The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant

In my 25 years of practicing as a therapist and holistic life coach, I found that there was one common root cause behind many of the issues my clients were facing: low self-worth. From codependency to difficulty with decisions or boundaries, not having a strong connection with the inner self was often the driving force behind these challenges.   Most of us have a tendency to look outside of oursel...

When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action – something we are doing. If we've been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief.    But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of...

Do you find yourself feeling unfulfilled and empty, despite seemingly having everything you need to be happy? Do you crave closer relationships but feel like you can't connect at the deep level you want?   These feelings can often be subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect, which is when our parents or caregivers didn't tend to or validate our emotions as children. This sets us up for an adult...

We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back in life. But what if you've experienced significant trauma as well? How do you distinguish between a trauma response and limiting or negative thinking? How do you find the power to heal when things have happened that were out of your control?   My guest today, Michael Unbroken, has an intense and powerful story of overcoming unspeakable trauma, growin...

Staying in our Adult Chair and setting boundaries can be especially difficult at the holidays. Pressure to attend events or spend money, uncomfortable conversations, holiday traditions and gatherings of family and friends that might not normally get together can create plenty of scenarios that test our boundaries (not to mention the  "shoulds" and guilt the holidays can bring!).   It doesn't surpr...

The holidays are a time where it feels like everything is a bit magnified: there is so much joy and brightness in the world but also space for sadness, loneliness and grief to be amplified.   It's a touchy time of year where whatever we're feeling gets underscored by parties, gatherings and traditions.   But the holidays don't create these feelings. In fact, according to my guest on the podcast to...

You know the feeling when your nervous system kicks into overdrive. Maybe you freeze in place or your heart starts racing, your body pumping with adrenaline. This automatic response often feels like it overtakes us. But what if you could control and balance your nervous system instead of it controlling you?    In today's show, I'm interviewing the incredible Deb Dana, one of the leading experts on...

They always say parenting is the hardest job in the world. And while caring for little beings and chauffeuring them all around town can certainly be busy and overwhelming at times, the day-to-day tasks of parenting were not what I found most challenging.   Instead, it was what my kids revealed about me that was so hard! The way they knew exactly how to push my buttons and trigger me, the fears and...

No one likes the feeling of getting triggered. But I fully believe that triggers are a GIFT (yes, I said it!).   Getting triggered is different from the pure emotion of anger or hurt at a situation. I'm talking about those quick, intense negative emotions that seem to rise up out of nowhere and might seem bigger than the situation you're in.    While triggers often feel like they're about someone...

Doodling in a notebook, writing in a diary...what if I told you that those schoolkid activities were actually really powerful for your brain?   When we put pen to paper and let our hand go, we are able to access our subconscious mind in a truly incredible way. Journaling also connects us to our inner child and pulls in the energy of our Adult, bringing clarity to our lives and helping us connect t...

Starting a journey of healing or following a spiritual path in life can be one of the best things to ever happen to us. It totally transforms how we feel each day and gives us a sense of clarity and purpose in life. Unfortunately, it can also change our relationships – and not always in the way we want. I get messages all the time from listeners who have started working with The Adult Chair ® or g...

You guys...do I have a special episode for you this week or what. I was out in Portland visiting my son, Blake, when we had the most beautiful moment of authentic communication between us. With Blake's permission, I flipped on my microphone, and we're bringing you the first ever podcast with one of my kids on it!  Blake is only 21, but I'm blown away by his wisdom and the healthy adult he is becom...

Do you ever feel like you're being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you're second fiddle to your partner's parents? If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).  In today's episode, I'm bringing back one of your...

As humans, we are all wired for connection and to feel like we belong. No one, even the biggest introvert on the planet, doesn't want to feel connected with others.    But many of us find there is a gap between the connection we crave and the way we experience our relationships. We might have a loving marriage, a thousand Facebook friends, and a busy social calendar but something still feels empty...

When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action – something we are doing. If we've been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief.    But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of...

Comparison is one of the ego's favorite traps. When we fall into this trap, we make up all kinds of stories about others and turn a judgmental eye towards ourselves. With this comes feelings of inferiority, feeling less than and low self-worth. It's no fun at all!   Inferiority feels so awful that most of us just want to run from it, silence it or numb it out...but this never works! Shoving our ne...

The Adult Chair ® model is based on different stages of life and development, with our Adult Chair coming online around age 25 when the brain fully develops.   So, what does that mean for raising healthy kids? Is it possible as a parent to teach your kids the Adult Chair while they're still literally in their Child or Adolescent phase of life?   YES!!!   No matter what age your child is, you can s...

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing.   Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narciss...

"Be a man." It's a loaded phrase that our culture uses to tell men to be tough, not show their feelings and just keep pressing on.   But is this true masculinity? Is there a better way to be a man?   My guest today, Traver Boehm, is on a mission to redefine masculinity, bringing together what he calls "primal savagery" and a connection to the heart that is spiritual, emotional and whole. He believ...

When Niraj Naik started his job as a pharmacist, he immediately knew it was not for him. But family and cultural expectations led him to believe that it was the path he had to take in life...until it all fell apart seven years later.   Career stress and disillusionment led Niraj to develop an autoimmune condition, and nothing in his medicine cabinet helped. After trying all types of traditional me...

I think it's universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard!    A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process!    Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments an...

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist's office, the world is slowly changing (and I'm SO glad it is!). Don't get me wrong...I'm not anti-therapy (I'm a therapist myself), but I think it's only part of the equation. I believe we need more.   I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind an...

We've talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven't dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we're diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who br...

As you know, codependency is one of my "things." Fortunately, it's less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it's like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That's part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I'm passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply!...

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? "Enmeshment" is a term that's been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn't even know this about thems...