere two weeks ago–dear listener, our sincerest apologies. Also hilariously, the audio quality is dogwater. We’re back in the powerful arms of the Money Brother himself. In this installment, Mol’och is gatekeeping, gaslighting, and certainly girlbossing; Robert Langdon can’t take a dose of his own patronizing medicine; and Kath...

On this Very Special Episode of the Dan Brown Code, Forrest and Lina are joined by longtime listener (and friend) Chris to discuss chapters 33-42 of The Lost Symbol. Robert Langdon revisits his Batman Origin story, the true finance bro-nature of our villain is revealed, and innuendos abound even in the Year of the Monk. Also, Chris absolutely schools Dan Brown (and us) on the various preservative...

(Recorded April 2020) We're back, baby! In this ancient episode from early pandemic days, Forrest and Lina explore the (pretty dull) rising action of The Lost Symbol. In this section, Robert Langdon is lost in the flashback sauce (as well as the Sub Basement Basement), Mal'Akh takes advantage of the fact that Katherine does not know her brother, and Dan Brown is bae and on fleek. Also, Forrest and...

After a long (unplanned) hiatus, the Dan Brown Code is back! Look out for a new episode in your feed next week. Thank you so much for the continued support! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Gone is Hot Girl Summer, and here to stay is Monk Girl Fall. In this rerecording of a Lost Episode of the Lost Symbol pick up just as things are getting exciting. In this section, Robert Langdon meets Edna Mode’s tether, our villain continues to allude vaguely to his motivations while being objectively attractive, and DB slips comfortably into his zone of tenuous historical connections. Also, we a...

CW: Transphobia and racial slursIt’s summertime* let’s party**!!! Gone is the curse of Digital Fortress. In this episode, Forrest and Lina jump into The Lost Symbol. This book has everything: men in robes, secret societies, and sexy sexy villains. We’re back to describing women skin and running after our father figures. We’re making cryptic phone calls and dunking on college kids. Life is good. Al...

CW: Sexual assault, workplace sexual violence. This upload goes out to @chrisispoopin, an angel who deserves the return of his *favorite* podcast. In this episode, Forrest and Lina discuss the film Disclosure (1994), a film as old and as timeless as Lina herself. In a film that orbits wokeness without ever touching it, we find ourselves asking the difficult questions in this era of #MeToo; namely,...

After yet another instance of technical sabotage from the NSA, who will stop at nothing to prevent us from revealing their secrets. Forrest and Lina return to the inescapable purgatory that is Digital Fortress. I wish I could tell you what happens in this episode, but unfortunately I read this section maybe 3 months ago and we recorded the episode maybe 1 month ago, so my brain has been hard at wo...

By absolutely no demand, here is a mini episode in which Forrest and Lina watch the very bizarre and very cinephilic music video for “Don’t Lose My Number” by Phil Collins. The last episode of Digifort will be on its way shortly. Follow us @DanBrownCodePod. Follow Lina at @LinaJemili and Forrest at @WishboneUlysses. Art by @omarjemili on IG. You can email us at danbrowncodepod@gmail.comThank you f...

In this episode, Forrest and Lina get back to the action in Chapters 91-105 of The Book That Never Ends. Things are moving quickly, like how a person is technically moving quickly whey they’re frantically skidding down a steep hill with little to no traction. Dan brown leans heavily on the bait-and-switch gunshot, Susan doesn’t even try to be the protagonist, and Strathmore’s disgusting fantasy co...

Remember when we said the last episode was delayed? Lol. While the intro says that this is Chapters 81-100, Forrest and Lina have had mercy on you and cut it in half. Strathmore is caught in his own web of lies, Greg Hale predicts our current political crisis, and Lina is frustrated to the point of throwing objects by wordplay, Also, we get a behind the scenes look into the origin story of Suspens...

Lina is in ~*~Law School Finals~*~ so this episode is very much delayed, but in her defense Dan Brown doesn’t pay her bills (yet ;) ). In this episode, Forrest and Lina parachute down into Chapters 61-80 of Digital Fortress. Susan is the sidekick and bargaining chip in her own story; Dan Brown “doesn’t see color”; and sexual violence its threatened but like, just for fun. Also, David Becker is cri...

In this episode, Forrest and Lina strap into Chapters 41-60 of Digital Fortress. This section is much like a carnival ride in that it’s grotesque, it’s shoddily constructed, and while it may have seemed exciting when we were younger, it’s just nauseating now. We are graced by the presence of an actual Chad; Dan Brown’s avatar lectures a child punk on property law; and frankly there is too much fat...

In this episode, Forrest and Lina get back to the action in Chapters 21-40 of Digital Fortress. Dan Brown has finished his heavy exposition dump, and we made the mistake of walking into the bathroom after him. Susan lets a sexy eugenicist down easy, Becker is on a mad dash to show off how many languages he can speak, and a sex workers is (almost) humanized. Also, we have the pleasure of reading th...

In this episode, Forrest and Lina bust into Digital Fortress, Dan Brown’s first experiment in putting a lot of sentences together in a row. The latent Mary Sue misogyny is wilding, but the plot so far is very, very tame. Unbounded by his promise to stick to the facts, the Brownster treats us to garbage cryptography that can’t possibly make any sense, a picture of the NSA that is nothing less than...

This week (or more like last week because I was a full week late) Forrest and Lina watch the Major Motion Picture, The Da Vinci Code, directed by Ron Howard and starring Tom Hanks and Audrey Tautou, all of whom can catch these hands. In fact, they watch the Director’s Cut, which is an extra 27 minutes of absolutely nothing. For that, Forrest can catch these hands. In this film, Robert Langdon is a...

In this episode, Forrest and Lina are finally free from the tyranny of the best-selling novel of all time as the plot is (disappointingly) revealed and then quickly wrapped up. Robert Langdon gets to play house with another pretty-but-not-too-pretty, smart-but-not-too-smart European woman, Dan Brown Dan-splains all the wrong things, and Silas finally wins our hearts in the end. Also, I hope you li...

In this penultimate dive into the best-selling novel of all time (again, wow), Forrest and Lina read chapters 61-80 of The Da Vinci Code. Robert Langdon has gone full red string-on-cork board bananas, Silas is losing his religion in the corner, and we are treated to some incredible badassery on Leigh Teabing's part despite how creepy he is. Also, Sophie finally reveals the apparently inexcusable t...

This week, Forrest and Lina read chapters 41-60 of the Da Vinci Code. After just about half of the book, we’re finally getting to the meat of the plot, and by meat we mean lies upon lies upon conjecture upon lies. Robert and Sophie are apparently in a series of escape rooms, Dan Brown has apparently eloped with his thesaurus, and apparently bio-essentialism is very feminist. Also, we’re treated to...

In this hot mess of a podcast, Forrest and Lina delve into Chapters 21-40 of the best selling novel of all time (!!!). Robert and Vitt-- I mean, Sophie are on a mad dash through the seedier parts of Paris to decode the meaning of a mysterious symbol, we get treated to an incredible backstory build-up, and Sister Sandrine does what she came here to do. Also, Dan Brown marks Pride month with an extr...

After much anticipation, Forrest and Lina dive into the bestselling book of all time (maybe), The Da Vinci Code. Robert Langdon is whisked away on yet another symbol-based crime adventure with a plot eerily similar to his last symbol-based crime adventure. Art is destroyed, more police officers are compared to animals, and Langdon breaks the greatest promise he's ever made. Also, apparently Dan Br...

This episode, Lina and Forrest unpack the Major Motion Picture, Angels and Demons (starring the inimitable Thomas Hanks). Some movies are so bad they're good; this is not the case with Angels and Demons. This movie is full of Nordic people for no reason, and director Ron Howard has successfully scrubbed any trace of daddy issues from the plot. However, if you were worried about losing Robert Langd...

At long last, Angels and Demons comes to a painful close. Robert Langdon can finally tell us if it hurt when he fell from heaven, the Hassassin has his claim to the title of "Drama Queen" challenged by none other than the Camerlengo, and Mortati is truly too old for this shit. Also, Forrest and Lina are forced to read the worst words ever written in fiction, so now you have to hear them too. Hoste...