Tentpole Trauma

The stardom of both Henry Cavill and cannibal fetishist Armie Hammer was on the rise in 2015, making it the perfect time to team them up in a buddy spy movie directed by Guy Ritchie. But despite a solid effort, a groovy 60’s period setting and the always beguiling Alicia Vikander, this re-imaging of the cult TV show cried uncle at the box office. Join special agents Sebastian and Matt as they crac...

Val Kilmer was riding high as a leading man in 1997, so it made sense that he’d try his hand at establishing his own globetrotting espionage role. Sadly the resulting reimagining of the 60s British TV sensation The Saint turned out more Boring Identity than Bond, torpedoing a potential franchise and setting Kilmer’s career into a funk from which it never fully recovered. Join Sebastian and Matt as...

The Scream franchise may have been dormant for over ten years, but hopes were still high for Wes Craven and company’s 2011 remake-era reboot, Scream 4. But despite returning stars Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette, as well as a promising new cast, the film failed to scare up significant returns at the box office. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and Rodney as they go over the rules and are m...

Based on the beloved Nintendo side scroller, the 1993 live action Super Mario Bros. movie was poised to prove the viability of video games making the jump to the big screen. Sadly, despite boasting the talents of Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Samantha Mathis and Dennis Hopper, as well as big budget special effects, the film laid a dinosaur-sized egg at the box office and left audiences baffled by w...

An adaptation of TSR’s seminal role playing was long in the cards, or the 20 sided dice as it were, but it wasn’t until the year 2000 that the first big screen effort was launched. Unfortunately Courtney Solomon’s Dungeons and Dragons was a catastrophic misfire marred by hammy performances, poor scripting and monstrously bad CGI, bombing hard at the box office and placing a wizard’s curse on the f...

The television phenomenon of Twin Peaks had cooled by 1992, but that didn’t stop creator and arthouse darling David Lynch from directing a theatrical prequel, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. The reaction was less than enthusiastic; critics couldn’t make sense of Lynch’s unconventional narrative, and fans of the show were upset by the lack of characters and humor they had come to expect. And yet, de...

Fair is fair! Teenage rebellion and MTV were all the rage in the 80s, so it was only natural that a film would come along to capitalize on both trends and become a box office sensation. Sadly, Matthew Robbins’ The Legend of Billie Jean, starring hot young newcomers Helen and Christian Slater, was not that film. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they stand up and face the enemy to discuss this legenda...

With a director at the height of his game and a star at the early peak of his fame, Blow Out, directed by Brian De Palma and starring John Travolta, was poised to be one of the big hits of 1981. But despite being a rock solid re-imagining of Michelangelo Antonioni’s Blow Up and a nail-biting thriller in its own right, the film blew a flat tire at the box office. Join Sebastian and Jennifer as they...

The 90s saw a resurgence in the western genre, though none of the many offerings outside of Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven were major hits. Unfortunately that held true for Mario Van Peebles’ Posse, which distinguished itself by featuring a mostly black cast and was the star/director’s follow up to his enormously successful New Jack City. Join Sebastian, Jennifer and VQ as they celebrate black repres...

Not to be confused with the 90s death cult of the same name, Michael Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate, was, for a time, synonymous with the words “box office bomb”. Credited with ending the auteur driven studio system of the 70s, the Oscar winning director’s epic western was an exercise in excess, from the wildly bloated budget, to the interminable running time, to the star-studded but underutilized cast. J...

A favorite among the board gaming set, Parker Brother’s Clue, with its parlor mystery whodunnit premise, seemed a natural fit for a big screen adaptation. But despite being armed with an all-star cast of top shelf comedic talent, the film failed to generate intrigue from audiences and critics, resulting in a box office flop. Join Sebastian and EnCLUEthesiast Jennifer as they piece together the mys...

Stephen King's The Dark Tower fantasy series has been a long-gestating white whale project in Hollywood, passing through countless development hands and having many promising false starts. Hopes were high when a feature film finally came to fruition in 2017 starring Idris Elba as the heroic Gunslinger and Matthew McConaughey as his Man in Black nemesis, only to be dashed when the film arrived...

Madman director Paul Verhoeven was riding high off of several blockbuster successes when he re-teamed with Basic Instinct writer and fellow madman Joe Ezterhaus for a film about the sordid lives of Las Vegas showgirls. Their resulting collaboration, 1995’s Showgirls, was met with resounding box office failure and critical derision, tanking the career of its unlikely lead, Saved By the Bell’s Eliza...

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe may have been past their prime by 1987, but that didn’t stop shlockmeisters Golan and Globus from capitalizing on the popular toy and cartoon property by attempting a big budget film adaptation. Despite casting a near-perfect He-Man in Dolph Lundgren and boasting up and comer Courteney Cox, as well as a delightfully hammy Frank Langella in the role of the vil...

Spirits were high for A list screenwriter David Koepp’s sophomore directorial outing, an adaptation of the Richard Matheson short story A Stir of Echoes. But despite the presence of leading man Kevin Bacon, the film’s release was six degrees too close to another mega hit ghost story with a similar premise, burying Koepp’s otherwise solid effort in an early box office grave. Join Sebastian and Jenn...

Following the high profile failure of Lady In the Water, famed director M. Night Shyamalan ignored the naysayers and doubled down on absurd high concepts with 2008’s The Happening. The results were resoundingly mocked by fans and critics alike, dragging down the director’s already sinking reputation, as well as the careers of leads Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel. Join Sebastian and Jennifer for...

It’s a post Christmas miracle from Pandora — Tentpole Trauma sees you, and you’ve been very nice this year, so as a gift we give you this month’s Tentpole Triumph discussion of Avatar as a bonus episode! Join Sebastian, Chris and Rodney as they finally hash it out over the #1 box office champ of all time, director James Cameron and what they anticipate from the long awaited sequel Avatar: The Way...

Many expected that James Cameron’s long promised adaptation of the famed manga Battle Angel Alita would never materialize, but when the megastar director conceded the reigns to Robert Rodriguez, the project was at last brought to life. Sadly, the uncanny valley effect of the film’s bug-eyed CG protagonist did not entice large audiences, and while well regarded by fans of the manga, the response wa...

How do you follow up the wildly successful original Star Wars trilogy? If you’re George Lucas, you get your buddy Ron Howard to direct a Lord of the Rings riff starring Val Kilmer and the actor who played the lead Ewok in Return of the Jedi! The resulting film, 1988’s curiously titled Willow, did not conjure magic at the box office, but has engendered enough fan good will to spawn a current Disney...

Director John Boorman was riding high off the success of Deliverance in 1974, but when he couldn’t get his adaptation of Lord of the Rings off of the ground, he opted instead for a mind-bending journey into sci fi with his bizarre vision of the future, Zardoz. 20th Century Fox hoped they had another 2001: A Space Odyssey or Planet of the Apes on their hands, but despite the presence of Sean Conner...

The Blade franchise was rolling full force when the third entry, helmed by writer David S. Goyer, hit theaters in 2004. Rumors of star Wesley Snipes’ unhappiness with the franchise’s new direction — namely adding hot young stars Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel to the cast as usurping vampire hunters — plagued the production, and the resulting film flopped with fans and staked out diminished box off...

Hopes were high for celebrated Canadian auteur David Cronenberg’s return to the body horror genre he all but originated, and the trailers for his 2022 film Crimes of the Future promised serious sci fi weirdness. But despite a strong showing on the festival circuit, the film disappointed many fans and didn’t make the cut at the box office. Join Sebastian and Cronenberg superfan Troy as they dissect...

With the failure of Atlantis: The Lost Empire, blood was already in the water for Disney’s next animated outing, a sci fi update of Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic Treasure Island. Sadly, when Treasure Planet finally landed in 2002, despite its impressive visuals and a talented cast of voice actors, it sunk like a pirate’s chest at the box office. Join Sebastian and Richard as they sail the stars...

Seemingly doomed from the start, the sixth installment of the famed Halloween series, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, shaped up to be a rotten pumpkin for fans when it hit theaters in 1995. Helmed by Joe Chapelle and written by super fan Daniel Farrands, the film added a ludicrous backstory for the iconic slasher, suffered the real life death of mainstay Donald Pleasence, and featured a baf...

One of the most disturbing and distinctive horror franchises of the 80s, Clive Barker’s Hellraiser series, with its iconic figurehead Pinhead, was poised to torment moviegoers well into the 90s and beyond. Unfortunately the fourth film in the series, attributed to fictional director Alan Smithee, took the chain wielding Cenobites into space and ultimately into the dustbins of straight-to-video hel...