The Bible in Fewer Words

Daniel and his friends are befriended by the master of the eunuchs in Nebuchadnezzar's court. But they refused to eat the meat and wine that the king provided. Daniel proposed a test (the first and only experiment in the Bible) -- let them eat a non-alcoholic vegan diet for ten days and then compare them to the control group (who ate meat and wine) and then see who looks better. So that's...

This episode includes the famous prophecy about Gog and Magog. No one knows what it is about, but that hasn't stopped them from explaining it to us. About all that can be said for sure is that there will be a whole lot of shaking going on. God will cause every fish in the sea, every beast and creeping thing, and every human on earth to shake. And every wall and mountain will fall down. God wil...

In this episode, God continues his message to people everywhere: He'll kill them all and then they'll know that he is the Lord. But it ends with something completely different. Ezekiel prophesies to a valley of dry bones, and the bones come to life - giving us the song, "Dem Bones". Then he joins two sticks together, representing the tribes of Israel and Judah. The text and notes...

God describes making a scum-filled pot of stew to represent filthiness and lewdness of Jerusalem, which God will destroy in his fury. Then he kills Ezekiel's wife and tells him not to mourn her. He does this to show how God will soon kill the children of Israel with a sword and tells them not to mourn their deaths. God goes on to describe (again) his plans for the various nations. He's goi...

God tells us a story in this episode about his two wives. They were both unfaithful to him so he had them gang raped, mutilated, and killed. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/205.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

In this episode, God explains why he gave us laws that were not good. Like the one he gave in Exodus 22:29 that tells us to give our firstborn sons to him (as a burnt offering?). He did it so that we would know that he is God. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/204.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https:/...

God begins this episode by saying that he sometimes deceives prophets. And when he does, he then kills the prophet and whoever believes him. Next he says that when people sin, he will kill them all with beasts, swords, famine, and pestilence. He'd only save three people: Noah, Daniel, and Job. Then God talks about his marriage to Jerusalem. He saved Jerusalem when she was an abandoned baby, ra...

There's a lot of bizarre stuff in this episode. God killed a prophet named Pelatiah for saying something that I don't think even God understood. And God is against the pillows that the women prophets were making. Strange stuff from one of the Bible's strangest books. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/202.html This epis...

God continues to describe the evil things he plans to do to people - and when he does them, they will know that he is God. (This is the theme of the book of Ezekiel.) A couple of things happen in this episode that we saw in the last one: Ezekiel sees God's loins again, and he also see's the creatures with four faces (cherub, man, lion, and eagle), along with the wheels that are covered wit...

God tells Ezekiel to lie on his left side for 390 days, then on his right for another 40 days. God says he'll tie him with ropes so he cant move during this time. Meanwhile, God tells him to bake bread using wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet, and spelt - and human dung. When Ezekiel complains, God says he can use cow dung instead. Next, God tells Ezekiel to cut off his hair and beard and d...

The episode begins with Ezekiel's sighting of an unidentified flying object. God also makes an appearance, with Ezekiel getting a glimpse of his loins. God introduced himself to Ezekiel and sent a hand holding a book down to him. God told him to eat the book, which he did and it tasted like honey. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-w...

The book of Lamentations explains why Jerusalem was invaded and destroyed by Nebuchadnezzar. She was like a menstruous woman who committed sexual sins with her many lovers. Her filthiness was in her skirts. So God punished Jerusalem with the rod of his wrath, killing young and old without pity, and forcing mothers to eat their children. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https:...

Jeremiah continues his rant against the whole world. God is going to kill everyone Jews and Gentiles alike. He'll kill the Jews that fled to Egypt with the usual things: the sword, famine, and pestilence. He'll kill the Gentiles with his own sword that will be drunk with blood. He'll force the Egyptians to kill each other. He'll flood the Philistines and won't let fathers save...

Jeremiah goes to prison again for telling the people not to defend themselves against Nebuchadnezzar. When he continues to repeat his doomsday prophecies, the king's officials throw him in a dry well. He would have died there if it weren't for an Ethiopian eunuch, who, with 30 others, lifted him out of the well. Jeremiah and God tell the people not to go to Egypt to escape the Babylonian a...

In this episode, God praises the people for freeing their (Hebrew) slaves - and then threatens to kill them for taking them back. God also rewards the Rechabites for not drinking alcohol, planting crops, or living in houses. So is God against slavery, drinking alcohol, agriculture, and houses? I don't know, but he seems to be in these chapters. Also in this episode, Jeremiah's book is read...

God told Jeremiah to put a yoke on his neck and go talk to the kings that were visiting king Zedekiah. He told them that God had given everything on earth to Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon, who would put a yoke on their necks and force them to serve him. God would slaughter any nation who refused. But a prophet named Hananiah had a different prophecy. He said that God had broken Nebuchadnezzar's yo...

In this episode, God gives Jeremiah a cup of wine and tells him visit each king on earth, forcing them to drink from it until they get drunk, vomit, and fall down. Then God will kill them all with a sword. Dead bodies will cover the ground from one end of the earth to the other. No one will mourn or bury them. They'll be like dung on the ground. The text and notes for this episode can be found...

Jeremiah 19:9 is one of the worst verses in the Bible. In it, God says that he will force parents to eat their children and friends to eat their friends. It's hard to imagine anything worse than that. But there is also something nice that God says in this episode. He says we should defend the helpless and be kind to orphans and widows. (If we don't he'll kill us.) The text and notes fo...

God makes his intentions clear in this episode. He's going to punish the people of Judah with unspeakable torments because of something their king (Manasseh) did a hundred years ago. And any prophet who says otherwise is a false prophet. God tells Jeremiah not to get married because if he does, God will kill his family and feed them to the birds and beasts. When the people reject his prophecie...

Did you hear about the time God told Jeremiah to go to the Euphrates River and put his underwear in a hole in a rock? Yeah, well that's in this episode. God also tells Jeremiah that he's going to get everyone drunk and then smash them all together, children and parents, killing them all. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/1...

The episode begins with God telling Jeremiah that he won't kill everyone in Judah if Jeremiah can find one good person in Jerusalem. The Bible doesn't say whether Jeremiah or God looked for any. Jeremiah and God continue to accuse the people of sexual immoralities, but no one will listen to them since they have uncircumcised ears. God says he will pour out his fury on children, young men,...

God made Jeremiah a prophet while he was still in his mother's womb and put words in his mouth while he was just a boy. He told Jeremiah to tell Judah and Israel that they have been unfaithful to God (their husband), by having sex on every high hill and under every green tree. God says he'll kill them and their children unless they return to him and circumcise the foreskin of their heart....

The last eleven chapters of Isaiah are often called "Third Isaiah", and were probably written after the Jews returned from Babylon in 539 BCE. They include two passages that Jesus quoted in the gospels: Chapter 61, which he read in a synagogue in his hometown of Nazareth - after which his hometown neighbors tried to throw him off a cliff. (Luke 4:14-30). And the last verse of Isaiah, whi...

In this episode we learn about God's tattoo, which is a name engraved on the palms of his hands. That God will force those who oppress Israel to eat their own flesh and get drunk on their own blood. And that God divorced Israel's mother, not for her sins but for Israel's. Or something like that. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/f...

In this episode we learn that King Cyrus is the messiah and that God creates evil. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/I-create-evil If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW