That's Absurd Please Elaborate

Anyone who’s ever had to educate a talking donkey would know, onions have layers (just like ogres). But, just like in the story with the giant, green, scottish (?) ogre — it’s important to remember the lessons behind the fables! Like the tortoise and the hare, which reminds us that even if the tortoise doesn’t win the race, it’ll outlive a rabbit by several decades. Take that RABBIT. QUESTIONS Jul...

This week Julian takes a pleasant trip down to his local Egyptian library and tries to save it from burning to the ground and dramatically altering the course of history. And returning guest host Ralph Crewe explores the solar system in the most macabre way possible! QUESTIONS Julian: "If the library of Alexandria was never destroyed, how technologically advanced would we actually be today?" from...

It’s our first episode of the new year! Welcome to 2026! In this, wild episode Trace (recording from his parent’s sun room) explores the chemistry and power of the lasagna battery. Then, Julian flies off the handle about helicopters as a gift for himself for his birthday (Happy Birthday, Julian! 🎂) QUESTIONS Julian: "Can a helicopter fly upside down? AND could it land SAFELY upside down on it's r...

Like Boromir said, "It is a gift! Let us use it against them!" The internet has been taken over by #lofi girls, so we commissioned an artist to turn Julian and Trace into our own #lofigirl for the holidays! (Is it a lofi girl? are we lofi guys? We're honestly not sure. Either way, we did it!!) We love you all! Thanks for making 2025 such an amazing year (for our little community) even though it wa...

Support your giving goals this holiday season! Go to GiveDirectly.org/Absurd and get a 100% match by Giving Multiplier! (Don't dilly-dally this match is only until the end of the year!) This episode aired around Easter, prompting us to ask: where does that weird Bunny get all the eggs? And why are there eggs in the first place? Guest Yasmin Khan (The Young Turks) has an answer. Meanwhile, Julian e...

If your life had a soundtrack what would it be? Up-tempo action music? Epic orchestral swells? Romantic… xylophones? Are xylophones romantic? We don’t know, we’re podcasters, not EGOT-winning music producers of screen and stage. Maybe it’s a good thing you can’t hear what’s in our heads… aside from on this show where we say everything in our heads, obviously. In this episode Trace explores what it...

We did another live show!! I’m not sure how we convinced the Bay Area Science Festival that we are a legitimate podcast, but, hey, people actually showed up to watch the show in-person in San Francisco. We had an extremely tight window, and are famously (infamously?) long-winded, so in this episode special guest Dr Wallace Marshall ponders the nightmare of giant tardigrades, and Trace looks into t...

Happy American Turkey Consumption Day! 🦃 In honor of the national holiday we've let Kyle out of his editing dungeon and let him celebrate with his family. We're doing the same, and we hope those of you who are celebrating have a beautiful holiday. We're thankful for YOU, not just saying that, we put time and effort into this ridiculous show, and y'all keep showing up week after week. That means s...

If we say: Making whoopee. Polishing the broomstick. The pickle tickle. Shagging. Enjoying Taco Tuesday. Parking the beef bus in Tuna Town. Waxing the carrot. Boinking. Glazing donuts. Going downtown. … I think you get what we mean (right?) This week, special guest Danielle probes the terrible scenario where ‘Doing Taxes’ was more like actually filing financial paperwork than going for a roll in t...

You know what's passé? Chemical rockets. Powering a space ship by harnessing the expanding gasses of a controlled explosion and shooting off to parts unknown guided only by fire, math, and spite for the force of gravity? Yawn. What if instead you got like, 40 cyclists with thighs as big as tree trunks that just won't quit, stuck them on some stationary bikes, and used them to power your spaceship...

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over my quaint and curious human egg, forgotten I should stretch my leg— While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door “Though thy egg be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from a non-avian shore— Tell m...

In this special HALLOWEEN EPISODE ⚡️ Julian and Trace wear out Kyle’s lightning button ⚡️ and answer some SpoOOoOooOOOoky questions about ⚡️ dangerous animals ⚡️ vampires and in true Millennial fashion…⚡️ ⚡️ ⚡️ alcohol ⚡️ QUESTIONS Julian: "If a vampire bit and fed off of a very drunk person, would the vampire then get drunk from the persons contaminated blood? If so, would this also work...

When can we all admit that we’re all scrolling instagram while sitting on the toilet? When will we admit that foods with more surface area are just darn tastier? And when will we admit that … well we’re still on the toilet because of constipation. Julian and Trace will cover all of this in this week’s episode. Except the instagram thing, that’s still a mystery to science because no one will admit...

Locusts, Squirrels, and Birds OH MY! In this wild episode of the show, Julian drones on like the queen he is all about airplanes and bees. Then, Trace finds some fuzzy commandos to gnaw at infrastructure of New Jersey. Squirrel away this knowledge for a rainy day — as long as the locusts don’t attack your airplane. QUESTIONS Julian: "How many bees would it take to Sully a plane?" from Zoe -- Wiki...

Dearest Listeners, We write from our recording studio's trenches. The air is thick and oppressive. The relentless heat tests our resolve. Our studios, once creative havens, now resemble the crannies of camels. The temperature rises each hour, and so do tempers. We are tired–Listeners—bone-tired, the kind that settles deep into one's soul. Yet we press forward, driven by our duty to document the ab...

WE DID IT. WE MADE 100 PODCAST EPISODES WITHOUT MISSING AN UPLOAD (almost). To celebrate Trace and Julian decided to do it big. How big? TEN WHOLE QUESTIONS BIG. SO BIG THEY HAD TO ASK THEIR FRIEND SOPHIE SHRAND TO HELP THEM OUT BIG. BIG ENOUGH TO.... BE... LIKE... REALLY LONG... BIG. You get the idea. We pulled out all the stops for this absolute marathon of an episode because we owed it to you a...

Tired of having to do all your evil deeds yourself? Well with this one simple organism and some ethically dubious genetic engineering you too could have your very own army of immortal minions! (Intelligence and number of eyes may vary). Julian explores what you might need to make these little favorites of moms everywhere. Then Trace explores a pool of saliva.... Just going to leave it at that. QUE...

Want to make a nanoscale image of the Mona Lisa? Listener Kodiak does. All they have to do is learn a bit of quantum mechanics, some thermochemical nanolithography, and then tap the genius of ancient superbrain Leonardo da Vinci! EASY!! Scientists did it!! Even though you can't see it without a powerful microscope trust us that she is smirking even harder than usual. While Trace is poking around l...

The hip bone connected to the basalt rock The femur bone connected to the lunar maria The foot bone connected to the gravitational equilibrium of the celestial bodies! That’s the story of the bones… and… this episode? QUESTIONS Trace: "How easy would it be to break your bones if humans can fly?" from Anonymous Julian: "How big would the moon have to be to make you weightless?" from Sun Do you have...

his week, Julian prunes the universe down to size: bonsai animals, bonsai humans, bonsai...uhm...did he just say bonsai HUMANS? Meanwhile, Trace tunes into the world of telepathy, where mind-reading might sound less like superpowers and more like trying to pick up a radio station with a bent coat hanger. QUESTIONS Julian: "Can you bonsai any living things other than trees or shrubs?" from Ard Trac...

This week, we and guest Lieven Scheire all ruminate about a new job: Fart Safety Officer. Meanwhile, Trace get’s SALTY thinking about what if the oceans weren’t and Julian calculates the pure pasty reflectiveness of the Britons. QUESTIONS Trace: "If we removed all salt from the oceans, would that solve anything about rising water levels?" from Rob Lieven Scheire: "Could a fart be ruminated to the...

Julian rolls into yet another extremely nerdy community and fires rounds left and right. Meanwhile, Trace calls his mom to help answer a question from a kid. As long as we're not on the subject though, what do tree trunks and military tanks have in common? They’re both flammable. QUESTIONS Julian: "Who would win: Dragons vs WW2 tanks” - Tim Trace: “Why are trees Green and Brown why not purple or s...

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo, Julian’s got a blueberry question for you… Oompa Loompa, do-ba-da-dee, it you are wise you'll listen to … this podcast?? What do you get from a hose to space? “Is it a straw or a siphon,” asked Trace? Blaming us for these silly quest-ions You know exactly what… else happ-pens! We dig deep and will answer them! Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da, If you like this pod then you wi...

In this episode, Trace investigates whether your furry companion is cuddling you... or forging a trauma bond in exchange for treats. Meanwhile, in a shocking twist of anatomy, Julian answers what would happen if your muscles worked in reverse . Flexing? Cancelled. Walking? Complicated. Cuddling your trauma-bonded cat? Still mandatory. QUESTIONS Julian: "What if muscles worked in the opposite direc...

In this rebroadcasted episode, Trace resets the solar system to observe what life would be like on a 2/3rds-sized "Wee Earth." Julian, meanwhile, uses particle physics to finally distinguish between his left and right hands. QUESTIONS Julian: "If I had some magic communicator to speak to someone in another galaxy, could I explain what "left" and "right" were?" from Anonymous Trace: "How would have...