Survivor Sanctuary

I lost my brother last month, and as a result, my fiercest protector. In his honor, this episode of Survivor Sanctuary is dedicated to "protectors" like him, and their role in helping us heal from sexual abuse.  Support Survivor Sanctuary With a Monthly Gift!

For many survivors of sexual abuse, finding their voice leads to speaking out and advocating for victims of abuse. But before you dive head-first into the world of advocacy, there are four things Kelly would like you to know. We talk about them on today’s episode.

Sometimes life throws curveballs that teach unexpected lessons. The last three weeks have been crazy, scary and riddled with anxiety, but the silver lining is a lesson in protecting the vulnerable that is invaluable for parents and churches who want to prevent sexual abuse. 

I read two articles this week about institutions dealing with "offenders" in their midst. One was about a church in Florida that hosts a ministry of love and acceptance to sex offenders. The other was about how an aquarium in Finland is dealing with one of their fishy residents who has a bad habit of eating all his friends. It turns out even people who feed fish for a living are better at protecti...

On today's episode, I continue my chat with advocate and predator expert Jimmy Hinton. After turning in his own father for sexually abusing children more than a decade ago, Jimmy has dedicated much of his time to speaking out on behalf of victims and educating churches on how to prevent and respond to sexual abuse within their walls. Jimmy's knowledge of abusers is invaluable, and his heart for vi...

On today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, I'm chatting with advocate and predator expert Jimmy Hinton. After turning in his own father for sexually abusing children more than a decade ago, Jimmy has dedicated much of his time to speaking out on behalf of victims and educating churches on how to prevent and respond to sexual abuse within their walls. Jimmy's knowledge of abusers is invaluable, and...

We talk a lot about what churches are doing wrong when it comes to preventing and responding to sexual abuse (and with good reason). But there are actually several ways that you can begin to open your church's eyes about abuse--and begin to help survivors--right now. We talk about how on this episode of Survivor Sanctuary.

You may have heard it said that the effects of sexual abuse can't be physically seen. We focus a lot, and rightfully so, on the mental, emotional and psychological effects of abuse. But while there are many "unseen" effects of sexual abuse, the trauma actually *does* leave physical marks in and on our bodies. On today's episode we'll chat about the physical effects of sexual abuse, and how this tr...

Whatever you call it--grooming, testing, preparing--the process by which a predator selects and readies his victims for abuse can be just as damaging as the acts of abuse themselves. Today on the podcast we talk about the damage done by grooming, and why it's important to address this as we heal.

On episode 47 of the podcast, we'll take a look at why it is so difficult for victims of sexual abuse to find healing from their trauma within the church. When a church's theology preaches freedom for the predator while piling heavy burdens on his victims, it is nearly impossible for healing to take place. What will it take for churches to address their misguided teachings about abuse and abusers?...

Sitting in a church service watching a worship pastor with skinny jeans and perfectly disheveled hair croon the latest Hillsong chorus might seem perfectly peaceful to many churchgoers. To a survivor of abuse, though, it can be a trauma trigger. Now, before you go accusing survivors of being backsliders for struggling to be in church, let’s take a look at trauma triggers, what they are, and why ch...

The SavetheChildren hashtag has become mighty popular on social media over the last few months. Awesome news for abused and trafficked children, right?! Not really, as it turns out. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're discussing the harm of this seemingly virtuous hashtag, and how you can be sure you're genuinely interested in "Saving the Children" and not actually further exploiting them...

Today on the podcast we're celebrating Survivor Sanctuary's one year podcastversary (totally a word, right?). We'll take a look back at the past year, and chat about what's in store for season two of the podcast. Grab your party hat and let's celebrate!

On today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary we're chatting with Dom and Megan Benninger, the founders of BaptistAccountability.org, about their journey into advocacy for the vulnerable in churches. When they learned that a convicted child molester was serving as a pastor in their church and as a leader in the church's affiliated preschool, the Benningers refused to be silenced. At significant persona...

You've found your voice and reported your abuser. So why is there a niggling feeling in the back of your head that your work isn't done? On episode 42 of the podcast, we'll chat about the instinct to protect that drives many survivors, and why your fight for justice, no matter how fierce, may never feel like "enough."

Maybe you've thought about it a million times--the exact words you would say to the person who abused you. Maybe you've written them out, word for word, or rehearsed them in front of a mirror. While the opportunity to actually confront your abuser *can* be an empowering part of the healing process, it can also be new source of trauma, or even just a big fat emotional let-down. On today's episode o...

Predators are going to prey; it's what they do. But the truth is that predators need help from an even more dangerous animal in order to successfully produce victims for the long haul. On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, Kelly talks about enablers: who they are, what they do, and why they can be even more dangerous than abusers themselves. 

Yet another infuriating story in the news this week sparked this episode of Survivor Sanctuary.  What is the deal with churches financially supporting credibly accused child molesters who "feel led" to travel to foreign lands and work with children? We are literally using tithes and offerings to fund child molesters and build sexual abuse grooming centers around the world--and we're doing it...

I don't want to talk about my feelings.  I don't want to think about what happened.  I just want to leave the past in the past.  There are so many reasons we rationalize our choice to bury the trauma of sexual abuse. What is familiar feels safe--even if the familiar sucks. But on today's episode of Survivor Sanctuary, Kelly shares ten reasons it is TOTALLY worth it to dive into the...

Asking for help can be tough no matter what your life experiences. For survivors of sexual abuse, though, there can be a tendency to see "help" as a four-letter word (which, incidentally, it actually is. :). On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're unpacking the root of our distaste for vulnerability, and why we can wrestle so much with a fear of asking for help.

Why is it that some people seem to be crushed by sexual abuse, and others seem to bounce back resiliently? Why do some survivors struggle in ways that others don't? On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we're chatting about the unique ways individuals can experience trauma, and why comparing yourself to other survivors is always a bad idea. Truth is, we don't break--or heal--the same way, and acc...

Why do so many Christians struggle to understand that the brain is an organ that can malfunction like all the rest of them? When any other organ gives us trouble, we have no problem believing that illness is at play. When it comes to issues involving the brain, however, many Christians are quick to believe (and loudly proclaim) the issue is spiritual. We'd never tell a diabetic that their wacko in...

Every day, survivors of sexual abuse are faced with realities that can leave them burdened by the weight of abuse. The news is full of stories of abusers evading justice, our facebook feeds are flooded with triggers and ignorant comments, and or own minds and bodies seem to be working against us a lot of the time. With all that is wrong, is there any hope for survivors? I believe there is, and on...

On this episode of Survivor Sanctuary, we are tackling one of the big fat lies sexual abuse tells us: That we need to be crushing the healing game, advocating for other survivors, doing big things to prevent sexual abuse or _______ in order to deserve taking up space on this planet. Join me as we dissect this lie and uncover a truth that's easy to say, but tough to believe-- I. Am. Enough.

Lies, cover-ups, institutional self protection... it's like deja vu al over again, only this time, it isn's sexual abuse that some churches are mishandling. On today's podcast, I discuss the similarities between how some churches are dealing with the coronavirus pandemic and how they deal with sexual abuse within their walls. Is it faith driving these church leaders, or is fear behind it all? Link...