So Very Wrong About Games

We take no time off for Boxing Day here at SVWAG, a day so named because according to the common law of the King (still feels weird saying that) citizens of the Commonwealth are permitted to punch someone in the face on this day only. It's like a pugilistic The Purge but with the metric system and occasional poutine. The news this week features a number of exemplary game titles. Many a stellar gam...

All things in SVWAG are glorious, and that applies doubly for our glorious returns. We will also not be taking any additional breaks during the holidays! Yes, we can pledge an uninterrupted broadcast schedule through to the new year--leading directly to our annual end-of-year spectacular. And it shall be what, listeners? Say it with me,It shall be glorious.02:24 AYURIS: Bullet♥︎ (Joshua Van Laning...

Sometimes a game's title leads to it being underplayed. Such is not the case for Carolus Magnus, whose chief downside might be the surplus of excellent aliases (Chuckie Mags, Charlie Big-Big, Carlos Grande, Caroolie Magoonie, et al). Planet Unknown, on the other hand, hardly sticks in one's memory. Planet Lazy Susan, though perhaps a bit clumsy, would have likely generated more interest and most d...

Walker has yet to inform us what agenda the aliens are pursuing in Argentina during their relentless campaign of cow abduction. Do the alien overlords practise colonialism in the same way as their human counterparts? Do the inscrutable extraterrestrials differentiate between different humans, perhaps much as they differentiate between cows? Are their secret machinations behind the British East Ind...

Say what you want about the evils of filthy lucre, but I find it amazing how managers turn communitarian and high-minded when it comes to fair remuneration. "Don't you believe in the project?" "Aren't you committed to the team?" et al get deployed all the time when people want to, you know, get compensated for their work. One can't help but notice that racialized workers and women get subjected to...

Most of those time loop movies, while enjoyable, lack any degree of verisimilitude--clearly the chief use of a power to undo time or back up would be to get another chance at not saying something terribly stupid and embarrassing. One wonders if such time travelers would have a yet deeper reservoir of memories of sounding like a total cretin, even though those utterances were never said in the actu...

"Let us go then, you and I,When the board is spread out against the tableLike a beast euthanized inside a stable;Let us go, through certain half-deserted tracks,The muttering attacksDuring restless nights of one-play bad gamesAnd sepia box lids with familiar names:Rules that follow like a tedious argumentOf soporific intentTo lead you to an overwhelming question ...Oh, do not ask, “What to play?”L...

Replete with a robust menagerie in this episode, we perhaps begin to see why anthropomorphic animals seem to feature in every other game lately. We have Dalmations (plus a cow named Doog trying to impersonate a Dalmation), horsies, goats, weasels and wombats (seldom do we see such an august alliteration!), meeses (not to be confused with mooses), and some needed stinkin' badgers. Not a great petti...

We apologize for the all-caps implied yelling, but really, given this volume we had to have a corresponding... uh, volume. The puns are also somewhat fishy--but those you can feel free to skip, jack. The nautical theme doesn't end with fishing, as the recent Crash Octopus (when compared with older titles that are comparatively crusty) shone. More specifically given that it's about an octopus and w...

Live at SHUX 2022, we are joined with extra-special guest Quinns from Shut Up and Sit Down! He was clearly thrilled to be with us, as evinced by the following exchange:Mark: "We're professionals, Quinns."Quinns: "Citation needed."02:26 AYURIS: Hallertau (Uwe Rosenberg, Lookout Games, 2020)Games Played Last Week:05:11 -The Siege of Runedar (Reiner Knizia, Ludonova, 2021)09:00 -Marrakesh (Stefan Fel...

We apologize for the poor quality of Mark's half of the audio this week. We offer two possible explanations. One is that Walker, motivated as he is by spite and malice, engaged in an elaborate act of sabotage so as to undermine Mark in public. The other is that Mark (the editor, mind you) messed up the audio settings. I agree that the latter is too improbable, too conspiratorial, to take seriously...

001You approach a door. Test perception. If you fail, go to paragraph 105. If you succeed, go to paragraph 166.105You fail to notice a sharp thing, so you step on it and take 1 wound. Go to paragraph 166.166On the other side of the door are things you must kill for reasons. Dig out tiles 2B, 4A, 6A, 8B and 12B and get ready for some paperwork.02:23 AYURIS: Tungaru (Louis Malz & Stefan Malz, Alley...

Even the steadfastly Imperial Americans are familiar with metric measurements of distance, volume, and temperature; but alas, the metric French Republican calendar has fallen by the wayside. Consisting of 12 months of exactly 30 days each (3 10-day weeks) with 5 (or 6, for leap years) interstitial days called "complementary days." I mean, you couldn't call them holidays what with your trying to pu...

We encourage elaborate deception in this week's episode. Go on designers, up your game. While we can't accept anything from you in terms of gifts or donations, you can totally fool us. Stack yourselves three deep in a trenchcoat! Pretend to be long-lost, estranged, and newly-dead relatives! Don silly hats and fake moustaches! Games Played Last Week:01:00 -Monumental (Matthew Dunstan, Funforge, 202...

Fatal Fury 3's subtitle was Road to the Final Victory, ironic given that there were then four more Fatal Fury titles (the first's subtitle was The King of Fighters, which is its own huge delightful kettle of fish). While Fatal Fury Special (the actual third Fatal Fury title, which made 3 the fourth, please do keep up) was worthy in its own right, 3 is clearly where the Fatal Fury series hit its st...

Not every game needs to be four huge boxes full of other boxes and plastic. Some can be delightfully simple games... with boxes that are too big due to crowdfunding. Other games could be underappreciated Reiner Knizia classics brought to a new underappreciating audience! Via, I guess, the medium of crowdfunding. Hm. I suppose I don't have a point, except that we, like pearls before swine or a Kniz...

I met a gamer from an antique landWho said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of plasticStand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,Tell that its sculptor well those passions readWhich yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:And on the pedestal these words...

The Smart Car was truly out-of-the-box thinking. "Why do passenger cars all have to be the way they are?" asked some clever group of designers, and designed the minimalistic teensy Smart Car. Of course, the challenges posed by manufacturing the little thing, or driving the little thing on a highway, or walking away from a crash in the little thing, proved to be compelling arguments in favour of mo...

There was a time you could just stroll in a big box store in the United States and just buy a miniatures skirmish game that was actually pretty good. Sure, it didn't have analog movement or anything, but it used true line of sight and had amazing plastic terrain. So much plastic. Like, a whole lot. One the one hand, Hasbro says they're bringing HeroScape back, but on the other, ain't no way it's c...

Times are bad. Children no longer listen to their elders and everyone is running a Kickstarter. When I started this hobby I had no idea I would get a crash course in international shipping and logistics. Back in the day you might have had a friend in Germany send you the hot new thing, now you're tracking to see when the container ship with your stuff gets to leave port in China. 01:24 AYURIS: Bey...

Much talk of animals this week, what with wombats and mass animal harvesting in Stroganov. Mark's experience was that despite covering many hot-button issues in his medical ethics classes, the one that invariably produced the most voluble emotional responses was that of medical testing on animals. Pit Bull owners, in particular; despite there being no medical testing of the type discussed on Pit B...

We celebrate the release of a palindrome episode with the glorious news of the return of SHUX, the Shut Up & Sit Down Expo. Perhaps more relevantly, SVWAG are invited guests! Both Mark and Walker will be in Vancouver from September 30th to October 2nd. Now that you know where they will be, you can more efficiently avoid them. Or you could go play a game with them, whatevs.02:54 AYURIS: Tidal Blade...

It's a weird little thematic disconnect when you're not sure who or what your avatar in-game is. Perhaps we have swallowed corporate personhood so fully that we can easily accept playing as a corporation but balk a little at an amorphous group of power brokers--or a faceless protagonist channeling tree spirits. Games Played Last Week:01:51 -The Great Wall (Kamil 'Sanex' Cieśla, Robert Plesowicz, &...

Enjoy the works of Thomas Lehmann while you can! Despite the lack of player interaction of Dice Realms, Mr. Lehmann has violated local, provincial, and federal law by not supplying a solo mode. International treaty has also been flouted by the absence of a campaign. I fear he may be put in boardgame jail as a consequence. Can he build a tableau convincing enough as his defence? His attorney, Dr. G...

Mark had to reign himself in considerably this week, what with the song temptations of the Talking Heads followed by his favourite torch song teased by Welcome to the Moon. He also tried to workshop a Gourds of Atlantis joke, but responses were--to put it mildly--not encouraging. It wasn't a total loss, as he managed to sneak in some Norse mythology in Telestrations. So that's... something. Games...