The Collingwood Rant

Here we go! The Rant to end all Rants. Well, maybe not. We look fleetingly at the loss to Geelong in the semi final with some startling new intel. We explore the protracted Adam Treloar saga and the list management debacle. Then it's a self-examination of Collingwood's empty self-aggrandisement. As well as thoughts on coaching and administrative staff. And more. Much, much more. Collingwood truly...

Once more unto the breach we go ... Hostile territory: check. A team under siege: check. Impossible odds: check. Tactical stodginess ...? Tactical stodginess? Stodginess? Anybody? Anybody for stodginess? Collingwood shock the world with strategic reinvention, selection innovation, and attitudinal galvnisation! Who is this club in black and white stripes? Sly and Spook look at the amazing win over...

It's the rant you want to hear! Or you don't! It's a rant that's insightful! Or it isn't! It's a rant with plenty of exclamation marks! Except when they're not in use. Sly and Spook look at the loss to Port Adelaide, the usual systemic problems, and what's missing from Collingwood. There's also Media Mephitic, and a preview of the first final against West Coast. All on The Rant!

With that comprehensive ... er, thrilling ... um, with that win over the might of the Gold Coast Suns, Collingwood waltz into the finals with the elegance and surety of a one-legged tap dancer. What else does 2020 have in store for the Pies? Despite all the hardship, despite the pain, despite the (gasp) injuries, can we snatch an improbable flag? Well, given the might of our victory over the Suns,...

What a shock of originality! Skill errors: check! Poor entries going forward: check! Questionable decision-making: check! What more do you need going forward into a Collingwood game? System? Strategy? Purpose? Bah! And yet again, Collingwood try to keep their final 4 hopes alive. They try their best. They try to play their brand. But to no avail. Spook and Sly look at the game against the Brisbane...

How good is it to beat the Old Enemy? We went in, fearing the worst. And it looked like a game that would realise our nightmares. Instead, the club would be magnanimous enough to tease us with that bitterest of cocktails: hope. So it's once more unto the breach that we go, exploring Collingwood's surprise victory with all the insight, wit, and profanity, for which we've become almost famous. All o...

What's uglier than the Mona Lisa after it's gone through a shredder? That would be Collingwood's first half against North Melbourne. But, after a hideous first half, Collingwood clicked into gear. They started finding the ball. They started running. They started moving it quickly. And, goddamnit, full credit to Collingwood. They were able to put in a mediocre performance! Is it a false dawn? (Not...

Feeling positive about the future? All happy and full of smiles? Could the future not get any better? Then what fugging club are you following!? It's sure as hell not Collingwood! A blizzard has struck the Pies. A blizzard Melbourne has skied down to look a fast, destructive, capable football team. And which has crushed Collingwood. Coach Nathan Buckley has told us, "We were off tonight." With tha...

What's precise and purposeful and irresistible? Certainly not Collingwood moving the ball forward! It's the Rant, coming to you following Collingwood's thrashing ... er, Collingwood's convincing ... um, Collingwood thingamajig against the Adelaide Crows! What a game for the ages! If we could banish it there, we would! It's also the return of Media Mephitic, as we look at how Collingwood have facto...

What's uglier than Collingwood kicking at goal? Collingwood's forward entries? The gash on Isaac Quaynor's leg? Eddie McGuire's latest gaffe? Or is it Sly's and Spook's dissertation of Collingwood's hideous win? Here it is: a long, hard look at Collingwood's hideous victory! We explore great endeavour and horrible system. We devolve into the misery of our list profile. We wander gleefully through...

What a magnificent, spirited, unrelenting effort. Unfortunately, it was by the Fremantle Dockers! For Collingwood, it was a case that the outlier always rings twice. Marvel at handballs to teammates about to get crunched! Be astounded at bullet handballs feet above their teammate's head! Grow amazed at the chaos ball mindlessly bombed to nonexistent forwards! Drown in a sea of errors, a system-les...

It's the outlier Rant -- the one that comes out on Thursdays! Just like Collingwood's performance -- nothing but an outlier, even if the symptoms have been developing over the last eighteen months. We look at the debacle against the Eagles, the greater problems within the team's performance, and the upcoming sleep-inducing clash against the Dockers.

What's better than one Rant? Two for the price of one! As Victoria goes into lockdown, as Collingwood goes interstate, and as the AFL goes into hubs, the Rant goes where no YouTubers have gone before: off-screen! Over in Greater Western Sydney, we faced our bullies, Hawthorn, and surprised all and sundry to account for them with ease -- but not enough ease to smash them. Then it was over to Perth...

The Collingwood express continues its sprint into oblivion. Losses, scandals, fleeing the state, this club is now doing it all! This week: - What more can you say about the humiliating loss to the Bombers? Well, Sly and Spook somehow manage to find the words, and they're not pretty. - As Sly and Spook prepared for the Sidebottom Crisis, the de Goey Crisis popped up. What is with all the crises at...

A week's a big time in football! In a week, your footballing hopes and beliefs can be smashed, leaving nothing but the wreckage of your latest premiership aspirations. At Collingwood, we call that business as normal. This week: -- Sly and Spook take an exhaustive look at Collingwood's loss to the Greater Western Sydney Giants, and examine why the same problems reappear against the better sides. --...

There's no better time to be ranting and shouting premiership favouritism than during a compromised year after a round 3 win over the hapless St Kilda. Brace yourself for ... -- Sly and Spook's match review. You could swear they were there! -- Sly and Spook answer your questions in their new Q&A segment. -- a preview of the upcoming match against our historical eight-year-old rivals, the Giants, a...

We're moving back into the swing of the 2020 AFL Home & Away season, and what better way to kick off the resumption than with a blockbuster in front of empty seats? This week on The Rant: - Sly and Spook dissect the ignominious draw between Collingwood and Richmond - Media Mephitic is back, and it's the shortest one ever! - Sly and Spook preview the upcoming game against St Kilda! All this on The...

Pandemic schamdemic. Nothing can hold back The Collingwood Rant. Sly and Spook are back with episode two for 2020. They take an extremely belated look at Collingwood's smashing win over the Western Bulldogs. A new segment, "If It Was Collingwood ..." looking at the double standards in the media and how Collingwood is always exploited for clicks. And then, a look at the AFL's plan to continue the s...

You've been waiting for it, you really have! Here it is! Part 2 of The Collingwood Rant's Cultural, Season, and List Review!

You asked for it. You really did! What better way is there to spend a beautiful Sunday than to sit inside and watch Part 1 of The Collingwood Rant's 2019 Cultural, Season, and List Review?

When it comes to Collingwood, the question 'why' is often bandied about, particularly as a season has ended in a spectacular, fiery mess. Now at the Rant, we get to ask, 'Why?' Sly and Spook break down the Preliminary Final loss, and rant their way through to catharsis. Or at least try to. At times like this, only three letters remain: 'CSM'.

What an exciting, eventful week it's been for Collingwood - and we didn't even need to play a game! We look at: - Geelong vs West Coast, and Brisbane vs Greater Western Sydney - how Collingwood has fared in the media - the upcoming Preliminary Final against the Giants! All on The Rant!

Sly and Spook are playing back to their strengths: drinking beer, reviewing games, and waffling like they've haven't waffled ... in two weeks. They look at: -- the victory over the Cats that sees the Pies through to the Preliminary Final (how easy are these prelim things?) -- how Collingwood have fared in the media ... including a look at the recent documentary about their 2018 (how difficult are...

You asked for it -- no, really you did, and here it is: The Collingwood Rant! Here's what we've got for the final H&A episode of the year: -- a match review of our barnstorming victory over Essendon -- Media Mephitic looks at Collingwood traipsing through the media, Bigfoot-like -- the Stephenson Crisis: how dare they let him play one VFL game! -- a look at Collingwood's march into the finals, and...

We could get used to this winning thing. We could. Are you listening, Collingwood? For now, we: -- look at the pulverisation of the pride of South Australia -- check out Collingwood's travails in the media -- preview the clash against the Bombers -- throw around some finals' permutations. All on The Rant!