That's Absurd Please Elaborate

Fun fact: the dinosaur in Jurassic Park that spit acid on Nedry doesn’t exist! I mean, Dilophosaurus does, but it was probably a scavenger, not an evil piñata dinosaur. As long as we’re on the subject though, what if humans could shoot acid? What would that look like? And, as long as we’re talking about disemboweling humans … how many of their own internal organs does a person need to keep? How ma...

Happy Halloween, absurd friends! This time around Julian comes out of his shell to calculate the speed of a Kaiju snail (so much mucus 🤢). Meanwhile, Trace pulls out all the molars—uh, pulls out all the stops on his Fae business plan for TOUTHS Incorporated, The Uber for children’s teeth, and asks: Would That Solve Anything™?! QUESTIONS Trace: "What does the tooth fairy do with all the teeth" fro...

It's spoOOooOoky season! This week we're scaring you with a giant pasta topping! 👻 Not scared? What if I told you it's a meatball made of EVERY HUMAN? Oh, did I forget to mention that crucial detail? What's more terrifying than a GIANT MEATBALL OF ALL HUMANS?! MWAHAHAHA! (Just imagine the ODOR.) Would something that massive have its own gravity? What would it be like? Julian frightens himself sil...

In this wild episode, Julian infects your brain with the realization that plants can be VERY murdery, and Trace is driven NUTS looking for an elusive immortal animal. QUESTIONS Julian: "Why aren’t there plant-based diseases that affect animals?" from Isaiah Trace: "What food could you feed a squirrel to make it immortal?" from Trevor Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a...

This episode Trace tries to find the secret to happiness and special guest host Dr Rohin Francis swaps out blood for something with a tangy, fruity kick. Oh yeah! Oh no! QUESTIONS Trace: "Must we know a negative thing to understand the positive?" from Buena Rohin: "Could you replace all your blood with kool-aid?" from Allyson Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower...

We haven’t seen this many fireworks since the Rockefeller Center did that spectacularly wild “Salute to Fireworks” back in 2007. This time around, guest-host Ceri Riley ponders what if fireworks were a normal part of the weather? And Trace ponders the spirits of the great beyond. He tries so, so hard not to bring up his time in the Victorian Era. Spoiler: He fails, almost as spectacularly as those...

This is the episode you're looking for. This week Trace gets creative with an answer about unponderable ponderances, and Julian goes pew pew a lot with a poll-winning quesiton about Picard’s favorite weapon! We have a NEW HOPE that you’ll enjoy episode 52! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would a Star Wars blaster and/or ray gun be like if it could exist?" from poll winner, Nic Trace: "Where does creativit...

Get your moisture sensors ready. In this episode Dr Alex Dainis slides into the scientific journals all about lubrication to understand the slip-factor of classic yellow bananas. Meanwhile, Julian argues with an actual, college educated PhD scientist about the wetness of molten lava. Is Julian actually… correct?! QUESTIONS Julian: "Is lava wet" from Marlene Alex Dainis: "What food would be a bette...

You’re at a hockey game. You grabbed nachos and your favorite sports beverage. The Mighty Ducks are playing their rivals, and you look away from the ice to take a selfie with a selfie stick so long you have to brace it against your hip to snap the pic. You’re smiling with your crew, when a flash of white light envelops the stadium as the air catches fire. The noise is deafening. When you whip arou...

A rogue viking pirate planet hurtles through space looking for plunder and booty. The human race has become a destitute vampiric race obsessed with ancient sea shanties and frequent meteor showers. A whale in the North Atlantic hears a distant whale song from an individual it doesn’t recognize. It’s repeating a warning to stay away from a large metal ship moving through the area. Are these possibl...

Description 🎶 Game of Thrones theme 🎶 DRA-GONS. WHAT ARE DRAG-ONS? LET US KNOWWWWWW OR MER-MAIDS. FRICKIN’ MER-MAIDS… HOW THEY GOOOOO? PLUS JUUUU-LIAN WANTS TO CHECK ON MIRROR TRAAAACE HE THINKS, THIS MIRROR TRACE MIGHT BE EVIL TRAAAAAACE! 👏👏👏👏👏👏 Today in Pod 48 Ellen Weatherford from “Just The Zoo of Us” (family friendly) and “Spellbound and Gagged” (NSFW) joins us to talk out about...

Welcome to episode 48. Are you allergic to cats? When you visit friends does their cat seem to know (somehow) and roll up on you even though you’re ignoring it?! “WTF CAT. YOU’RE LITERALLY MURDERING ME,” you think intensely while sipping your white wine. “Wait, does the cat… KnOW?!” Trace pours himself a glass of that crisp white, and digs into the science. Meanwhile, Julian crushes the game and l...

For this episode Julian and Trace tackled the very uplifting and shiny topics of tornados and nuclear waste. No worries y’all! Everything here is so great! We’re not trying to lift giant building with natural disasters! No way! We’re not attempting to create a wild atomic disaster by throwing waste into an active volcano! HAHA Who would do that?! Cringe, right? QUESTIONS Julian: "How many tornados...

In episode 45 Julian deconstructs the human experience without our boney scaffold, Trace calculates the detriment (or delight?) of doubling the derriere, and our guest Ben Bowlin (from iHeart Radio’s Ridiculous History, Stuff they Don’t Want You to Know) sings the praises of the American accent. QUESTIONS Julian: "What if humans no bones?" from Fabie Ben: "Why do we have accents?" from Cori Trace:...

Trace returns to find out if humans could take the green stuff from plants and make enough energy to live. meanwhile, Julian tries to understand if a wild idea would solve anything… Anything at all? QUESTIONS Julian: “What if you filled the grand canyon with ocean water? Would that solve anything?” from Roman Trace combines two questions: “What if humans performs photosynthesis?” from Danielle, wi...

This week astrophysicist Dr Nora Bailey joins Julian roll a set of huge, spherical dice on the future of irradiated bunnies in mech suits. Yes this is a real question. Does this sound like an episode of that Morty show to you? Me too. QUESTIONS Julian: "What is the maximum number faces you can fit on a die before it becomes a sphere?" from Aaron Nora: "How much radiation would it take to kill a bu...

This week’s guest host *hic* Sophie Shrand *hic* explores the silly spasm of *hic* hiccuping. Meanwhile, Julian attempts to understand why evolution didn’t re-invent the wheel. QUESTIONS Sophie: "Do animals other than humans hiccup?" from Hillary Julian: "Why don't we seem to see any animals that have evolved wheels?" from Jade Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a showe...

In this episode, it's a battle of (nit)wits! Trace discovers the deadly truth about poison immunity while Julian figures out how to make the worst numbering system imaginable. Questions Julian: "Can you still do maths using a unary (base 1) numeral system?" from Mason Trace: "How long would it have taken Westley to build up his immunity to iocaine powder?" from Tessa Do you have an absurd question...

When Trace was a kid he was a sleepwalker. His parents closed the door to his bedroom. They heard him bonking against the door over and over. They love to tell this story. Now I'm telling you! Sleepwalking is weird, right? Are we the only ones who do that? Julian looks into it. Plus, as long as we’re wondering things … have you ever wondered if you could fling an animal into space? Like a marmot o...

This episode Trace travels to the magical land of Oz. It’s disgusting. Meanwhile Julian is going to meet him there as soon as he can fill his head with 7 cement trucks' worth of gas.  **QUESTIONS** Julian: "If you were to blow up a person like a balloon, how big would we need to get before we can fly under our own power?" from Isaiah Trace: "How unclean was the wicked witch of the west?" from...

Science agrees: black holes are really cool. TAPE listener Robert, on the other hand, disagrees with science, and thinks their slightly-less-dense-but-still-absurdly-dense cousins known as Neutron Stars are cooler. He’s decided to pet one. Julian explores the smorgasbord of ways he would probably die horribly if he tried. Meanwhile Trace geeks out about Stargate, in an effort to dial-in how accura...

This week Trace’s quest for answers takes him to a magical fantasy land of wizards, frozen keys, and bodily fluids. Meanwhile Julian discovers that there are about 3 degrees of separation between chickpeas and dynamite. Yes, really. QUESTIONS Julian: "Could you make an explosive out of chick peas?" from Jesse Trace: "Can you pee on an object that is so cold that the act of peeing on it can make yo...

Imagine there’s no war. Would we have cell phones? GPS? Shovels?! Would we still be able to pop open a tube of delicious mini-M&Ms? Will a future historian believe the Green M&M was some kind of Goddess of Love? (Yes). This is a wild ride of an episode featuring TAPE friend Joe Scott of the YouTube show Answers with Joe! Double doses of history PLUS the psychology of food? Chew on that! QU...

Have you ever felt someone’s gaze on you? This episode Julian explores why we seem to sense when eyes are on us. Meanwhile Trace gets lost in a fog so thick he has to drink his way out. QUESTIONS Julian: "How much does regard weigh?" from Sabrina Trace: "Can you drink fog?" from Grace Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a...

You are showering too often. Helicopters are insane. Soap is ancient magic chemistry. This time around, Trace tells everyone all about cleanliness while attempting to dodge the wellness and clean eating industry zealots. Then, Julian geeks out on the wild engineering of helicopters AND debunks a related meme about jets going to the gym. QUESTIONS Trace: "How clean is too clean?" from NeatNit Julia...