Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Square Roots - Episode 447 Level Up Starts  at 01:44:15 Now that Sea of Stars is over we can promise one thing: no more Garl puns. Now we're on to Thief: The Dark Project by Looking Glass Studios. Enjoy the intense 90s cutscenes! Revell in the developers voicing many side characters! Quiet down your steps with moss arrows! Explode some zombies with holy water! We all approach this early first pers...

Square Roots - Episode 446 Level Up Starts  at 02:03:30! It's a wrap on Sea of Stars this chunker, and someone didn't finish! And it's not who you think! We go through the two endings, talk to some fish, meet a tiger man, and go through a gross castle full of goop and body parts. YEAH! Also: - Garl Interrupted - Garl's Just Want To Have Fun - Who's That Garl? - Garls On Film! - Never Met A Garl Li...

We are sure that the technical issue that caused the original second half of this episode to be lost won't be noticed and the transition to the new recording will be seamless. Garl finds himself being the true hero of this game as he now has a near-death vision explaining what he needs to do before he dies. Level Up: 01:48:15 Also: * Squish Squish Squish * A Lot of Feet Talk * I Might Be The Thres...

Square Roots - Episode 444 Level Up Starts  at 01:36:00! Finally, we return to the Sea of Stars and a lot of stuff happens in this chunker! There's gorilla kids! Elderly enslaved kids! You sail into a mouth! And you get a secret weapon that morphs solstice magic into a [REDACTED] attack! Also: - An Edgier Pac-Man - Don't You Dare Make Fun of Capitalism!   - Matt Loves A Good Pear - Mattholics! - "...

We decided to drop a special Christmas themed bonus episode for you this week! It's the Square Roots Christmas Gift Guide 2024!!! Join us as we discuss what presents we got for all your favorite RPG characters.  We'll be back next week with our regularly scheduled Sea of Stars episode.   

Square Roots - Episode 443 Level Up Starts  at 02:00:30! It's a Marvel's Captain America: Civil War on this podcast, as Matthew's Dreamatorium Podcast Within A Podcast is squaring off against Johnny's Dreamcast, a podcast within a podcast. But also we played more Sea of Stars! And we got to the big End of Act 1 twist! Gasp! Things change! Allegiences are challenged! A town with a terrible name has...

Square Roots - Episode 442 Level Up Starts  at 02:23:18 The adventure truly begins as Johnny joins forces with Matt, Jim and Vanessa to tackle the pressing question about Sea of Stars: What the hell is this Wheels game anyway? Also we meet some fourth wall breaking pirates and fight two separate necromancers. Also: - Garl is the Jimminy Cricket - Johnny Hates The Algorithm - Smeared With Working D...

Square Roots - Episode 441 Level Up Starts At 01:50:15 On this celestial episode of Square Roots, Jim guides Vanessa and Matt through the opening of 2023's beloved throwback style RPG, Sea of Stars. That's right: Vanessa plays a pixel game like some kind of baby, and it doesn't make her feel better when the game just keeps on the baby-themes for the first half hour or so. But will these special ba...

Square Roots - American Thanksgiving Bonus On this Square Roots, we're going to learn how to say no to drugs when a 8 year old tries to give you free weed. Or how you'll deflate like a balloon on your couch. Wait, no, that's not what we do on this episode. On this episode we look at sixteen birds - 15 of which are from Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth so be aware of mild FF7 Rebirth spoilers. This Week: En...

Square Roots - Episode 440 Level Up Starts at 1:47:45! Today is all about silly funny fun. There's goofy fun adventures, and our bestest princess of light and good and low chaos allows an old man to continue to live tied to machines and under the control of his slightly mad nurse. She also helps an unconscious woman have her dream wedding with a corpse. ALL IN THE NAME OF GOOD! - Daud Puts the U i...

Dishonored Part 5: Big Lesbian Energy  Square Roots Episode 439 This ep has a LOT of positive energy! We're all in a GREAT mood!  Too much talk about labias Imperial Majesty Vanessa  Hot Gay News!  Johnny pulls a real life Mr. Bean and plays the wrong DLC EVERYTHING IS AWESOME  This Week: Knife of Dunwall Next Week: Finish The Witches of Brigmore! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast...

Dishonored Part 4: Is Harry Anderson An 80s Era Brian David Gilbert? Square Roots - Episode 438 Level Up Starts at 1:55:00! Apologies to Italy, again. There are disparaging remarks made on whether Johnny did or did not finish Dishonored. These are all fabrications. Johnny has submitted video evidence to the Facegroup Group. He has the cheevos to prove it. These accusations are flagrant. They're id...

Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent! -...

Square Roots - Episode 436 Level Up Starts at 1:56:45! Don't worry if you tranq'd the dogs like Matt did, the dogs are fine! They were just asleep, and now they're at big farms in Tyria where the dogs can run and play! Such are the cruel realities of Dishonored, the Arkane Studios immersive funulator! - Lactaid is the PreP of the Dairy World - Let Me Solas Him - Vanessa Doesn't Like To Acknowledge...

Square Roots - Episode 435 Level Up Starts at 2:44:00! Matthew defeated nature and survived another hurricane, and we start a new game! This time it's the classic RPG (?) Dishonored, one of those immersive sims. Or 0451 games. Whatever you want to call it! We don't follow the Five Foot Rule of murders, get into jail, get out of jail, navigate some sewers and then deal with the High Overseer! - Upg...

Square Roots - Episode 434 Level Up Starts at 2:07:45! I was thinking about making this episode description in the style of the Rob Zombie song, but that was too hard. Also? The lyrics are pretty weird. "Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat, tender is the fur, dying as you purr"? Alright there Robert. BUT! On this chunker we finish Tactics Ogre! All of us! Surprisingly. Some of us are crowned kin...

It's a hurricane ep! Matt needs a week off due to weather (coughfootballcough) so the Square Roots gang plays some games and chats about hot gaming news. We will be back next week for the end of Tactics Ogre!  This Week: Hot nonsense! Next Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.a...

Square Roots - Episode 432 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:21:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. Vanessa and Matthew fail at rescuing the princess, who is still a bit stabby. Will Johnny rescue her? Find out next episode because Johnny was about six fights behind. THIS IS A LONG GAME OKAY Also: -...

Square Roots - Episode 431 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:13:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. On this stabby chunker of Tactics Ogre, the game has gone full Matsuno. Everyone's getting stabbed. The Hierophant's got a knife. Vyce has a knife. Knives everywhere, and lots of people with political...

Square Roots - Episode 430 Matt, Vanessa and Johnny pursue a Jimless chunker as they take a castle for the noble Wallisters! Or maybe for the evil Wallisters. Kind of depends on how you play it. Johnny gets a good time route full of fun banter while Matt and Vanessa are punished for their morality by having to explain to a guy why they killed his wife. Also: - The Taskmaster Cult - Vanessa Ruins M...

Square Roots - Episode 429 There's so much sports talk at the end of this episode. You've been warned. But otherwise on this episode of Square Roots we make our way through Chapter 2 in Tactics Ogre: Reborn! Jim, Vanessa and Matt are doing the chaos path, meanwhile Johnny is doing the Lawful path on Let Us Cling Together, which he may or may not regret. Also: - Matt Has All The Powers Of A Cellpho...

Square Roots - Episode 428 Are you ready for a sublime experience of RPG tactics? What I got for you this week is a quick li'l episode of the Square classic Tactics Ogre, and you don't have to practice Santeria to understand that this means Vanessa had to call in sick. But that's okay!  Also: - New Thing Matt Hates: Steam Charts - The DreamCast: Improvising Beastie Boy lyrics - A Life Sized Hank H...

Square Roots - Episode 427 Welcome to this In-Ogre-Al episde of our Tactics Ogre playthrough! You can play Reborn! You can play the PlayStation 1 one! You can play the PSP one! Whatever you want, it's all about various ethnic groups at war. You know it's an Alexander O. Smith translation with all the "neh"s and manses, so get ready for some great but dense text!  Also: - In-Ogre-Al - Is Vanessa JD...

Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast Square Roots - Episode 426 It's TIME to wrap up this TIME TALE. We push through the finale of this game with focus and vigor, like a time train smashing through a time building. But beware the time monster! It's obviously coming, and surely this is going to be a fight for the ages. You definitely are going to fight this time monster. Also: - Watching Hostel is...

Square Roots - Episode 425 On this temporal episode of Square Roots, we explore the conclusion of the Time Knife. It's so long. So, so long. Does SLOBBO die? Does anyone peel off a mask? Whose baby is that, anyway? All this and so much more on tonight's episode of Night Springs. Also: - Matt Is A Blue Mage Now - UFC Surgical Tubing Strangle Attack - More Hatch Lore - Under the Bridge Downtown - It...