The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Covert narcissistic parenting has a massive effect on our children! It leaves gaping holes in their development, which can haunt them for the rest of their lives. And they have NO clue in the early years. They don’t see the abuse in those really young ages, but they certainly feel it. Kids aren’t stupid, They know how they feel. They experience their feelings, even if they can’t verbalize them yet...

I'm drowning in a world of narcissism. I think about it the minute I wake up, all day long, and the last thought before I fall asleep. It is all consuming. Never in my life have I ever absorbed as much information as I have on covert narcissism. I have watched every video, read every book, listened to every podcast, talked to anyone who would listen.  I just can't think about this any longer. Not...

"I am the mom! I know everything and am right about everything." "I am the dad! I know how to handle life. Don’t tell me what to do."   It is true that parents know more than kids, yes. It is also true that parents have more life experience and thus can reason through things more than kids can. Sure. However, parents don’t know everything. They are not always right. Unless of course, you are a cov...

Kathleen bought into the sales pitch of the top notch salesman. He sold himself to her with great sales pitches, carrying the "same" interests, beliefs and values. He seemed so caring and altruistic. She thought, "Wow, this is a prince of a guy." As time went by, she came to the realization that, like his job, she was simply another conquest for him. He was not the guy she thou...

“I divorced a narcissist 10 years ago and now I am married to another one! How in the world did that happen??”   I have talked to so many people who have gone from one narcissistic relationship to another. Finally divorced one narcissist only to find themselves in a relationship with yet another one. For some this may even be a lifetime of many narcissistic relationships. The thought of being trap...

When dealing with covert narcissism, it is so difficult to give yourself permission to set boundaries, physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Yet those boundaries are so vitally important! Within those boundaries comes healing and hope! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Learning the signs of narcissistic mirroring gives you the knowledge you need to keep from being hooked by it. Victim switching, inconsistencies in their behaviors, lack of self and fast intense connections are all things to watch out for. Learn what to do when you see signs of mirroring to help build healthier relationships. Build your own sense of self and get back in touch with your own intuiti...

When dealing with covert narcissism, it is so difficult to give yourself permission to set boundaries, physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Yet those boundaries are so vitally important! Within those boundaries comes healing and hope! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How did I get stuck in an exploitative and manipulative relationship?  Entitlement, power trips, jealousy, guilt trips, manipulation, passive aggressiveness, dishonesty, gaslighting!!   How did I get here? How is it that I am living with this on a daily basis, even excusing it, downplaying it, and justifying it? How did I come to accept this behavior as normal?   Narcissistic mirroring is defined...

An overt narcissist uses couples therapy to improve on the outside. However, the inner traits of narcissism remain and in fact become more refined. Putting on the mask to hide the narcissism simply shows up now as passive aggressiveness and covert narcissism. Narcissists can appear to be doing the work and getting better. Sometimes this just means they are hiding the entitlement, arrogance, superi...

Chameleons change colors according to their environment or their intentions. They change colors to attract mates and to tell intruders to stay away. They hide from their prey and they hide from their predators.    A chameleon type covert narcissist is one who uses their image as their basis of manipulation on others. Covert narcissists rely heavily on their image of themselves for the different ro...

In this episode, Jean shares her story of hope. Looking back in her marriage, she sees the beginning of doubting herself. She was squashed and made to feel unworthy over and over. Along with this, she was so convinced that she needed him, the covert narcissist in her life, and that he was her emotional support. In facing this darkness and its internal effect on her, she found her escape from the s...

I’ve worked with children most of my life in different capacities. One of the things they say that bothers me the most is, “They did that ON PURPOSE!”  One kid swinging his arms around in the room. Another child walks by and gets hit by those swinging arms. They run to the teacher and through their tears declare, “They hit me ON PURPOSE.” This is what it is like living with a covert narcissist. Ex...

Being raised to be a “good girl” sets many of us up for a manipulative and abusive marriage. This is Kathy’s story today. She approached this marriage with so much love, compassion and dedication. He used all of this against her. In her escape and recovery, she asks, “Why didn’t he see the goodness in me that I believed was there? Others saw it, but he never did. What I needed to do was to see the...

With story after story begin full of pain, confusion, anger and depression, it is time to hear some stories of hope. There is life after narcissism! Peace can be found, not from others, but from within yourself.   I am doing a mini series of guest episodes with Stories of Hope. I start by sharing my own story of hope. After being in the darkest place in my life, I am now living a life full of happ...

This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete...

One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.” Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything...

That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, vic...

People often come to me and say, “I need to get better at setting boundaries.” Ok, what have you tried so far? I tried telling him/her - I don’t like it when you call me sweetie. I don’t like that name. What happened? He told me, “but it is because you are SO sweet to me and I can’t believe that you have a problem with me showing my gratitude. You know that really hurts.” So now I feel bad for ask...

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off? Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing...

Have you ever been around someone who believes the rules don’t apply to them? Of course you have or you wouldn’t be here listening to me. Do not trespass means they must walk here, even just a step or two. Do not touch means just a little, only one finger. Even stop signs mean don't stop all the way. This lack of honoring boundaries is absolutely a narcissistic trait. And if they won’t follow soci...

Have you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions? There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make y...

I heard the phrase walking on eggshells, and I thought, “I’m sure glad that I’m not living that way.” This applied to other people. People who were not at liberty to say what they wanted to say. They had to guard their words. I’m so glad I don’t live like that. This was clearly people who were in manipulative and controlling relationships. I felt bad for them. They should probably get out. I wonde...

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong? When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal! The tac...

Have you ever made a bucket list? Things you want to do in this world. You should! Why not? What would be on your bucket list? Not only are they fun, these adventures, big or small, give us so many opportunities to learn in life. A year and a half ago, I jumped out of an airplane. I never dreamed I would actually do this. My boys really wanted to, and they wanted me to join them. You want me to do...