The Buoyant Leader

The "agreeable" people on your team might be more triggered than you think. They look calm. They sound reasonable. They don't raise their voice or storm out of meetings. But here's what I've learned: appeasers often carry the most tension. Two telltale signs: — Their energy feels "off" even when their words are perfect — They leave critical thoughts unsaid to avoid discomfort If that's you (and it...

That moment when someone challenges your idea in a meeting and you feel your jaw clench... Most leaders think they have two choices: react defensively or bite their tongue and stay quiet. But there's actually a third option that changes everything. Understanding it has transformed how the executives I coach handle pressure, conflict, and unexpected challenges. Here's the thing: What feels like an...

The most successful CEO I know, Alan Mulally , regularly admits his ignorance in meetings. Yet according to most LinkedIn "power language" advice, he's undermining his own leadership every time he speaks. Something doesn't add up. I've been watching these "7 phrases that kill your confidence" posts flood my feed, and I'm seeing a massive blind spot. The advice isn't wrong—it's just backwards. In m...

Why Collaboration Fails: The Rat Park Effect Everyone talks about collaboration. Management consultants worship synergy. Leaders preach teamwork. But genuine collaboration remains elusive—and it's getting rarer. It's not about skill or will. It's about trust. The Cage We've Built In the 1970s, researchers got lab rats addicted to morphine. Isolated in tiny cages, these rodents would press the drug...

The Mindset Mastery Memo is for ambitious professionals who want to lead with clarity, calm, and confidence. Each edition offers practical tools, mindset shifts, and real-world examples to help you navigate pressure, build stronger teams, and break free from patterns that no longer serve you—so you can lead with intention, not reaction. For years, I've referenced and coached teams using Steve Blan...

Preparing a go-to-market strategy for my new program— Get Your Organization Ready for 2030 —has been a study in contrasts. On one hand, I'm building a future-focused curriculum rooted in cutting-edge research. On the other, I’ve been wrestling (personally and professionally, but not literally) with the seductive ease of letting AI do the thinking for me. Let me explain. [ChatGPT: Go ahead, Howie....

I started as a mindset and leadership coach, accidentally became a digital marketing expert, and discovered something powerful along the way: Lack of technical skills are rarely the true roadblock to success. The core issues are always mindset, communication, and leadership.

I've been diving deep into AI lately—and honestly, it's shaking up how I think about myself, my skills, and my identity. As AI gets better at tasks I once saw as uniquely "me," like writing and strategic questioning, I'm grappling with questions like: Am I replaceable? What does it mean to stay relevant when tech can mimic some of my best skills? Inspired by the legend of John Henry—the steel-driv...

Is it just me, or does 2020 feel like just yesterday?  And is it just me, or does time seem to be speeding up at an alarming pace? Which means 2030, a date that feels more like science fiction than current events, is just around the corner. At the urging of one of my mentors, Matt Church of Thought Leaders Business School , I've been spending a lot of time thinking about 2030, and what the wo...

The Mindset Mastery Memo is for ambitious professionals who want to lead with clarity, calm, and confidence. Each edition offers practical tools, mindset shifts, and real-world examples to help you navigate pressure, build stronger teams, and break free from patterns that no longer serve you—so you can lead with intention, not reaction. Great coaching doesn’t end with an “aha.” Once a team member...

When someone you care about is struggling or stuck, you naturally want to help. But giving advice and motivating them can backfire; undermining their ownership and preventing them from developing their independent capability. In previous editions of this newsletter, we've talked about the early stages of the change process: getting their permission to have the conversation, focusing on an energizi...

If you're running a team, maintaining your composure is your single most important skill. The slowest heart rate in the room runs the room. I help leaders manage their triggers so they run their teams more effectively.  When you're helping someone on your team who's been struggling, it's tempting to start the conversation by telling them all your brilliant ideas for solving their problems. Bu...

Many leaders believe their role is to be the one who knows. So when employees are struggling or confused, these leaders instantly shift into teacher mode, providing quick answers and solving problems.  It feels like a win-win. The employee gets their problem solved, and the leader gets to be a hero.  But this dynamic has two big downsides. First, the employee doesn't grow. And second, th...

If you're running a team, maintaining your composure is your single most important skill. The slowest heart rate in the room runs the room. I help leaders manage their triggers so they run their teams more effectively.  Today I want to talk about what to do when you want an employee to change in some way, and you're thinking that they just won't be that into it. How do you "motivate" employee...

One of the biggest roadblocks to progress isn’t lack of effort—it’s lack of clarity. When people are unclear about what they’re working toward, they struggle to stay motivated, make progress, or take meaningful action. Leaders who help their teams clarify goals and expectations set the foundation for success. Why Clarity Matters Without clarity, people operate on assumptions. A vague goal like “im...

I was brought up to view problems as undesirable. Life would be better without them, and so my knee-jerk response to a problem was always to avoid it, fix it, or eliminate it as quickly and completely as possible. When we become leaders, we can bring that "kill-the-problem" mindset into our interactions with others and the systems we work within. And given that everybody's busy and we're managing...

When you offer to help people who are struggling, they don't always welcome your support with open arms.  Sometimes, in fact, they'll actively resist your approach, even if your intentions are simply to be of service.  So what then? What do you do when someone pushes back, shuts down, or even says “no” to your offer of a helping conversation? The Realities of Resistance Many leaders make...

Don’t Rely on Your Position of Power: Leading Through Influence, Not Authority Great leaders understand that true influence isn’t about authority—it’s about trust, respect, and collaboration. While a leadership title may grant you decision-making power, it doesn’t automatically earn you buy-in from your team. In fact, relying solely on positional authority often creates resistance rather than comm...

While tooling around inside my YouTube account (because I was procrastinating working on my book), I discovered that I hadn't looked at the comments in over six months.  As I scrolled through them, I saw lots of appreciative comments, both on my podcast interviews and on my solo talking head videos. "Oh, this interview helped me so much." "There are no words to express what my heart is feelin...

In one of the most famous psychology experiments on children that didn't involve marshmallows, Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson told teachers that some of their students had been identified as "growth spurters" by a new intelligence test, the "Harvard Test of Inflected Acquisition," given at the beginning of the school year.  And sure enough, as the researchers wrote their 1968 article, t...

"Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail One of the big problems with feedback is that it refers to the past.  And one of the big problems with the past is that it can't be changed. So feedback, by its very nature, directs our attention in an unhelpful direction. We can't fix the past; we can only act now in pursuit of a better future.  So if y...

I've watched a lot of submarine movies. And I love how the sonar is pinging constantly, searching for potential threat. When a blip appears on the screen, the crew goes on high alert.  It might be a whale, or a school of fish. But it might also be an enemy vessel or a torpedo. So submariners take their blips very seriously, and assume danger until proven otherwise. And when danger is perceive...

Do you have a dreaded conversation in your future? By “dreaded conversation,” I’m talking about one that you’ve been procrastinating because you don’t want to experience it.  Maybe you’re worried about making them feel bad by telling them some not-so-nice things. Maybe you’re worried about getting frustrated and losing your cool. Maybe you’re worried about saying the wrong thing and making th...

I’m learning Spanish, which is a pretty good idea since I live in Spain. My main activity these days is watching videos made by people who have somehow managed to slow down their speech from the normal Spanish pace of 8 zillion words per minute to something closer to the way you would talk if you were trying to train a particularly dense Golden Retriever to play chess. Recently, I watched a video...

“I didn’t give an employee feedback for six months because I dreaded having the conversation,” a friend whom I’ll call Denny recently confided to me.  He told me this after reading my Harvard Business Review article, “ Feedback isn’t enough to help your employees grow ."  In that article, a coauthor (whom I’ll call Peter Bregman, because that’s his name) and I argue that feedback doesn’t...