Story Matters Podcast

What makes trauma trauma? The shame we never talk about. Shame shapes our lives far more profoundly than most of us realize. While we typically think of shame as something that follows our mistakes, what if it's actually driving our behaviors from behind the scenes? In this eye-opening first episode of our shame series, Ryan and Emily explore how shame operates as an underlying force in human...

Dr. Curt Thompson has a saying "Pay attention to what you pay attention to." We discuss, in this episode, how it may look like we are doing one thing while our mind is somewhere completely different. We want to pay attention to what may be running in the background and having an impact on our relationships, behavior and ability to connect with God. We want to encourage our listeners to j...

In this episode Emily engages Todd's story from his childhood where a simple moment of being missed has had lifelong effects which can be healed. Send us Fan Mail

Loyalty structures are patterns that develop in childhood as a means for staying in good favor with our families of origin as well as peer groups.  These structures are often very influential in how we show up in the world and they usually include aspects of our glory.  However, when undetected, they wreak havoc in our adult lives as we still operate according to their design. In this episode we u...

Suffering can move us toward God or it can move us away from him;  consequently away from being fully human and alive. In the wake of a collective tragedy we discuss how to love your community by understanding the ways we often avoid the pain of suffering. Send us Fan Mail

In this episode we engage Shelly's story in our studio.   Shelly, who has gone through the Allender Center's Narrative Focused Trauma Care levels one and two, brings a story from fourth grade which has had life long implications.   Send us Fan Mail

Gaslighting was Merriam-Webster's word of the year in 2022.  Why did it make such a big splash?  In this episode we explore this concept, its roots, but also the fact that we need language for what is happening to us.   Send us Fan Mail

In this episode we take a look at the idea that we have various parts that make up who we are.  Traditionally theologians speak of Christians having the flesh and spirit, which is true.  However,  we know that we are never in this life simply one or the other.  When we are able to see how many of our unwanted behaviors are actually parts of us rooted in early traumas, we can move toward healing in...

So often in conflicts we would just love to hear the words, "I am sorry."  However, as great as this is, it really serves as only the beginning of restoration.  While not every conflict needs much more than these words to heal, many do.   We find that often these words are aimed to deflect attention from the real issue rather then transition to healing the rupture.  In this episode we di...

Repair is the third major pillar in healthy attachment.  Repair in a relationships is in some ways the most important aspect and also the most elusive.  We know that in this fallen world we will have conflicts in even our most cherished relationships.   When you were growing up, was good repair demonstrated for you?  When you misbehaved were you invited to repair with a parent?  Did you ever exper...

In Episode 17 we discuss the importance of healthy containment in our families of origin.   Containment is a process that helps children feel safe involving the emotional support that adults give children. Healthy containment helps develop a strong attachment to our caregivers.  It is especially important when the child expresses emotions that the parent may not be comfortable with.  When containm...

Attunement is the sense that you matter; that someone else sees you and is tending to you. We were made to be attuned to – by God and by our primary caregivers.  When our deepest needs are seen and met, we feel safe and able to attune to others.  However, for many of us, we did not receive attunement in our childhood, and so this quality may feel elusive.  In this episode we explore how we can sti...

We were made to be loved by our primary caregivers.  Three main categories that outline what we were meant to receive are attunement, containment, and repair.  This episode will introduce this topic as we will explore what it means for us in our present lives when these were not the way our families of origin operated. We believe by naming the particularities where these were not received enables...

As Christians we are taught that hatred is evil and yet one of the most important doctrines of God is his hatred of evil.  For present day Christians this often is relegated to a few technicolored "evils" that most can agree upon. However, the Bible calls us to love our neighbors, and this includes the hatred of any evil done to them or by them.  To grasp this in all of its implications...

The term NPC came from video games referring to the characters that the player doesn't have control of - they are controlled by the game's programming. When a person's behavior is determined by a system, whether family, church or peer group, they are in effect functioning as a NPC. One of the main reasons we engage our stories is to learn the ways we have blindly fit into systems an...

This episode seeks to help our listeners this holiday season or future times around family.  We explore the tendency to go into auto pilot where we often return to past or familiar patterns of relating around certain groups, especially family.  During such occasions when all is supposed to be amazing, we often face comments or situations that can bring up strong negative feelings.  In this convers...

In this episode we explore the concept of "window of tolerance" seeing its connection to meekness.   What we often consider weakness is actually a strength of spirit and mind.   Send us Fan Mail

One of the reasons we find healing so elusive is that we refuse to engage the heartaches of our lives.  It can seem un-American or even un-Christian to look upon the past in a negative light.  However, this is exactly how Scripture beacons us to grow...by first going into our suffering. In this episode we will explore Jesus' words, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted....

Why do we look back at childhood stories of harm? We discuss internal vows we make, agreements about who we are and protectors that develop. These were ways we needed to mitigate shame that are still patterns by which we live our adulthood. Jesus invites us to lay down these fig leaves when he begins his Sermon on the Mount.  Send us Fan Mail

Take off your shoes, this is holy ground! God desires for us to live in bodies that feel safe and loved. Selah is an ancient word from poetry and we see it in the Psalms. Emily developed a Selah practice with five steps to make space for self care using God's words as a guide.  Pause. Feel. Turn. Receive. Flourish!  We hope you can be aware of how your body is holding sorrows, trauma, negativ...

Christians in the modern era are often confused about the role our bodies play in our growth.  In this episode we explore the need to be tuned into our bodies which carry many of our wounds and are also instrumental for living fully integrated lives.   Send us Fan Mail

Let's unpack the power of narrative focused trauma care (NFTC). We discuss a way to approach healing that combines scripture with modern psychology. We want the Church to take back what should be ours as we talk through how modern Psychology was birthed out of a shift that left modern Christians lacking. "In the late 19th century, while the Church's understanding of the unconscious...

We close out the Shalom series by unpacking the final stage: Shalom Restoring. We seek to imagine what healing can look like in our particular stories of suffering. Send us Fan Mail

We explore our tendency to seek protection from our wounds in ways that don't ultimately lead to our flourishing.   Building on the shalom arc developed by Dr. Dan Allender, the concept of this episode is shalom sought as false rescues from the myriad and particular ways shalom has been shattered throughout our lives.  What is important to grasp is that these ways were often very necessary at...

In this conversation we explore the reality that something went wrong.   In order to grasp how our own stories fit into the larger story of redemption we must examine the particular places where evil has assaulted us.   Send us Fan Mail