Starborn Parenting Podcast

Does timeout work or is it hurting your kid? PhD level behavior scientists Rick Kubina and Madeline Jürgensen break down one of the most common (and most misused) discipline tools parents reach for. You’ll learn what timeout really is, why it’s so easy to overuse, which behaviors it’s meant for, and five simple ways to make it work. Whether you use timeout every day or never, this episode will hel...

Your kid gets pushed at the park. Or your kid is the one doing the pushing. Either way, the first instinct is to decide someone is the aggressor and someone is the victim, and that's where it goes wrong. Rick and Madeline walk through what's actually happening when toddlers hit, push, and bite. The four payoffs driving almost every one of those behaviors, the five questions that tell you...

Meta just agreed to an $18 billion settlement with 29 states over claims that Instagram and Facebook were built to hook kids. Yes, they are actively trying to addict your kids. So what exactly did they agree to change, and what does it tell us about how these apps work on our kids? Rick and Madeline break down the settlement, from the new two-hour daily limit and overnight lockout to hidden like c...

Some kids get picked first and some get picked last, and it usually isn't personality. It's social skills, which means they can be taught. Last week Rick and Madeline covered the Core 10 for parents. This week they flip it and walk through the Core 10 social skills your child needs. The 10 break into four groupings: respect and gratitude, responding to feedback and cooperating, communica...

You have about ten years as your kid's main social teacher, and then the job goes to their friends, their phone, and whoever else shows up. Nobody arrives with social skills built in; kids learn them, which means someone teaches them, on purpose or by accident. In this episode, Rick and Madeline turn the camera on the parents and walk through the Core 10 social skills you should model at home...

Why doesn't my 3 year old listen? Why does my toddler hit and throw things? Rick and Madeline take three real posts from struggling parents and break each one down using behavior science.   Inside: the four questions to ask before you react, the four functions of behavior, why "oppositional defiant" and "mean" are terrible words for a toddler, and how timeouts can accident...

The Surgeon General just called screen time a public health crisis, yikes! Rick and Madeline break down why screens outcompete everything else in your kid's life. Note, it's the same variable-reinforcement schedule that runs a slot machine. They also talk about what works instead: changing the environment before the fight starts, replacing the behavior instead of just removing it, and ma...

Sticker charts get a bad rap, but the problem usually isn't the chart. Rick and Madeline break down token economies: bribe vs. reward, the four decisions that build a working system, and the six mistakes that quietly kill it. Plus chimpanzees, punch cards, and a one-week homework assignment. What a ride!

The follow-up to Sofia and Christina in Ep. 7. Rick and Madeline zoom out: how common picky eating is, what the research says about outgrowing it, why it happens, and three strategies parents can start tonight. Closes with red flags and when to get help. 

Growing up, Sofia only ate a handful of foods. Then as a young teenager, with high school coming and anxiety building about eating at friends' houses, she did something surprising: she asked for help. Sofia and her mom Christina, a board-certified behavior analyst, join us to share how food exposures, a fear ladder, and a lot of patience changed everything. Now Sofia is headed to college, try...

Not every behavior your kid does needs a lecture, and trying to fix everything can burn you out. In this episode, Rick and Madeline break down the four "behavior buckets" every parent should know: behaviors to grow, small stuff to let go, patterns to teach through, and crisis moments where safety comes first. Plus: the five-year test for picking your battles, Hungry Hungry Hippos "c...

"Put your shoes on. Put your shoes on. I told you, put your shoes on!" Sound familiar? Rick and Madeline dig into why nagging feels like it works (it's the same intermittent reinforcement that keeps people pulling slot machine levers) and what it costs the trust bank you share with your child. They share what animal trainers can teach us about changing behavior without nagging, plus...

"He's testing me." "She's being dramatic." "He knows exactly what he's doing." Those are theories, and theories can be wrong. This week Rick and Madeline teach a skill that changes how you see your kid, describing exactly what they're doing, without labels or judgment. You'll learn how to pinpoint a behavior in a few countable words, how the v...

Nearly 400 million kids worldwide (3 out of 4) experience violent discipline at home. This week, Rick and Madeline take on the "blowtorch" of parenting: punishment. They dig into the global data, what pain-induced aggression does to a kid's brain, and why punishing tends to escalate over time without ever teaching kids what to do instead. Plus the difference between penalty and puni...

When your kid melts down in aisle 6, something specific set it off, usually in the moment before the behavior. Maybe you said no, or the cart rolled past the toys. And some days, a skipped nap or a rushed morning primes your kid to blow at the smallest thing. In this episode Rick and Madeline break down the pattern behind every meltdown: what happens before, during, and after, so you can spot the...

Most parents think rewards are pretty simple. Give the kid a treat, and they do the thing. There's a reason it works some days and totally backfires on others. Rick and Madeline get into what really motivates your kid, why the same reward can work for one child and do nothing for another, and how a reward is different from a bribe. By the end you'll have a lot more clarity on why your ki...