Strong Men Strong Marriages

It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re trying to change your marriage. You put in a lot of effort. You feel the changes. But, your wife just doesn’t seem to see them. How long is it going to take? How long do you have to keep this up? Today we’ll talk about the #1 internal shift that you need to make. It’s about committing to change for “the long haul” instead of putting a timeframe on it. As so...

What do you do when your wife says she would be fine if she never had sex again? You are certainly not fine with that idea. Why would she say such a thing? Today I’m joined by Amanda Louder at Amanda Louder Coaching and host of the Sex for Saints podcast. Her mission is to help Christian women embrace their sexuality and love their sex life. We discuss what your wife might be thinking when she say...

My wife and I are experiencing some disconnection right now. This happens at times in any marriage. But, what do you do to overcome it? Step 1 - Express your feelings, even when it might upset the other person. This isn’t just losing your temper, but explaining what you’re frustrated about. This requires spiritual, mental,  and emotional strength. Step 2 - Figure out what you actually want from th...

This is one of the most common problems I see in the men I work with. It can be VERY frustrating to feel like you’re changing, but have your wife keep bringing up your past mistakes. What you have to understand about this is that your wife is HURT. And YOU are the one who hurt her. And over time, the wound you have caused her has become infected. And so, when you tell her to “get over it” or “move...

This is LONG overdue, but today you get to meet my wonderful wife Elizabeth! We had the chance to be interviewed by Chris and Suzanne Vester from the Faith. Family. Fulfillment podcast. Today you’ll hear from both of us about: -The negative patterns we had in our marriage -What it took to finally recognize them -What we did to overcome them -Her experience of me as a husband -How my owning my nega...

After reading hundreds of books on marriage, dating and relationships, here are the books that have most shaped my thinking on how to help men with their marriages: -The Bible (In particular: Love your neighbor as yourself) -The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey -Leadership And Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute -Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch As an honorable mentio...

Anger is a God-given emotion. But, it can also be used for evil. The purpose of anger is to injure and destroy something. It can be used to instill fear in others so that they’ll do what we want. While it can work in the short term (like scaring our kids into doing their chores)... That is an evil use of anger, and one that will not create positive long term relationships. But, Jesus got angry som...

Whether you’re trying to improve your sex life, recover from infidelity, or stop a separation or divorce… It can be easy to get discouraged. You understand that you need to make some changes. And, maybe you’ve already made some and you’re feeling good about them. But, your wife isn’t responding how you would like. Or at least not as quickly as you would like. Today you’ll learn how to approach thi...

Most men ask me “What should I do?” What should I do so my wife has sex with me more? What should I do to win my wife’s trust back after infidelity? What should I do to end my separation and win my wife back? Unfortunately, this is the wrong question.  You see, it’s not really what you DO that matters. You can DO the right things, like buy your wife flowers. But, if you’re feeling anxious and need...

According to famous marriage researcher John Gottman, what’s the #1 thing that women want from a man? Trustworthiness. And what do women want to trust you to do? To protect them. Physically and emotionally. They want to know that you will keep them safe. The main complaints women have about men are: “He’s never there for me” and “there’s not enough intimacy and connection.” These complaints both s...

Last week we talked about how to recover if you had an emotional affair. This week we’re talking about what to do if your wife had an emotional affair. This is a very difficult time for you. You feel betrayed, angry, and depressed. You’re not sure if you should try to stay, try to win her back, or leave her. You don’t know what you should do about this other guy. You can feel frozen as far as what...

An emotional affair does major damage to a marriage.  Your wife feels angry, depressed and betrayed. You feel guilty, but are not sure what to do to fix it. You’ve broken off the relationship, but your wife still brings it up often. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to recover after an emotional affair. You need to: -Identify and change the reasons why you had the emotional affair -Rebuild...

Justin felt like he needed to change or he was going to lose all connection with his wife and end up as roommates. Nikki felt like she “didn’t need Justin” and “couldn’t count on him to do anything.” Their relationship felt co-dependent and strained, and their physical connection was not where either one wanted it to be. Justin decided to join the program (without telling Nikki at first). Nikki wa...

Infidelity breaks the main foundation of a great marriage: trust. So, how do you rebuild trust after infidelity? Some men think that it’s by apologizing, moving forward, and having her decide to trust you again. But it’s actually the opposite. You need to really dig into her pain for as long as it takes. You need to understand it completely before you can move forward. And you have to understand t...

If you’re not having the amount or type of sex you would like with your wife… You are doing things that are turning her off. As I’ve worked with high achieving Christian men, there are three main ways that men turn their wife off. Being an emotional terrorist. Acting like a baby. And being a parasite. Learn what these mean… How to stop doing them… And what to do instead… In today’s episode. Listen...

Right now you want your marriage to change. You want more attention, appreciation, affection and sex for your wife. You feel like you’ve tried lots of things, and maybe they’ve helped some. But, you’re still not where you want to be. Here’s the problem. You’re not using the 3 keys to transform your marriage. You need to commit to changing yourself NO MATTER WHAT your wife does. You need to commit...

You’re trying to get your wife’s attention, appreciation and affection. You’re cooking, cleaning, making the money, and helping with the kids. You’re shutting down activities that you enjoy to spend more time with her. And despite all your sacrifices… It’s not working! You don’t have the mental, emotional and sexual intimacy you want with your wife. There’s good news. You’re a guy who puts in the...

You’re working hard to change your marriage. You’re listening to podcasts, reading books, and learning as much as you can. And you’re seeing some changes. But you’re not where you want to be. Why is that? When it comes to changing your behavior in relationships… You have blind spots. Just like everyone else. And you can either humble yourself enough to get the help to see them… And make changes in...

What does your dream marriage look like? For most of the guys I talk to, it involves being great friends, aligned on big goals, supporting each other, having fun together, and enjoying a great sex life. Being connected spiritually, mentally, emotionally and sexually connected. But, you’re probably not spending much time envisioning that marriage. Probably because you think it’s just not possible....

This weekend was powerful for me. As I went through significant struggles recently, a workshop I attended reminded me of my main job. To align myself with God and do His work. To use my skills in alignment with how God wants me to use them. For myself. With my wife. With my kids. And in my business. As a simple and powerful exercise, ask yourself: What’s God’s message for me today? Then write that...

What is vulnerability? The dictionary describes it as being easily hurt, influenced or attacked. That doesn’t sound very sexy. But, Brene Brown and others have redefined vulnerability in a way that IS attractive. That is being courageous enough to risk emotional exposure. This week was a hard week for me, and I exposed myself (emotionally) to my wife at a deeper level than I ever have. It took cou...

If you’re not having the passionate sex that you want in your marriage… You’re probably making some of the common mistakes that high achieving Christian men make. There are common, unattractive ways of thinking, feeling and acting towards sex… That IMMEDIATELY turn your wife OFF. Learn what these are… And how to replace them with ATTRACTIVE ways of thinking, feeling and acting… In today’s episode....

Many men I talk to are surprised by the problems in their marriage. They just don’t understand why their wife doesn’t want to have sex with them. Why she had an emotional or sexual affair. Why she wants a separation or divorce. This episode will help you know EXACTLY why these things happen… And how to fix the underlying problems. So that you can create deep mental, emotional and sexual intimacy w...

You’re trying to win your wife back. Whether that’s wanting to have sex more often, avoid or end a separation, or avoid a divorce. And, maybe you’re starting to make positive changes. The changes your wife has asked for from you for a long time. You’re listening more. Prioritizing her. Getting her gifts. But, she’s not impressed. She doesn’t get excited. She doesn’t say thank you. She barely even...

Most high achieving Christian men think that to have a more intimate marriage… They need to DO something different. Communicate better. Buy more gifts. Spend more time. Do the right service for their wife. And if that were the case, then marriage counseling would always work. Because that’s what most marriage counselors focus on. Doing. Action. Skills. But, often, DOING a good thing… Like using ma...