The Comedy Button

Get into that holiday spirit by watching an almost certainly drunk-as-hell Tim Allen stumble his way through one of the most awkward Christmas "comedies" of all time, and laughing (or more like groaning) along with your hosts and commentators Scott Bromley, Brian Altano, Anthony Gallegos, Ryan Scott, and Max Scoville at his absolutely wretched parenting habits. This commentary is available in both...

This week, Ryan gets involved in another Caltrain bloodbath, horse trailers are terrible places for horses, Anthony gets mugged, we keep an eye out for the candy criminals, police sketch artists make terrible drawings, we hate on (but secretly look forward to) The Hobbit, Chris Farley makes us pull the tragedy lever, we urge foster children to stop listening to the show, Hotel for Dogs is pretty m...

It's an all email episode! We tell some Helen Keller jokes, have some adventures in pumping our own gas, provide manbaby decor advice, shake our heads at underage girls with breast implants, brainstorm cheap presents, help a lesbian act gayer, interview Ryan, hear from a member of the Food Fight crew, open up some truly weird snail mail, and learn to fear Scott's new co-worker. Starring Scott Brom...

This week, Anthony had a birthday (and nobody got him a raccoon), we deduce that pothead posters and religious art are pretty much the same thing, adult spy gear and toy helicopters are the coolest things ever, we try to understand Ryan's antiquated audio/video setup, we tell our Thanksgiving tales, Max goes coocoo for pinatas, watching movies on laptops enrages Anthony, Scott's apartment has a nu...

This week, we learn about Max's run-in with a high-level San Francisco hobo, go on surprise vacations, date older women, make fun of the dorks who wear Bluetooth earpieces, argue with backwater hicks, discuss current events that happened three weeks ago, hate the 1%, share our Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez love, get some hot Xbox Live dates, plan some bachelor parties, and lay down some drinking...

This week, we whine about movie credits that go by too fast, engage in some lesbian gym role-play, confirm that flasks are stupid, imagine Teenage Mutant Sex in the City, eat the Price Is Right's big wheel, teach Max a birthday raccoon fact, rave about Wreck-It Ralph, make fun of Food Fight, and explain why drunk texts to lady friends are never good. Starring Scott Bromley, Brian Altano, Anthony G...

This week, the nerds gang up on the bros for liking stupid baby games, and we discuss cutting the proverbial umbilical cord, recall fond memories of the Preview Channel, bemoan our lack of dreams, pitch the next award-winning flavor of Cap'n Crunch, remember the awesome books we read as children, share our weird substitute teacher stories, discuss Anthony's online dating experiences (or lack there...

This week, we recall our first impressions of each other, future careers ruined by Google, the awfulness of Twilight, reading non-comprehension, Maxbergers syndrome, local sportsball championships, San Francisco's useless police force, fun with gas cans, helping elderly people call 9-1-1 for non-emergencies, and the Men's SWEARhouse. Starring Scott Bromley, Brian Altano, Anthony Gallegos, Ryan Sco...

Yes, before director Joel Schumacher ruined childhoods with Batman & Robin, he put Jack Bauer and Bill S. Preston in The Lost Boys -- a weird, slightly uncomfortable tale about creepy teenage vampires. So come along and join Comedy Button hosts Scott Bromley, Brian Altano, Anthony Gallegos, Ryan Scott, and Max Scoville on a journey into the land of the awkward dead. This commentary is available in...

Max shares a whole book of raccoon facts, while Anthony and Brian talk about the joys of moving furniture. Brian also met Anthony's father (and his car full of weapons), we talk about how retarded Star Wars is, and bemoan our lack of cool Lego toys. Also: We don't know what car engines do, but we ran across a crackhead a capella group and a few homeless people on the local awful commuter train. An...

For our 50th episode not-so-spectacular, we talk about taking pictures of our butts as kids, Brian gives all his stuff away, Anthony hunts for tarantulas, no one understands how Max can have an Indian half-brother, everyone tells a sewer story, Brian is an upstanding citizen, we realize that we're getting old, we remember our weird neighbors, we rock out to L. Ron Hubbard's horse jams, Tom Cruise...

This week, we consider the logistics of having sex in space, note that San Francisco is full of either tons of homeless people or werewolves, share some clown facts, express our feelings about less-abled people, have some plunger problems, read some Amazon reviews, recall our most favorite (and most brutal) middle school fights, discuss the things that should never be used in a store display case,...

This week, we talk about impossible expectations for journalism, play "Indian Food or Star Wars Character," discuss the wild and wacky goings-on during the average San Francisco morning, get bored with our futuristic toys, reminisce on how crazy New York can be, laugh at dumb pigeons, laugh at dumb cartoons (and their marketing campaigns), choose between our theoretical daughters banging either Br...

This week, Ryan tries to get healthy, Mike & Ike break up, weird classmates turn into weirder adults, Max and Anthony go to Toys R Us (and deliver a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles history lesson), Max winds up at a sad mall again, we ponder how animals pleasure themselves, Ryan shares his meticulous Indiana Jones notes, and we imagine a world without Guy Fieri. Starring Scott Bromley, Brian Altano,...

We took a week off, so get over it! But now we're back to talk about awkward Tahoe trips, beer-buying logistics, the Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 wrap party, autopsy animals, Brian's Charlotte's Web fan fiction, the Disney Concentration Camp, shoplifting from K-Mart in the '90s, what life is like in the Mrs. Doubtfire house, Kickstarters for sci-fi trash heaps, bad advice for bullied kids, lethal fur...

Apologies in advance for the audio screwiness this week. To make up for it, we tell you all about our trip to the zoo with our second VIP listener, where we watched a prison riot in the gorilla pen, learned about Max's fear of spiders, tried to steal pretzels from kids, took some low blows for the camera, acted like dirty thieves, met the world's funniest goat, and witnessed a race riot in the pol...

This week, we have the most athletic intro ever, mourn the loss of Nintendo Power, mourn the loss of the Sears Wishbook, share our Christmas wishes, learn one mustache's origin story, discover we're too old for Pokemon, recall our parents beating the crap out of us, beg Hollywood not to remake Problem Child, get angry at pretentious art, poop in space, learn how our special guest met his fiancee,...

This week, Max has a terrible werewolf movie pitch, Anthony gets hit on, the Golden Gate bridge gets hot and heavy, nurses rave about cat tranquilizers, Brian shoots himself, Max accidentally blows it, Scott discusses the horrors of Disneyland, we roll our eyes at Velcro wallets, we rant and rave about terrible reality shows, Anthony geeks out about Star Wars Celebration, we open some early Christ...

Sex in the 1920s, live Harry Potter puppet shows, the Home Alone Band, reviews for nature trails, Ryan Scott's Excellent Virginity Adventure, the early days of cybersex, pithy email responses, Anthony's new OkCupid initiative, getting excited over household appliances, the continued ruination of the English language, number 2, sewer-worthy silverware, and extracurricular creativity. Starring Scott...

This week's episode is all about our first group trip to California's Great America theme park, which included trashy people, some wild dancing, whorish preteens, a sweet airbrushed t-shirt, and garbage disguised as food. We also get an email from our saddest listener, hear the craziest story ever (courtesy of this week's special guest), and get some Anthony-targeted love advice from one of our fe...

We discover that horse fights are terrifying, discuss our dream jobs, confirm that chinchillas are terrible animals, solve the mystery of the used condom and the toilet brush, learn to not be such packrats, examine Ryan's downtime, teach Anthony how to talk to girls, get an update from one of our listeners on his crazy girlfriend, recall one amazing '80s turn-of-phrase, learn about Ryan's internat...

This week is all about Max getting hot oral (surgery), breaking into Brian's apartment after a night of drinking, helping Anthony pick up girls, guest host Jack DeVries' San Diego Comic-Con 2012 adventures, the sudden rise in cereal mascot crime, the miracle of courage, the true story behind all those Chuck E. Cheese vomit balls, open-door bathrooms policies, the scavenger hunt for a garbage can i...

This week, we learn all of Anthony's dirty iPad secrets, hear the world's longest manscaping story, share embarrassing secrets with our doctors, get stonewalled by Aeon Flux, remember our terrible family vacations, try to imagine Brian as a child, remember the good old days of Cracked Magazine, talk about Max's cartoon penguin-petting zoo trip, outline just how terrifying bugs are, pour some more...

This week, after host Mike Drucker tells us what it was like working at Nintendo, we imagine which fantasy worlds we would want to live in, beat the dead Brony horse some more, discover that VidCon is the weirdest convention on the planet, talk about terrible music, find out where Max's mom didn't work, recall the strangest sex we've ever had, and learn all about Ryan Scott's fake birthday weekend...

This week, we learn that Donkey Kong Country is kinda racist, fix a car with a donkey, anger the Bronies (again), wonder whatever happened to Sinbad, consider naked skydiving, commit Press Your Luck suicide, distance ourselves from all the babies, discuss having children, make fun of fan fiction, reminisce about Fruit by the Foot, and open up about our fathers. Starring Scott Bromley, Brian Altano...