The Arts Hole

America never understood the appeal of the Krankies, as evidenced by this woefully botched adaptation.  ...None of that is true, but it would have been more entertaining than this absolute nothing of a film from 2004. Still, Happy Christmas.  SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain on your creative project with Script Doctor Services here

Listener request episode! Moana is back, and this time the stakes are... Less? We look at the hurried and underwhelming sequel to the previous, much better Disney movie.   SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain on your creative project with Script Doctor Services here

 Listener request episode! We go down the Warren rabbit hole as wholesome franchise heroes (but real life pedo-grifters) Ed & Lorraine Warren battle demons for what might be the final "Conjuring" movie, except it probably won't be if the franchise remains profitable.   SHOW NOTES:  Article on the Warren's controversy quoted in the show Hollywood Reporter article on the Warrens and the franchis...

 It's the end of the world as we know it, and we feel conned.  Oscar winner Kathryn Bigelow turns in a frankly unfinished movie that might or might not be about a nuclear strike on America. We'll never know! Console yourself with the brief appearances of some actors you like and let us be frustrated on your behalf.    SHOW NOTES:  Jo Light's great story analysis of House of Dynamite on No Film Sch...

 A Halloween roundup episode as we talk about things that we didn't critique fully, things we actually liked, and why feminism remains a battleground in horror as well as in increasingly horrifying reality.    SHOW NOTES:  Find out more about the F-Rating project 'Last Fuckable Day' comedy sketch    SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain...

 Even a man who is pure of heart, and says his prayers at night, May become a wolf in a promising film that rapidly turns to shite...  Invisible Man writer/director Leigh Whanell tries to reinvent another classic monster franchise, and while it's not a total howler it definitely goes to the dogs by the final act. We do our best to diagnose where this often-quite-good horror story falls apart.  SHO...

 Because we're not allowed anything new, someone decided to dig up Stephen King's 1975 novel, infect it with some of the existing 1980 adaptation, and turn it into this pale, anemic, soulless version of itself.   It's the story of a small town being taken over by the undead, under the command of a mysterious, wealthy stranger. Vampires don't show up in mirrors, but audiences didn't show up at all....

 Twenty-three years after the initial zombie outbreak, it's "28 Years Later", because these people are film makers not mathematicians, dammit!   A weird, interesting, sort-of-good film with the weirdest ending in recent memory, we take a look at a horror film in which Britain has become a dystopian, isolated, backwards-facing failed state. If you can picture that.   SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can sup...

 With A.I. dominating the news, we watched a film directed by an Oscar-winner, starring a multiple Oscar-nominee and former two time Sexiest Man Alive.   Unfortunately, that multi-Oscar-nominee and former sexy man was Johnny Depp, who was just getting started on the demolition of his own career and personal life. He gives a performance that would have to substantially improve to qualify as "phoned...

 Ice Cube is a surveillance "expert" who spends all his time spying on his kids and glaring irritably at a laptop from an empty office.  Oh, also there's an alien invasion, but it doesn't come up as often as you'd think.  We discuss a film that might be the single best argument for never letting anything enter the public domain ever again...   SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buy...

 Mirror, mirror, on the wall, which is the worst-advised remake of all?  This is a strong contender. The attempt to update "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves" resulted in angry racists, public in-fighting amongst actual dwarves, and two leads who apparently were not of one mind on the Israel/Gaza genocide.   Was the finished film worth all the angst? No. Of course not.   SHOW NOTES:  Hazel Gale's c...

   You've seen a belly flop! You've seen the Fosbury flop! But you'll have seen two precious hours of your life wasted if you see Tim Burton's Disney remake flop from 2019. The story of an elephant with big ears that somehow causes everyone to be an unrelenting dick, we examine one of Disney's many CGI updates that really didn't seem necessary, and discuss the original Dumbo's questionable credent...

 Bill Skarsgard perches on FKA Twigs before getting in a flap about her murder in this pointless, tedious remake of a film that actually wasn't that great in the first place. If some cultures believe that a crow will carry your spirit to the afterlife, and that sometimes, if something bad enough happens, it will bring you back again, this film is bad enough to make everyone involved functionally i...

 Remember the early 2000s? Remember the endless, cookie-cutter rom-coms? Remember when Republican states were seen as charmingly folksy and not the instigators of Fascism and global collapse?  We do, but we're old as shit.  In spite of this, neither of us had ever seen "Sweet Home Alabama," a film that we knew starred Reese Witherspoon and was presumably set in Alabama. With this scant knowledge,...

Director Eli Roth is handed an easy project: adapt a successful video game franchise with a built-in story and pre-established sense of humour. How does he do? Let's not feign suspense. Even non-gamers were aware of what a calamity this became. Join us on the deserted wastelands of the Planet Pandora as we explore the deserted wasteland of ideas that is Borderlands.   SHOW NOTES:  Link to the firs...

As awards season heats up, we look back at what we've enjoyed over the past twelve months. It's still an audio only-show, so you'll just have to believe us that all famous recipients turned up to collect their trophies, they were just too shy to be on the show. Thanks to Elton John for hosting the after-party. SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get B...

 She is woman, hear her bark. And complain.  Mostly the complaining thing, actually.  Amy Adams has a baby and finds herself turning into a dog, in a movie that rapidly goes astray until we're all ready to sit up and beg for a plot. It's pretty ruff. At least, according to this wag.  ...kibble. SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain on yo...

 There's white powder everywhere and Tim Allen is in a lot of trouble! What is this, an airport in the seventies?!  No. It's a seemingly lightweight Christmas movie that neither of us had ever seen, which turns out to be more depressing than watching a reindeer choke on a lump of coal. Download our free Christmas Movie Bingo cards here!  SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us...

 Two hugely popular stars in a festive buddy romp?! How can this be anything less than "alright as something to stick on over Christmas," without ever exceeding that exact level of quality?!  We take a look at 'Red One', a film that's... fine.   Download our free Christmas Movie Bingo cards here!  SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain on...

 As 'Hot Frosty' turned out to be a lot better than it had any right to be, we moved straight on to 'Madame Web.' How bad could it be?  Bad enough that it taints everything even tangentially related to spiders. Ziggy Stardust is a worse album because this film exists. You will no longer want to see things on the web because this film exists. Dakota Johnson is... No, alright, she seems like she was...

Get ready to feel the burn! ...Is absolutely not the tagline for this film. Although it should have been.   Divisive, weird and a clash of social classes, our podcast is all of those things this week as we look at Emerald Fennell's controversial, homoerotic, twisty, semi-satirical, possibly plagiarised film Saltburn.  SHOW NOTES:  Broey Deschanel's video essay 'The Untalented Mr Ripley'   Robot mu...

 An update on where we've been, what we've been watching, and our thoughts on a movie that has been called "horrible" and "the worst movie ever made" by the people who were in it. In a year where Dean Cain released six films, that CAN'T be true...    SHOW US SOME LOVE:  You can support the podcast by Buying us a coffee Buy our book Get Bea's brain on your creative project with Script Doctor Servic...

 Director Jan de Bont, having exhausted all his pacing directing "Speed," delivers a grindingly slow haunted house movie based off someone mostly remembering having once read the back cover of Shirley Jackson's novel. Catherine Zeta Jones looks fantastic, Owen Wilson looks confused, and everyone involved should look embarrassed. **Contains spoilers for The Haunting of Hill House novel**   SHOW NOT...

 If you go down to the woods today, you'd better bring a tripod. Or at least someone who can hold a camera steady. Nobody told the three student film makers who were rumoured to have disappeared in the woods...  Luke and Bea disagree - which might have been a better show title - on the merits of the iconic found footage horror film, rounding out our series on the films of 1999. SHOW NOTES:  A coup...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... people thought this film would actually be good. It wasn't! George Lucas returned to the beloved science fiction saga that made his name and fortune for a prequel that has since become a byword for awful. We slogged through this absolute chore of a space opera, even though we hated it. And if hate leads to the Dark Side, sign us up, because it HAS to be...