So Very Wrong About Games

"This here's a jam for all the gamers Tryin' to do what those rulebooks offer Get shot down 'cause you're overzealous Take too long, opponents get jealous Ok, smarty, go to a party Games are on the menu for everybody You wanna play a game that's more complexer But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter A game is laid out, one not played out The options unfold and your mind just spins...

Just before Mark is de-platformed, he would like to remind the SVWAG audience of two very important facts. First, he is but a man shouting into a can, and just because he doesn't like the thing you like doesn't make either less worthy of respect, dignity, and chocolate. He is willing to accept the possibility that he's Playing It Wrong and/or Doesn't Get It and/or needs to Git Gud and/or is just i...

A review of So Very Wrong About Games, not actually by Werner Herzog: "To listen to SVWAG is to court madness. One host is beholden to the delusion that if he utters sufficient words in a short period of time he may stave off his inevitable death, whereas the other grapples with the false consciousness of refusing to acknowledge life's meaninglessness. Collectively their banter serves as a cruel r...

Dexterity games, dismissed by many in the board game world as children's toys (whereas, by contrast, we laud them as children's toys), can offer a unique window into the player's soul. A fine dexterity game is a crucible in which one's true character emerges. Are you an assertive, grandiose table-hog capable of great feats but undone by hubris? Are you a small-minded, plodding dilettante lacking i...

There's no time no time at all we must get to the games there's been so many all the time one after another hurry hurry we must get to all of the games 01:26 AYURIS: Riftforce (Carlo Bortolini, 1 More Time Games, 2021) Games Played Last Week: 03:07 -Septima (Robin Hegedűs, Mindclash Games, 2023) 10:42 -White Castle (Israel Cendrero & Sheila Santos, Devir Games, 2023) 16:25 -Paku Paku (Antoine Bauz...

The shift from Beckett references to low-grade puns might strike one as jarring, but it is important to note that both hosts have essentially been twelve going on sixty for most of their lives. If it's not juvenile and/or obscure, it is difficult for the hosts to process--they become disoriented and frightened. In such circumstances, a nice Star Control II reference will probably calm them down. H...

One has to be careful in buffet situations. There are so many options, and you are pulled in so many different directions. You must differentiate the false urgency from the genuinely pressing, and it is a test of your evaluation and timing skills to successfully navigate your priorities. What to do, and when? How much of what? If you fail to make the wise choices, you might not get through the des...

"'Well, I remember it as though it were an episode ago' Said Walker the Host as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter May have nestled its way into his mighty throat Many a poor design had met its demise while staring point-blank down The cavernous barrel of this awesome critical machine Truly a wonder of nature, this urban gamer Walker the Host had many a story to tell And it was a freq...

On October 27th, 1962, a man named Vasili Arkhipov saved the world. Literally. Had he not stood up to his commanding officer and refused to launch a nuclear warhead during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the resulting retaliations would have obliterated all human life. Probably the marmosets and gibbons, too. We here at SVWAG think the man deserves a holiday in his honour, especially given that we all o...

"Somethin' tells me it's all happening at the zoo I do believe it I do believe it's true The monkeys stand for honesty Giraffes are insincere And the elephants are kindly but they're dumb Orangutans are skeptical Of changes in their cages And the zookeeper is very fond of rum Zebras are reactionaries Antelopes are missionaries Pigeons plot in secrecy And hamsters turn on frequently What a gas, you...

It's all Fat Bear Week and puns this week, both of which share one important characteristic--they have distended, pendulous bellies. Wait, that wasn't it. It's that they are both to be respected for their power and danger. Those people you hear about who try to live with bears always suffer the same fates as the serial deployers of puns, in that they are both found dead and alone.  Games Played La...

We turn to yet another discussion of important issues in boardgaming, this time  WE INTERRUPT YOUR SILLY EPISODE NOTES FOR A SERIOUS ANNOUNCEMENT It is fat bear week! The possibility of a US federal government shutdown has been averted, and thus the voting public (even foreigners, we won't tell) may vote on which lorge bois of the ursine variety shall take the prize! For those uninitiated, the US...

Any old person could consult Wikipedia, but only the true elite tune in to SVWAG to hear Walker summarize random boat-related articles for them. It's a power move to rival even the most outrageous exploits of the viking peoples.  Games Played Last Week: 00:50 -Faeries & Magical Creatures (Glenn Drover, Foridden Games, 2023) 05:27 -Dogfight! (Carlo A. Rossi, PSC Games, 2023) 09:48 -Ceylon (Chris Zi...

We return to the bizarre cant of Letterkenny, invoking specifically the term "ferda," which is a contraction of "for the boys/girls." It is a great way to punctuate a sentence, especially if you do not wish to be understood--but that is true of all cant. Relatedly, if you haven't already, please do peruse our own glossary on sowronggames.com! We are not above our own cant, especially given our pen...

Walker and Huey voted to end the game early, but there were then procedural questions as to whether that warranted a runoff in the French Presidential style. Chip III repeated his preference for a ranked-choice voting system, but he couldn't decide whether his second choice was a single transferable vote or first past the post. Meanwhile, Mark gerrymandered the rest of the table into one sprawling...

No cats were harmed during the recording of this episode. Official SVWAG cat Chandler (aka Potato aka Chan-Chan aka The Chan-Man) had his dignity challenged when Mark laughed at his strange partially-shaved body, but we don't think that counts. Official SVWAG dog Bruno (aka The Dog) resents human non-walk activities, but again, that probably doesn't count. The editorial gibbons and the HR gibbons...

I was originally going to riff on Ginsberg's Howl, but I confess I had completely forgotten what a monster of a piece it is--redolent in imagery and references that are very much of a time since past. I considered then moving on to Nelson's On the Road Again, and faced the opposite problem--man, that song has some simple lyrics. I guess Shelley and Shakespeare are the sweet spot. 01:24 AYURIS: Pra...

As a certain talk-show huckster was wont to say, we train people how to treat us. Without absolving other people of their own responsibility, we can nonetheless take a certain amount of responsibility for entirely predictable reactions to our own decisions. "Don't feed the troll," goes the internet wisdom, and wise it is--Mark routinely fails to heed that good advice in the face of taunting by Wal...

David Hume argued that all ideas are either simple or complex, and that in turn all complex ideas are merely composed of simple ideas. He wasn't a huge fan of some of those complex ideas; he used the example of a chimera, where you take a lion, a snake, and a goat (three simple ideas, but we can quibble with that later if you like) and smush them all together to get a complex idea. Hume was scepti...

There was A Time Before. Historians no doubt will soon abandon the antiquated notions of BCE and CE, and will instead resort to the infinitely more practical Pre-SVWAG and Post-SVWAG eras. In the dim and distant past of Pre-SVWAG, people had the audacity to release games before we could weigh in on them officially. Whether this was borne of opportunism, undue haste, or some other impulse we will n...

Perhaps the greatest lingering question is how and why the Ethnos fantasy races were translated into academic professions for Archeos Society's re-theme. Apparently dwarves (Ethnos) are analogous to photographers (Archeos Society), and orcs (orc board!) are akin to curators. Odd. Halflings into students seems appropriately condescending.  As much as the comparison stings, though, I can't teally ob...

Some randomness is accepted nearly uncritically by many gamers. Conventional deckbuilders have exceptionally high variance as a rule, but no one bats an eye. We accept that anything martial might have mixed results, even after repeated attempts--in fact, many protest when the wound-making is too deterministic. Tiles from a bag? Sure. The instant that locomotion is involved, though, your typical ga...

We offer to you a sampler, a little smorgasbord, a variety platter of content from our Patreon. We hope this will placate you in light of our absence last week. If you'd like more, you can of course support us on Patreon. Only if you want to, though. We'll still be wrong either way. www.patreon.com/SVWAG 03:46 Pledge of Indifference 2023-07-06 Audio (we also publish a video version) 03:56 Shipwrig...

While we pride ourselves on editorial standards here at SVWAG, we have no shame when it comes to pandering. We thus present to you the episode of SVWAG with the most cat discussion yet. The good news is that Chandler (aka Chan-Chan aka Potato aka SVWAG Cat) is doing extremely well. Could a co-host stint be far behind? Perhaps a guest appearance by Bruno (aka SVWAG Dog)? Whatever we think the marke...

Two crowdfunding campaigns stand before you. One only tells lies, the other only tells the truth. Both claim to be innovative and to be able to deliver on time. How do you decide which one to back? Or wait, a crowdfunding campaign launches but during the funding period every individual component is replaced by a new one; is it the same campaign? Or wait, there are five crowdfunding campaigns on on...