The Bigger Boat

In the thrilling conclusion to our discussion of Jurassic Park (1993), all hell breaks loose as the fires of revolution flare. Dinosaurs of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains!

Life finds a way in the first of two episodes on Jurassic Park  (1993), another phenomenal, genre-defining masterpiece from Steven Spielberg. Our plucky crew of scientists, nerds, ops guys, kids, and one rich old man contend with genetically engineered dinosaurs run amok on an island resort. 

In  Abominable  (2006), a girl gang on a bachelorette party weekend must contend with a voyeuristic creep in the house up the hill. Also, a sasquatch wants to eat them. Nbd. 

In The Last Dinosaur (1977), an asshole billionaire named Thrust leads a team of people of varying competence on a quest to find a tyrannosaur living in the North Pole. He's definitely not there to hunt it. Promise. 

Steven Spielberg's  Jaws (1975) is a masterpiece that defined not only the creature feature genre, but filmmaking through the last fifty years. I don't have anything snarky to say; this movie slaps. 

Zombeavers (2014) is the kind of film you see once in a generation, a masterpiece that transcends the genre and rivals the works of Kubrick, Kurosawa, or good Spielberg. Picture attractive young women and their dipshit boyfriends beset by a horde of undead beavers, underpinned by a gut-wrenching human story of heartbreak and revenge. 

The Cabin in the Woods (2011) is a brilliant and hilarious deconstruction of the horror genre. Five college students try to survive a zombie assault in a remote cabin--but not all is as it seems. We love this one. 

Bait aka  Bait 3D  (2012) follows the plight of two great white sharks trapped inside a grocery store in the aftermath of a tsunami. The two big fish must contend with hostile locals in an increasingly desperate bid for survival. Also, there are a bunch of Australian who all look alike. And the guy from Nip/Tuck . 

Our first bonus episode! A month back, special guest/musical genius Jason joined Ethan to see Godzilla Minus One (2023) in the theatre, like the fancy gentlemen that we are. Honestly, we loved it. Join us for a discussion of what may well be the best Godzilla movie ever made, and a strong contender for best film of the year. Plus: a long-winded, meandering intro for you Dispatches from Seattle fan...

In our first zombie movie, Anna and the Apocalypse (2017), our titular character and her friends must fend off a swarm of Christmastime zombies with the power of song. It's Britain, so like, they don't just all have guns, like Americans would. You have to improvise. 

Krampus (2015) sees our heroes confront the greatest foe of all: family. Also, a goatman Anti-Santa of German legend. Will these unfortunates band together to fend off Krampus's retinue of holiday horrors?

In  A Quiet Place  (2018), two negligent parents kind of sort of try to keep their children alive in the midst of a monster apocalypse. Ethan loves this movie, but Mom is a hater. Plus: Ethan endorses nuclear weapons! 

Godzilla, King of the Monsters!  (1956) is the recut, redubbed, overall Americanized version of the original Japanese Gojira we covered last week. Look how they massacred my boy! We discuss what this version gets right, what it's missing, and how surprisingly gay it is. 

The original Japanese Gojira (1954) is a sad movie. Godzilla's first outing, directed by Honda Ishirō, sees the giant kaiju at his most wrathful, an avatar of war punishing humanity for unleashing nuclear weapons upon the world. Despite how campy the series would swiftly become, the original is a grim, violent movie concerned with the human propensity for self-destruction. It's honestly...

Anaconda (1997) features Jon Voight's strangest performance. Like, I haven't seen all his movies, but this has got to be the weirdest. I dunno, fight me. Anyway, Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson, and podcast favorite Kari Wuhrer go up-river to die horribly in the coils of giant anacondas. It's great. 

In what is nearly but not quite the nadir of the series, 1987's Jaws: The Revenge (aka  Jaws IV ) sees an unlikely cast of talented actors face off against the second great white to declare la vendetta against the Brody family. Will Ellen Brody, her dumbass son, and the friendly local drug smuggler escape piscine vengeance? Or will the ghost of Jaws I finally be able to rest in peace knowing...

We confront our fears with  Eight Legged Freaks (2002), in which giant spiders run amok through a small Arizona town.  Starring a young Scarlett Johansson, Kari Wuhrer, and the ghost of David Arquette's career, we once again see plucky weirdos assailed by bugs in the desert. Will Oswald's gun be enough to fend off the octopedal horde? 

A US government experiment with a hunger for flesh runs amok in a small town in the 1988 remake of The Blob . Will the townsfolk make the tragic mistake of trusting shady authority figures, or will they be saved by local activism and self-organization? Plus: we recorded a whole episode with a guest without the audio crapping out on us! 

Matthew McConaughey's arms fight every dragon in the world in Reign of Fire (2002). In another movie that's Actually Good, survivors of a dragon apocalypse must contend with their ash-eating oppressors. Will dragonkind's magnificently stupid breeding strategy give humanity enough of an edge to prevail? 

In  Komodo (1999), we see yet another chapter in the endless battle between nature and evil oil companies. Unfortunately, a traumatized and profoundly annoying boy is stuck in the middle of it all. Plus: we delve into the darkness lurking in Mom's mind. 

In  Them!  (1954), hardworking sugar merchants face ants of unusual size. Spawned by humankind's nuclear folly, these ants will stop at nothing to propagate their species and ensure that insect civilization, not human, dominates this world now and always!

Did you eat your oatmeal? In John Carpenter's The Thing (1982), Kurt Russell, Keith David, and the immortal Wilford Brimley face a monster from space that eats to live and lives to eat. Will an arsenal of military surplus be sufficient to defend them? All sarcasm aside, The Thing is a brilliant film and you should watch it.  Donate to the Maui Strong Fund: https://www.hawaiicommunityfoundatio...

In  The Thing from Another World (1951), it's science vs. the military vs. an alien vegetable! Scientists and airmen at a remote North Pole outpost must contend for their lives with a murderous, intelligent carrot (and also, radiation). 

Attack the Block (2011) takes us back to London, this time with aliens. When police fail to react to an alien invasion, a group of neighbors band together to provide effective community defense. Will they prevail against the imperialist alien invader? 

Twister (1996) dares to ask the real questions. Are tornadoes people? Are they really after Jo? Or do our protagonists' struggles spring from an adrenaline-fueled, narcissistic fantasy that sees them as the main characters in a drama of their own construction? Join us as we debate whether this is even a monster movie!