The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Please join us in our deserted power station under the 110 overpass as we welcome legendary actress, comedian, author, and animation megastar: the inimitable Kristen Schaal! Ignore the lack of bathrooms and that low hum as we steal electricity from the rusty lamppost on the corner, and simply enjoy the effervescent conversation about creative head holes, public poo etiquette, historical colon bloc...

It's August! As the oppressive humidity sets in and the mosquito bites multiply exponentially, why not shove little Billy and Jessica in the backseat of the 'ol family station wagon and head to Orange County to experience the magical enchantment of the happiest place on Earth! Pay gobs of your hard-earned cash for for the privilege of dodging strollers and participating in the crass commercialism...

Do you goon on BookTok? Are you rizzing after peeping a gyatt at Taco Junk while reading Colleen Hoover? Do you spend your Saturdays being chalant while flicker gooning and running duos with the GOAT? If you didn't reply to those questions with, "I'm doing W, honestly. On skib," then you are in desperate need of "Trixie and Katya's Guide to Hawk-Tuah'ing One's Drake." For just $99 plus shipping an...

As we approach the peak summertime Bob-B-Que months (zing), we'd like to share Bob the Drag Queen's 8 tips for a successful chicken wing soiree, which will ensure that your fowl party is anything but foul: 1) Send your dinner party invitations by Pony Express or personal messenger at least 10 days in advance. Include a cooked goose or snuff box for extra enticement. 2) Select an appropriate color...

Feeling down? Need an escape from the grind? Just committed a crime and need to lay low? Captain Sasha Colby and the crew on The Bald & the Beautiful's new cruise ship, "Gettin' Nauti", will whisk you away to melt into the pastel-hued villages that dot the rocky shoreline of Italy's picturesque Amalfi Coast! Like a painter’s palette providing a resplendent contrast to the undulating sea of cobalt...

In the grand pantheon of lusciously loud cackles, there exists two gorgeous human specimens for whom the rules of physics do not even remotely apply. These two auditory angels, known colloquially as Drew Afualo and Trixie Mattel, fly right up to the sonic barrier, spit in its face, and emit laughs at such an octave that only the gods atop Mount Olympus can hear without permanent hearing loss. So c...

As we gather together this week to celebrate America's 248th birthday on rooftops, in backyards, and on sandy beaches, let us indulge ourselves with highly processed, nitrate-filled beef rods, sun-baked mayonnaise-soaked potato salad, and luke-warm hard seltzers. In the true spirit of our nation's independence, we are presenting a carefully curated collection of clips that cover the broad spectrum...

This week on KBLD's Schlock & Beautiful Masterpiece Theater, we bring you the preeminent 1973 sexploitation film, Queen of the Amazons starring the one, the only, Naomi Smalls! In the far-away island Hermythia off the coast of Papua New Guinea, there lives a tribe of Amazons who are the epitome of primal power, sexual desire, and goddess-like grace. For centuries, men were kept by these Amazons as...

As the days get longer and the jean shorts shorter, images come to mind of lazy, breezy days on the beach with merlot in a can and a juicy paperback that you simply can't put down. Within this very special episode of Bald with the inimitable Sarah Schauer, resides a collection of literary gold for all manner of readers from young to old and everywhere in between. Running the gamut from erotic worm...

According to a 2023 Rand Corporation study, 88% of romantic partners have searched for adult videos online or fantasized at night about hot, hunky men with bigger, thicker, more luxurious penises. Has your partner lied awake at night wishing that your pork sword was unbelievably massive? Do you find yourself lacking self-confidence because of that frightened little turtle between your legs? If so,...

It was a steamy mid-August night outside of Bismarck, North Dakota. My cherry-red 1987 Yugo got a flat on Route 94 and I had to hoof it through the darkness to a truckstop. It was the kind of place that was stuck in time, like your Uncle's wood-paneled fishing cabin in Minnesota. After a quick meal of a lifeless burger on a soggy bun and even soggier fries, I made my way to the parking lot to see...

Are you the patient zero who caused the epidemic of fierceness? Is your self-confidence and mettle, like chlamydia, insanely contagious and as deadly as your icy-blue determination? When people are in dire need of inner-affirmations, do you transform like Superman into the magical Courage Guru? Do you eat a steaming bowl of tenacity every morning and poop out self-doubt before leaving your home an...

Harnessing the quaint, country elements of middle America but with a contemporary spin, "Modern Farmhouse Decor" blends clean lines, muted color palettes, and textured materials to give birth to a timeless look bursting with both joie de vivre and sliding barn doors that offer absolutely no privacy or sound-dampening whatsoever. Whether you and your flatulent husband Gary are in search of a light,...

As part of our annual Pre-Pride Kink Safety Awareness Month, we'd like to offer you this episode featuring the iconic multi-hyphenate and eminent enfant terrible, Tammie Brown! The hour of magical audio and video you are about to consume shall serve as a helpful resource for safely integrating a shampoo bottle into your regular sex-tool-rotation. It's important to remember that while incorporating...

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes of Sandy's ghost that was left in a frigid backstage green room on the Trixie and Katya Live tour, the exquisitely gorgeous, explosively hilarious, and effortlessly charming icon of stage and screen Kelly Mantle explodes into the studio like a jubilant grenade, spewing merriment into the faces of every human in the room. Close your shades, dim the lights, pour...

Prepare yourselves to be regaled by tales of the magical, the mysterious, and most of all the memorable, as we welcome to the pod the Queen of Commerce, the Princess of Payments, the Baroness of Bankrolls, the Countess of Capital, the Duchess of Debt, the one, the only...(She is the MOMENT): Monét X Change! There’s no more shame in your gut game! Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hi...

From ancient Indian yogic texts to brittle Chinese scrolls to the age of Egyptian Pharaohs when gods walked amongst us, Urine Therapy has been the secret, golden-hued cure for ailments both minor and severe. The miraculous results of Urophagia are almost too numerous to count. Whether you're drinking it, massaging it on your skin and gums, or completely submersing yourself in the sweet, golden wat...

This week on Little Bald on the Prairie, tune in for a very special episode that the whole family will enjoy. When lying-ass Nellie falls from Laura Ingalls' beloved horse Bunny, that little potato-faced humpty b*tch fakes paralysis rather than simply admit that she's profoundly bad at riding a horse. When Bunny is scheduled to be destroyed at the local glue factory, little Laura Ingalls assumes t...

Recorded live in the famed "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" capital city of Virginia, please join us for a cordial evening of spirited conversation about art, politics, and culture. After the dessert course, we shall retire to the parlour for a snifter of cognac and a lively debate about the finer points of testicular-grooming, Timothée Chalamet's bird-like features, and wired nipples. To try Am...

Behold, everyone's favorite Drag Race Season 16 faux-villain: Plane Jane! With her shared Boston roots and actual Russian ancestry, she is essentially the little sister of Katya everyone loves to faux-hate. From hot takes on Dune 2 to an affinity for Eastern European glam-pop, get ready for a Bald interview filled with tense smiles, deliciously-awkward pauses, and eventually a genuinely heart-warm...

In a world where fashion knows no boundaries, comes a story of self-discovery, unexpected transformations, and erotic culinary adventures. When Jack Huntley is about to lose his old-school diner to a landlord who wants a fancy new restaurant led by a celebrity female chef, he decides to take things into his own hands and become that female chef. With a blonde bouffant wig, 6-inch stilettos, and ey...

When a Paramus, New Jersey Van Heusen factory outlet is taken over by a vicious gang of black-market avocado dealers from British Columbia, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to stand up to the criminals and save those business-casual khakis! This Summer, robbing a boomer sportswear company isn't going to be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. It's Paul Blart: Mall Carp to the rescue! The...

Welcome to Trixie & Katya's Le Poupée Spa, located in a gorgeously-restored halfway house in the beating heart of urine-soaked Hollywood. Forget your hideous spouse, your under-achieving children, and that rash on your inner thigh that simply won't go away, and let yourself slide into blissful relaxation with a massage that was created by six of Moldova's top massage therapists (including eight-ti...

We are proud to partner this week with the Anti Phone-Shaming League of North America to bring you a very important message: you, dear listeners, are so much more than your phone. Do you have an iPhone X? An iPhone SE? Or even an Android? You're not alone. We are here for you. We want you to know that you are loved, appreciated, and your self-worth is about so much more than that thin piece of gla...

We here at BALD, LLC, including our main counsel Henry Z. Winkleschmiggens IV, Esq., would like to take this opportunity to clear the air regarding the rampant online rumors surrounding Trixie Mattel and Helen Hunt's fictional father in 1996's epic action movie Twister. Is Dr. Jo Harding's father, who was literally sucked into a massive tornado whilst trying to hold a makeshift shelter's door clos...