The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant

As you think about your life, do you ever wish your story was different? You wish you more of this, less of that, that an event had never happened, that you had done the thing you will always regret not doing.  But what if the story you tell yourself about your life is just as important as the story of what happened to you?  And what if you could change your entire life by consciously changing how...

'Tis the season…for triggers!   At the holidays, stress, drinking, spending money and spending time with others all increase. And with that, comes a decrease in patience, sleep, time for self and all the things that make us more resilient to stress.   Add in the fact that we tend to be around people we aren't normally around for longer periods of time, and it's a landmine for triggers.    But as y...

The holidays are a time where it feels like everything is a bit magnified: there is so much joy and brightness in the world but also space for sadness, loneliness and grief to be amplified.   It's a touchy time of year where whatever we're feeling gets underscored by parties, gatherings and traditions.   But the holidays don't create these feelings. In fact, according to my guest on the podcast to...

What image comes to mind when you think about self-care?   A massage or bubble bath? A fancy dinner? Being all zenned out in lotus pose?   Though these things can be wonderful, I also think they can give self-care a bad name by portraying it as something fun, frivolous and even a little selfish.   In reality, true self-care – or what I like to call "therapeutic self-care" – is absolutely essential...

Have you ever felt stuck in life, like you dislike where you are but think you have no other options?   This is one of my least favorite places to be (and I've been there many times). Being unhappy feels bad enough…but what truly feels terrible is thinking there's no way out.   And when we believe there's no way out, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.    That's because it's not our circumstanc...

We all have a "true self" – the essence of who we were before the world told us who to be.    We're born with this essence, but over time, we start reacting to the world around us and create a false self out of our wounds, our experiences and our attempts to get our needs met.    The false self isn't bad, but it isn't who we really are – and a lot of the challenges we experience in life, like anxi...

Everyone seems to have an opinion about psychedelics these days.   Doctors and therapists see them as potential treatments for things like anxiety, depression and PTSD. Spiritual communities believe they open us up to the divine. Politicians debate whether they should be legal or illegal.    I have to admit that when I first heard people talking about them, I was scared.   I'm not a big fan of sub...

Triggers are a gift.   Yes, you heard that right (and if you've been here for a while, you've heard me say it before) – I LOVE being triggered!    That's not to say it's fun being triggered, but working with triggers has led to some of the most transformational moments of my life.    See, triggers reveal unknown, unconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves – limiting beliefs that cause us pain and...

Do you ever wonder why you do what you do…and if it's just you who does it?   Your gifts, your life's mission, how much energy you have, what you need in relationships, how you view money – these are all unique to you.    And according to Human Design, you are the way you are for a special reason.   Unlike personality typing systems based on mental or behavioral patterns, Human Design is a system...

When we think of trust in a relationship, most of us think of broken trust and big betrayals – things like infidelity, addiction and secrets.   But true trust is about the small actions that we take every day. Trust isn't something we have by default unless it's broken; it's something we have to build.   With every interaction, we're either building or whittling away trust – and sometimes the thin...

For millennia, cultures around the globe have known that there's more to us than meets the eye and that our family trees really are a map to ourselves — an energetic portrait of our lives.   Today, epigenetics has proven that what our ancestors experienced can imprint on our genes and impact our lives today in unexpected ways.    That depression, anxiety, stress or limiting belief? It might be fro...

What if everything you do in your life is actually driven by one question – a question that is unconscious to you but acts as the command center for how you show up in the world?   That question is what Mike Foster calls your "primal question," and let me tell you, when I discovered mine, it was like my whole life made sense.    Mike developed The Seven Primal Questions system based on his researc...

Grief is a messy, complicated emotion, and very few of us know what to do with it.   We don't want to (or know how to) feel it, and when we're around others who are grieving, most of us freeze.   We feel uncomfortable, so we say nothing or say the wrong thing or stay away, all of which just adds to the pain.    That was me in my 20s and 30s. But when I lost my father, I could no longer avoid grief...

You're here today, doing the work, living from your Adult Chair, becoming who you want to become.    It feels really good. But as we live and grow and transform, it can sometimes bring up negative feelings about our past.   Whether we made mistakes, missed opportunities, were hurt by someone or experienced a life-altering loss, every one of us has something about our past we wish we could change....

Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense).    But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in...

Grief, anger, sadness, fear…YUCK! I don't know anyone who likes to feel these emotions.    I get emails from you guys all the time asking how to get rid of "negative" emotions like these.   But are these emotions really negative? Or do they serve a purpose in our lives?   While some emotions might feel more unpleasant than others, I personally don't believe any emotion is negative. All emotions ar...

Our society today is facing an epidemic of anxiety. Despite technology that promises to make our lives faster and easier, it seems that we're more anxious than ever. In 2020, Google searches for "anxiety" reached an all-time high.   We have to look beyond the diagnosis of anxiety and seek to find the root cause of why so many people are living with such high stress and dysregulation that are creat...

Do you ever feel like you're being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you're second fiddle to your partner's parents?   If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).   In today's episode, I'm bringing back one of y...

Rejection is one of the greatest fears we have as humans. Even simple rejections like not making the team or being chosen for a job – things we know aren't personal – still sting deeply. Why does rejection seem to hit at the core of who we are?   Susan Anderson began asking this question when she went through a personal experience of abandonment. The love of her life left her suddenly for another...

In my 25 years of private practice, the #1 issue I worked on with clients was feeling their emotions.  Whether someone was anxious, reactive and raging or numb to the world, the question they were all asking was, "What the heck do I do with these emotions?" I've been there too. And it breaks my heart, because experiencing emotions is one of the gifts of being human.  But the good news is that all...

You landed the dream gig, got the promotion, submitted your book for publishing, had an amazing first date. So, why do you feel so insecure, unsure and even unworthy? Hello, imposter syndrome! Imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fraud, is something that everyone struggles with from time to time — yep, even those super successful people you look up to. It's that feeling that you don't really deser...

Cheers. Salud. Skol.    Wherever you are in the world, it seems like alcohol punctuates every celebration.    But have we stopped to ask if alcohol is really good for us? Or have we paused to get curious about why we drink – and when it moves from genuine enjoyment to unhealthy numbing out?   Recently, I've noticed more people having conversations about sobriety, from giving up drinking entirely t...

There are so many different aspects of being an emotionally healthy adult. We're complex, connected beings, and our bodies, our minds, our emotions, our spiritual lives…they all play a role in how we feel every day. It all matters! One of the areas we don't talk about enough is our hormones. Hormones impact SO many of our bodily and mental functions, and we've been kept in the dark about them for...

You see their name pop up on your phone, and you immediately notice yourself feeling stressed. It's that friend who always seems to be in crisis, who always calls to gossip or vent. We all know that person…many of us ARE that person.  It's called drama addiction, and there's a part in all of us that is drawn towards chaos and stress. Sometimes this shows up in big, dramatic ways, and other times,...

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses topics such as exercise, relationship with food and body image. Though the intent is to promote a conscious and healthy mindset around these topics, please use caution in listening if you have a history of an eating disorder or body image disorder. Summer is here…and with it, thousands of messages about diets, weight loss and fitness.  There is so much press...