The Bible in Fewer Words

In this episode, Jesus gets baptized by John the Baptist, is tempted by the devil, calls his first four disciples, and heals some devil-possessed lunatics. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/234.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

The New Testament begins in the most boring way possible - with a genealogy. But at least it's only 17 verses, rather than nine chapters, like in the beginning of 1 Chronicles. The point of the genealogy is to show that Jesus was a descendant of David, as was expected of the Jewish Messiah. But it doesn't show that because is it Joseph's genealogy, and Joseph, according to Matthew, was...

This is last of the minor prophets and the last book of the Old Testament. It ends, appropriately enough, with a curse. In Malachi, we learn that God hated Esau (and still does) for no apparent reason; that God still wants animals sacrifices (but only non-handicapped ones); and that if you refuse to give him sacrifices and tithes, he will corrupt your children and spread dung upon your face. The t...

In this episode, God names a couple of sticks "Beauty" and "Bands". He stands on the Mount of Olives while splitting it in two. He feeds the flock of slaughter, while smiting every horse with blindness and every rider with madness. He says he'll kill 2/3 of of the people and burn the survivors. And he'll cause people's flesh to rot away while they are standing, thei...

The book of Zechariah gets off to a bad start with eight bizarre and uninterpretable visions. No one knows what any of them are supposed to mean. So don't expect them to make any sense. There is some good advice in chapters 7 and 8, though. Don't oppress widows, orphans, strangers, or the poor. And don't wish evil on other people. The text and notes for this episode can be found here:...

Haggai is the tenth of the twelve minor prophets. So we only have two more to go before the end of the Hebrew Scriptures. In Haggai, God complains about the house that the people built for him after returning to Jerusalem after the Babylonian Exile. He wants a big house - like the one Solomon built for him. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/f...

This is another little book of doom and gloom. It is perhaps most famous for inspiring the Dies Irae - a Latin sequence that was used in the Roman Catholic liturgy in the Requiem Mass. (It was removed in the reforms of the Second Vatican Council.) The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/228.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider sup...

Habakkuk is another strange little book that is seldom read or quoted. No one knows why it is in the Bible. It isn't referred to anywhere else, except for in the apocrypha. In the Additions to Daniel, an angel grabs Habakkuk by the hair and carries him from Judah to Babylon, where he feeds Daniel in the lions' den some of his homemade stew and bread. The text and notes for this episode can...

This is another strange little book that is mostly ignored by Bible believers. And for good reason. It has nothing to say to anyone, unless you happen to be living in Nineveh during the seventh century BCE. If so, then watch out. God is going to get you. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/226.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consi...

Like Isaiah before him, God told Micah to prophesy while naked and barefoot. And the prophecy was pretty much the same, including this verse, which is the same in both books: "They shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up a sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more." (<a href="/mic/4.html#3">Mi...

The story of Jonah is familiar to most of us. But the most interesting parts were left out of the children's Bible stories that were read to us when we were young. So join Carole and I as we tell the story once again. We promise not to leave out any of the interesting parts. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/224.html If you en...

Obadiah is the Bible's least-read book. And there's a good reason for that -- it has nothing to say that would be of interest to anyone. Unless you're from Edom, that is. Then you'd learn that God hates you and plans to kill you (for something he claims your ancestors did). Oh, and if your a heathen, the day of the Lord is near. That's when he'll kill you too. The text and...

Amos continues to describe God's plans to destroy Israel. The highlight of the episode, though, is when Amos sees God standing on a wall with a plumbline in his hand. Later Amos sees God standing on the altar. God says he will kill everyone in Israel, except for a few lucky survivors, who will drink wine and live happily ever after. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https:...

There only verse in the book of Amos that often quoted is Amos 5:24, a verse made famous by Martin Luther King, Jr. in his "I have a dream" speech, in which he said: "[We] will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream." And it does seem like a nice verse - and, therefore, completely out of place in the book of Amos. The text...

Joel tells the drunkards to wake up. The locusts are eating everything and the Lord's day is at hand. The beasts are groaning, the cows are perplexed, and a fire is burning everything. But don't worry, maybe God will repent and pour out his spirit on everyone. Young people will prophesy, old men will dream, and young men will have visions. And there'll be blood, fire, and pillars of sm...

God is angry with Israel for various things: committing adultery and lewdness, mixing with strangers, and going whoring after other gods. So he decides to punish them by smashing babies and ripping apart pregnant women. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/219.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreo...

The book begins with God telling Hosea to marry a whore. So Hosea marries a harlot named Gomer. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/218.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW CHAPTERS 0:00 Intro 1:30 Chapter 1: Go marry a whore 5:55 Chapter 2: Tell your mother that she's a whore 7:00...

In this episode, Daniel presents the numbers that have been (and still are) used to predict the end of the world. Seventy years or seventy weeks; a time, times, and a half; three and a half years, 42 months, 1260 days; 1290 and 1335 days. Daniel, with the help of Gabriel and Michael (and maybe Jesus), explains it all for you. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsa...

Daniel's second vision is a lot like his first. So I won't repeat it here. But we do get to meet Gabriel, who shows up to interpret the dream. (We don't really need the his interpretation, though, since this is the third time that the same story is told.) The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/216.html If you enjoy these po...

Daniel had a dream about four beasts. It troubled him, so he asked a bystander about it, who explained it all to him. To find out what the bystander said, you'll have to listen to the episode - or read Daniel 7 for yourself. In either case, you'll probably have the same that problem Daniel had after his dream - your head will trouble you. The text and notes for this episode can be found he...

This is the most famous story in the book of Daniel. An angel saves Daniel from the lions. Then those who accused him are cast into the lions' den, along with their wives and children. And lions tear them all to pieces. (This part is usually left out of the children's Bible story.) The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/214.htm...

This is one of the most famous stories in the book of Daniel. It is also where the phrase "the handwriting on the wall" comes from. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/213.html If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at https://patreon.com/BFW

Nebuchadnezzar wrote a letter to everyone on earth to tell then about his dream. He asked his wise men to interpret it, but they couldn't. So he asked Daniel to do it. Daniel explained it all to him, saying that his kingdom would be taken away from him and he'd eat grass like an ox for seven times (whatever that might mean). And that's exactly what happened! After Neb returned from eat...

Nebuchadnezzar made a golden image that was 30 meters tall and 3 meters wide. Everyone was ordered to fall down and worship it. Whoever refused would be thrown into a fiery furnace. Daniel's three companions refused so they were thrown into the furnace. The fire was so hot that it burned to death those who made it. But not Daniel's friends. Not a hair on their heads was singed and they did...

King Nebuchadnezzar had a bad dream. He asked his wise men to guess his dream and interpret it for him. If they couldn't, he'd cut them in pieces. But Daniel said he could do it - and he did. To reward him, the king became a Jew and made Daniel the most powerful man in Babylonia. The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/210.html...