Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots - Episode 399 Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows. Also: - Could You Sing That Like Dio? - Ghosts Have Birthdays - King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo - Jim's Secret Fru...

Square Roots - Episode 398 There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist!  Also: - Abblegation - Too Good Of A Singer - Countess Undercut - Who Is Celine Dion - 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked This Week: Here Lies the Abyss Next Week:  What Pr...

Square Roots - Episode 397 Finally we close the breach, and everything is perfect. Except that that dang ol' Corypheus has to go and ruin it all with a demon dragon and one of two possible henchpeople. Meanwhile Jim decides to start the internet hashtag goof of the decade! Also: - Just arctic  - Jodie Pasta and Jane Fondue - Talking in hushed whispers - Far dragon age future is mass effect  - Oil...

Square Roots - Episode 396 It's a PATRIOTS ONLY podcast. Our three hosts are RED, WHITE and BLUE. And these colours aren't busy at work. On this AMERICANS ONLY episode of Square Roots the fierce flag smoochers talk about what's up with the Templars mission Champions of the Just and recruit Vivienne, Iron Bull, Blackwall and Vanessa's nemesis Sera. Also: - Bronnie Jandon Is Always Ready For A Kiss...

Square Roots - Episode 395 You've got to hand it to the Herald: their hand certainly is glowy, and has superpowers too! In this gripping first chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age: Inquisition we close gates to the fade, meet a horse man, stare at chest hair, and leave the hinterlands as soon as Solas tells us to, because we wouldn't want to disappoint Vanessa's dream elf. Also: - Carol Vorderman's Mat...

Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes Square Roots - Episode 394 Don't you just love having legs? You can waggle them, you can crisscrossapplesauce them, they have leg hands! And we use our JRPG legs through all the long walks and long dungeons of this limb-filled Square Roots episode ending our Final Fantasy I season. Just two episodes? You better believe it. Also: - Advent Children Chose The M...

Hello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting.  But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy! This Week: We watch a movie! About video games! Next Week:  We Finish Final Fanta...

Square Roots - Episode 393 Oh wow! This is the oldest RPG we've done for a season! But none of us were ready for the adorable sprites and price-gouging magic dealers of Final Fantasy I! Also: - The Brown Crystal - Paul Giamatti Kisses a Woman - Super Into Creed - The Manana Origins - Margot Robbie Could Go Into Anyone's House - The Opposite of Downtown Brown - A Walken Shower This Week: We defeat...

Square Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watc...

Square Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time! Thi...

Square Roots - Episode 390 Much to Jim's delight things take a tragic turn in this dramatic chunker of Final Fantasy IV! There's self-sacrifice, double bump amnesia, betrayals, de-trayals, and even a fantastic journey to the center of the earth! Also: - Women Love Men Who Jump - Lussy - The Under a Dark Influence Defense - Long Flowing Jareth Hair - A Water Plane - The Watermelon Cagnazzo This Wee...

Happy American Thanksgiving! Or, if you live elsewhere, the second to last week of November! In celebration of this holiday, and due to all of us travelling this week, please enjoy Johnny asks Matthew, Jim, Vanessa and Doctor Steven Stone: Would You Eat This Bird? Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter....

Square Roots - Episode 389 On this second chunker of Final Fantasy IV, Cecil drops the dark sword for something a little lamer. And the Square Roots crew, minus Vanessa who is spiralling into the air due to a malady, delights in the change and in the introduction of Milon / Scarmiglione. Oh, and there's the adorable twins Palom and Porum!  Also: - Congrats Gen-Z For "Mid" - Chuck E Cheese, Child C...

Square Roots - Episode 388 Anything could happen on Halloween! Silent Hill could turn into a show. We could all start playing Final Fantasy, the fourth just so you know. Number Five has its butts! Number six destroys the world! But on Halloween, your BLOOD begins to CURL. Something spooky's going on! Also: - Is This The First Good Final Fantasy?! - That's Why They Call It Default! - Is That A Tamp...

Square Roots - Episode 387 We did it! We finished Fallout: New Vegas! Matthew fades in and out of consciousness throughout this epic journey, but in this chunker we play through the DLC "Lonesome Road" as well as finishing the main campaign! There's radio negging, stopping (or helping) an assassination, nuclear whoopsies, and maybe even a robot throwing someone off of a tower! Also: - Grandma Dry...

Square Roots - Episode 386 It's time for the silly, Portal Inspired companion piece of DLC, Old World Blues, on this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas. Sure, we meet some robots terrified of our disgusting erect hand penises and Johnny kills more dogs, but that's just how Fallout is. Also: - Turn Them Off From Behind - Juu'ls Van in Alaska - Accidental Sondheim - Switch or Phone! - Is Horny an Emotion...

Square Roots - Episode 385 Finally wrapping up Dead Money we tackle the most important quest in Fallout: New Vegas: becoming Best Friends with Best Friend Tabitha! Or not, depending on how things play out for you. Also: RAUL! Also: - Anti-Circumcision Pokemon Stickers - A Human Head Shaped Lamp - Taskmaster Heckling - Playing Persona on Stage - Vanessa's Fly Updates - Dean: Alive or Undead - I'm G...

Square Roots - Episode 384 We put off meeting Best Friend Tabitha for another week and instead learn all about the casino of the Sierra Madre, where a real Andrew Ryan takes us through the BioShockiest chunker of Fallout yet. Oh yeah, and Johnny gets a whole lot of people killed by the Brotherhood of Steel because he failed some speech checks. Also: - Why Wouldn't Dommy Mommy Want to Look Like a D...

Square Roots - Episode 383 Okay, we didn't hit our goal for this chunker again - we'll save dealing with the Brotherhood until next time. But this time on Square Roots we explore different methods of dealing with the Boomers and the Great Khans and continually tease how great Vault 34 is without actually getting there. Also: - Vanessa Describes the Best Scene from Retribution - Matthew's Origin St...

Square Roots - Episode 382 Hey, jazz cats. It's time to meet some ring-a-ding broads and bears for a swinging time on the strip! We explore the White Glove Society's very secret secret that you'll never guess, the Rat Pack era Chaimen at the Tops, and Vegas's naughtiest casino, the Gamorrean Guards. You'll note we didn't end up making friends with the Boomers, so there are no Boomer jokes this epi...

Square Roots - Episode 381 Okay, let's get this out of the way first: in this chunker Johnny mixes up Doc Mitchell and Doc Bailey. One is voiced by Michael Hogan and is the doctor in Good Springs, who came from a vault, and the other is the doctor from Vault 22. Michael Hogan played Commander Bailey in Mass Effect, so it's a simple mistake anyone could make. Right? RIGHT?!? Also in this chunker we...

Square Roots - Episode 380   On this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas, the Square Roots gang get a fourth member in the posse, and triple the number of Vanessas possible. We also meet Caesar's Legion and may or may not end up on bad terms with them, get spooked by a dinosaur, make friends with some ghouls and nightkin and turn on the power!   Also: East Nippletown Not All Lesbians Are Snipers But All...

Square Roots - Episode 379   It's been seven years in the making but now we finally, finally shake the dust out of our boots and get on the long road to New Vegas. That's right, the Fallout game that uses the Bethesda engine but has Obsidian developing. Is it the best of both worlds?   Also: Gambling Puns! The Johnny Guitar bit Air Bud 3: The Chess Muttster Jim watches Scary Movie 2 The Canadian V...

Square Roots - Episode 378   Finally! We've worked through Lunar in admittedly probably one too many episodes. But hey, we finished it! And we get to see just what happens when your moon girlfriend actually is a goddess. Like. A real one. Not metaphorical.   Also: - The Grandia Pile - I'm Gonna Digest All Your Clothes - Offishul - PlayStation Porthole - Jeopardy! Untucked - Sheryl Kyle This Week:...

Square Roots - Episode 377 UPDATE: Johnny's computer got dead enough that it is being fixed by the Geek Squad! Yay! On this Jimless episode of Square Roots Johnny, Vanessa and Matthew get frequently derailed by asides to the point where they forget what they're supposed to be doing, but what they're doing is recording the penultimate episode of our book club style playthrough of Lunar! That's righ...