The Bible in Fewer Words

This episode is all about honesty. Sometimes it's safer to tell Moses (and God) what they want to hear. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

Miriam and Aaron criticize Moses for marrying an Ethiopian woman. And God strikes Miriam (but not Aaron) with leprosy for complaining. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

During the Exodus, the people complained - so God burned them to death. They complained again - this time about the lack of food and water - and God sent them food not "for a day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days; but even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you." Fun stuff. Then "while the flesh was still between...

If you'd like to become a Nazarite like Samson or Samuel, this episode is for you. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

In this episode, God tells us what a husband should do if he suspects that his wife has been unfaithful. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

A list of rewards is given for obeying all of God's commandments. And a much longer list or punishments is given for disobeying them. (For example, God will force you eat your children if you disobey him.) In this episode, you'll also learn the dollar value of human life - at least to God. (It depends on you age and sex, but it works out to between a few dollars or a few hundred dollars -...

If you've followed along so far, you can probably guess what God's punishment for blasphemy might be. But you'll get all the gory details in this episode. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

There's a rather long list of people that God commands us to kill - sometimes by stoning or burning them to death. This list includes the infamous verse of Leviticus 20:13, which is often quoted to justify the mistreatment of homosexuals. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

This episode has one of the best verses in the Bible - Love your neighbor as yourself. Leviticus 19:18 But it also has some strange ones: Don't sow with mixed seeds, and don't mix linen and wool in the same garment. Consider all fruit from fruit trees less than three years old to be uncircumcised. Don't round the corners of your heads or mar the corners of your beards. And it also has...

There's a whole chapter in the Bible (Leviticus 18) that tells you who shouldn't have sex with - or as the King James Version puts it - whose nakedness you shouldn't uncover.  It also has one of the most homophobic verses in the Bible - Leviticus 18:22. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

We've all heard about scapegoats and Yom Kippur. In this episode we learn where they came from. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

As God himself explains in Lev 15:32-33, "This is the law of a man that has an issue, or who is defiled by the seed that comes out of him, and of women who are sick of her flowers and of a man that lies with her" - that is, a man with an infected penis, a woman who is menstruating, and a man who has sex with her in this condition. Important stuff that you won't want to miss! The text...

In this episode, God explains his views on childbirth and leprosy.  Here is a brief summary. Women are unclean and sinful after childbirth - and they are twice as unclean if they have a baby girl. Those with leprosy are unclean and excluded from the community. But fortunately, God has a cure for leprosy.  For the details, listen to the podcast. The text and notes for this episode can be found here...

In this episode, God explains his complete animal taxonomy.  All animals are classified as either clean or unclean. The unclean animals are abominations to God, and he insists that we consider them abominable as well.  Among the abominable birds are eagles, owls, hawks, and herons - and bats, which just abominable birds to God. Other abominable creatures are shrimp, crabs, lobster, oysters, and cl...

In this episode, we hear more about the urim and thummim and the curious girdle of the ephod.  Moses wipes blood on Aaron and his four sons' right ears, thumbs, and big toes. The fat, rump, intestines, liver, unleavened cake, oiled bread, wafer, and right shoulder are all waved for a wave offering before the Lord. Blood is sprinkled on Aaron and his sons, and everyone sees the glory of the Lord. A...

In this episode, we learn what God wants us to do when we are unclean and guilty for for touching bodily discharges, dead bugs, etc. It's all a statute forever. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

Leviticus begins by giving detailed instructions for animal sacrifice. Burnt offerings, meat offerings, and peace offerings - and sprinkling blood seven times in front of God so he can forgive your sins through ignorance. God explains it all for you in the first few chapters of Leviticus. But in all of this, remember: All the fat is the Lord's! The text and notes for this episode can be found here...

The last six chapters of Exodus are about a man who was filled "with the spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, and in knowledge," a man, who no one has ever heard of - Bezaleel. He and his helper, Aholiab, devised all manner of curious and cunning works in gold, silver, brass, stones, and wood. These two men and their wonderous works were so important to God that he spent five chap...

In Episode 39, Moses broke the original stone tablets. Now, in this episode, God replaces them with another set, saying that he'd write the same words that were on the first ones. But the words and the commandments on the replacement set were quite different. So which are the real ten commandments? The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider su...

In this episode, Moses talks to God face to face, and asks to see God's glory. God says he can't see his glory, but shows him his back parts instead. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

Aaron makes a golden calf, the people dance around naked, and God decides to kill them all. But Moses talks God out of it, breaks the stone tablets, and tells the people to kill their family, friends, and neighbors. The Levites obey him and kill 3000 people. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

In this episode, God lays out his flat tax plan. He demands half a shekel as a ransom from everyone - or he'll send plague on you. The rich won't pay more and the poor won't pay less. We also learn that priests much wash up - or they'll die. And God gives us detailed instructions for making perfume. But for God's sake, don't use it on yourself! Oh, and make sure you properl...

In this episode you will learn how to make wave, heave, and sin offerings to God - along with daily animals sacrifices and instructions for making your own sacrificial altar. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

This episode provides all the details you'll need to outfit and ordain a priest. But no one follows this procedure today. Jews haven't followed it since the destruction of the second temple in 70 CE. And Christians ignored it completely right from the beginning - as they have most of the commandments and instructions that are found in the Hebrew Scriptures. So if no one follows it, why isn...

In this episode God gives us his wish list. Well, it's not really a wish list, it's a list of things that he demands from us. There are so many things that God wants that it takes three chapters to list them - and they are repeated again later in Exodus. One thing is obvious from the list: God really likes gold. For example, the vessels alone will require a talent of gold, which is about 3...