Survivor Sanctuary

What's in a name? And more specifically, what's in a name we give ourselves (or earn from others) in the aftermath of trauma? In this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, I share an embarrassing "name" I earned as a child struggling to survive the shame of abuse. A source of embarrassment for the majority of my life, I was able to relearn the definition of my name so that I am now able to wear it as a b...

On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, I have the privilege of speaking with Sandy Phillips Kirkham, a survivor of clergy sexual abuse who has written a book about her experience. Sandy's story is heartbreaking, yet hopeful, and she now uses her powerful voice to speak out on behalf of the abused.   Sandy's Book: Let Me Prey Upon You Sandy's Website: sandyphillipskirkham.com

On today’s episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we finish chatting with our awesome Aussie friend, Erik Pederson. In addition to suffering abuse as a child and young adult, Erik experienced spiritual abuse by leadership of a church, who sickeningly used his past abuse against him in order to drive him away from the congregation. Churches don't like messy, but that's what we all are, and Erik is using hi...

Erik Pederson is our guest on today’s episode of Survivor Sanctuary, so fasten your seatbelts! Erik is an Awesome Aussie who podcasts Down Under, and speaks out against sexual abuse on the regular. He’s also hands down the most entertaining fella in the Survivor Sanctuary Facebook group! Erik’s life has been riddled throughout by trauma, including the trauma of sexual abuse. He's endured more than...

On today’s episode, we have a very special guest: my cousin, Joshua Yoder! Joshua is a minister with a podcast all about the Bible, and on this episode he helps us unravel the truth behind one of the scriptures that gets blasted at sexual abuse survivors by well-meaning (but clueless) Christians. Does “forgetting those things that are behind” mean we shouldn’t ever think about or face our past? An...

Many of us have been told our whole lives that it is best to leave the past in the past—but what if truly healing from our past requires us to engage it rather than escape it? Today’s episode is for anyone, abuse victim or otherwise, who has experienced wounds in the past that are affecting them in the present. Healing is possible; unfortunately, there are no detours through the pain of the past.

On today's episode, I have the privilege of sharing the story of one of our Survivor Sanctuary listeners. Rachel began to be sexually abused within the walls of her church as a very vulnerable young woman, and her repeated cries for help fell on deaf, calloused ears. Though she asked for help, Rachel continued to endure abuse at the hands of a monster while the people she disclosed the assault to...

You know how people say your college years are the best of your life? Yeah, those people didn't go to college where I did.   A recent podcast featuring Title IX expert Laura Dunn had me all kinds of triggered this past week, and what better place to unpack all that trauma than on today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary?! In this episode I'll share why college was *the* darkest time of my life,...

On today’s episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we’re chatting about loss, legacy, and what it takes to be a hero in the life of a survivor of sexual abuse.  Links: Don Blackwell on Twitter

When it comes to feelings of guilt, sexual abuse is the gift that keeps on giving. Just when you think you’ve made progress in letting go of the deep rooted self-blame, a fun *new* guilt emerges. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, Kelly chats about Survivor Guilt--a really crummy side effect of disclosing your abuse and outing your abuser. So what exactly is Survivor Guilt? And what in the wor...

On today’s episode we’re chatting with Nicole Saylor, a whistle-blower in the church and an advocate for the sexually abused. Nicole did not experience sexual abuse herself, and she didn’t seek out an opportunity to blow the whistle on abuse. When the time came, though, Nicole rose to the occasion and fought hard in order to protect children from an abusive pastor. We need more Nicoles in the worl...

It’s a brand new year, and as the rest of the world resolves to eat more kale and do more crossfit, New Years goals may look a little different for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Today I’m sharing three of my #survivolutions for hope and healing in 2020.

Holidays can be rough. For survivors of abuse, they can be brutal. In this episode, find out what each survivor can gift themselves this Christmas to get through the holiday in peace. 

I won't sugar coat this: I am a wreck right now. In fact, I'm more of a wreck than I can remember ever being (and there's been plenty of wreckage, I assure you). In my grieving, I am once again facing the number one reason I despise sexual abuse, and the slimy guts of child predators, with all my heart. This isn't gonna be pretty.

Over the last several years, 15 states have changed laws to extend the statute of limitations on the filing of sexual abuse lawsuits. Eight of those states have implemented “look-back windows” for survivors who were time-barred by the meager statutes of limitations before the laws changed. How do these new laws, and look-back windows in particular, affect survivors? How do they affect churches? We...

Isn’t it enough that an abuser has repented? Is it *truly* necessary to publicly name perpetrators? The answer really depends on who you ask. But if you ask a survivor of sexual abuse, most of us understand the importance of calling out abuse and abusers by name. Find out why survivors are driven by our duty to warn, and why it is so important to name abusers.

Can we take at face value the word of a person who has sexually abused a child? What if he/she claims to be sorry? What if he/she cries? On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary we'll chat about the Church's True Repentance Lie Detector Test, why it is an epic failure, and better ways to determine the genuineness of repentance. 

On today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we'll hear the second half of my interview with survivor and advocate Katie Trout who shares more of her story of experiencing abuse at the hands of a megachurch staff member. Found out how Katie is now advocating on behalf of the abused, and helping change the laws that too many churches hide behind.  Resources: Katie Trout on Twitter Survivor Sanctu...

On today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, I'm chatting with survivor and advocate Katie Trout who shares her story of experiencing abuse at the hands of a megachurch staff member. When Katie bravely came forward about the abuse, her lifelong home church had an opportunity to love and support her through her recovery as the hands and feet of Jesus. Did they seize that opportunity? Find out in part...

What is it about sexual abuse allegations that makes the Church respond so much differently than they do to other crises and tragedies? Matthew 6:24 probably holds the most accurate answer, and in this episode, Kelly unpacks some thoughts regarding the Church's struggle to serve both God and insurance policies.  Episode Resources : The Courage Conference Thomas Edward

On today's podcast I'm sharing a personal experience with a church that dealt publicly with two local crime news stories involving members of their church--one as I was coming into the church, and one when I was walking out. How the church handled the first crime and its victims reflected Jesus to me. It made me want to be a part of a church that would go out of their way to help broken kids, allo...

Episode 10 of the podcast is inspired by a discussion on the Survivor Sanctuary Facebook Group (you should def join)! Why do so many survivors blame themselves for their abuse? And why is it so hard to combat the self-blame that seems determined to hang on? "It was your fault" is one of the biggest lies abuse whispers in our ears regularly, and in this episode Kelly tackles some of her personal wh...

When a person goes through the trauma of sexual abuse, there are negative messages--lies--that can become ingrained in them as a result. One of the universal struggles of sexual abuse survivors is feeling unworthy. Whether we feel unworthy of justice, love, acceptance, healing, healthy relationships or _____, the struggle is definitely real. In this episode, we unpack the heavy baggage of unworthi...

It seems like a no-brainer: men and women who sexually abuse children should never be in church leadership. Yet over and over again we are seeing stories of sexual abusers returning to ministry and receiving the full support of congregations while victims suffer alone. Not only do victims feel alone, they are consistently attacked and accused of being unforgiving, hateful, judgmental, and sowers o...

When a sexual abuse survivor finds their voice and begins to share their story of abuse, what they need more than anything are empathetic listeners and supporters who will handle their story with tenderness and care, recognizing that survivors should always be the gatekeepers of their own stories. Unfortunately, not everyone is an ally, and sometimes survivors' stories can be mishandled or even we...