Simon Ager

This is a little song I wrote in June 2026. Here are the words: Your train is late don't get in a state please patiently wait for another up-date There are leaves on the line and worms in the wine and the train can't climb a small incline There are wires down all over town and the wifi's weak and the seats squeak There are swans on the track eating flapjacks and geese in a pack planning an attack...

This is a little ditty I wrote in April 2026 inspired by ways to say that someone has lost their marbles (gone crazy) in French such as perdre le nord (to lose the north). The recording features me singing and playing the tenor ukulele. The chords are Dm, Gm, A7. Here are the words: Il a perdu le nord, et le sud, l'est et l'ouest He has lost the north, and the south, east and west Il a perdu la bo...

This is a song I wrote in March 2026 based on the saying 'to throw in the towel', and other ways to say that you give up, quit, etc. The accompaniment is played on the baritone ukulele using E, A and B7 chords. Here are the words: However hard you try to reach for the sky You might just fail and want to bail But there's no need to flap or flail Maybe it's not your hour to blossom and flower you ne...

This is a little song I wrote in Feburary 2026 for no particular reason. It's about feeling frustrated that you're not managing to do the things you want to do, and the internal and external pressures that might be holding you back. Here are the words: What's holding you back? Is it the things that you lack or the things that you wish you had? What's bothering you? Is it the things you can't do or...

This is a song I wrote in October 2025 based on the saying 'when the cat's away, the mice will play', and similar sayings in other languages. Here are the words: When the cat's away the mice will play they'll play all day or so they say They'll play cards in the kitchen and poker in the pantry and dice on the deck and ludo in the loft When the cat's in France The mice will dance They'll dance a ji...

This is a song I wrote in August 2025 based on the phrase 'it's all Greek to me' and other ways to say that something is incomprehensible in various languages. This recording was made by me, and features me singing and playing the tenor and baritone ukuleles, shaky egg and kazoo. The Greek phrases you hear at the beginning of the track are ways to say that something is not understood in Greek (gen...

This is a song I wrote in June/July 2025 for no particular reason. It plays with the word discombobulation, which means an embarrassing feeling that leaves a person confused, or a confused or disorderly state, and was coined in the USA some time in the early 19th century. This recording features me on vocals, guitar, cavaquinho, descant recorder, tenor recorder and (GarageBand) drums. Here are the...

This is a song I wrote and recorded in June 2025 based on the phrase 'pie in the sky', which refers to something unobtainable, and comes from a 1911 song by the American labour leader Joe Hill (1879–1915), which includes the line: ‘Work and pray, live on hay, You'll get pie in the sky when you die’. https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/pie+in+the+sky Here are the words: If you fly up high and open...

This song is about minding gaps that I wrote in May 2025. You can hear announcements advising you to 'mind the gap' on trains and stations in the UK, especially on the London Underground. Here are the words: Mind the gap between the train and the platform Mind the gap between the plane and the ground Mind the gap between the boat and the dock Mind the gap between the cart and the horse Chorus Mind...

This is a little song I started writing in November 2024, and finished and recorded in March 2025. Here are the words: Chorus What are you waiting for? Oh What are you waiting for? Just walk through the door and go and explore. Oh, what are you waiting for? If you're waiting for the right time If you're waiting for the right rhyme, you'll be waiting a while and it could be a trial so why not go fo...

This is a song I started working on in November 2024 and finished in March 2025. It was inpsired by hearing a friend talking about llamas and pyjamas, as you do. In the recording, I accompany myself on the baritone ukulele using the chords A, D and E. There are llamas in pyjamas on a beach in the Bahamas eating blue bananas and sitting in the sun There are alpacas with maracas down in old Caracas...

This is a song I wrote in October 2024 about all the pesky terms & conditions that few of us ever read, and even fewer understand. Here are the words. The chords are Dm, A and Gm. Terms & conditions apply, and with them you must comply. You've ticked the box, you've signed your name, you've read them all, or so you claim, but we all know that's a lie, and terms & conditions apply. If the things th...

I wrote this song in August and September 2024 inspired by some rather heavy rain that we enjoyed during that time. Here are the words: When cats and dogs fall from the sky And you don't know the reason why Don't you worry, don't you cry It won't last forever, and that's no lie Chorus It's just a bit of precipitation and not a cause for consternation It might be a reason for celebration And that's...

This is a song in the style of a sea shanty that I came up with in May 2024 for no particularly reason. Here are the words: On a wet and windy day in the month of May We set sail across the bay In fine sailing ship called the Bonnie Bonnie Bee Filled with cake and rum and cats and tea Chorus Horo we're off to sea To see what we can see and be Horo we're sailing free in the Bonnie Bonnie Bee We sai...

This is a silly little ditty I came up with in March 2024 while noodling around with the word noodle. I'm just noodling away quite happily and nothing can get in my way I could noodle all day down by the bay and noodle all through the night Will you noodle with me down by the sea? Will you noodle along the shore? Will you noodle and moodle and all that caboodle? We'll have a lot of fun you'll see...

This is a song based on the sentence 'Colorless green ideas sleep furiously', which was coined by the linguist Noam Chomsky in his 1957 book, "Syntactic Structures", to demonstrate that a sentence can be grammatically correct, but semantically nonsensical. I started writing it in May 2023, then forgot about. I came back to it in January 2024, and finished writing and recording it in February 2024....

This is a little ditty I came up with in October 2023 based on the saying 'the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence'. Here are the words: The Other Side The grass is greener or so it seems and the sun never sets at least in your dreams Chorus On the other side On the other side Things seem better on the other side The trees look taller from where you stand and problems seem small...

This is a song I wrote in September 2023 inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Scottish Gaelic lessons on Duolingo. It's in the style of a waulking song, a type of song that was traditionally sung in Scotland while women were waulking tweed cloth. This involved pounding it on a table to shrink it and make it more watertight. Songs helped pass the time and gave a rhythm to the w...

This song came to me in August 2023 when I was playing with words related to stuff and nonsense. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele. The chords are Bm, Fm and Em. Here are the lyrics: There's so many people With so much to say No matter what you do They'll say it anyway It's all stuff and nonsense With not a fact in sight They spout it all day And all through the n...

This is a little song I wrote in August 2023. Here are the lyrics: Farewell, Farewell It's time to go Goodbye, Goodbye It's time to fly So long so long It's time to run So find your goat And get your coat Cheerio, cheerio It's the end of the show The bell has rung And the large lady has sung The curtains are down And seats are up So find your toad And hit the road Toodle-oo, toodle-oo No time to s...

This is a little about time song I wrote in July 2023. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone ukulele (the chords are D, G and A), and you can hear one of my clocks at the beginning (with a few effects added). Here are the words: Time is a flowing It just keeps on going And nothing or no one Can make it stop There's never enough To do all the stuff That we need And want to do...

Here's a little song I wrote in June 2023 for no particular reason. This recording features me singing and playing the baritone and tenor ukueles. The chords are D G A and A7. Here are the words: A little patience, a little patience Can help you through your day Just count to ten, and take a breath If things aren't going your way. Life can be tough and the road can be rough But patience can smooth...

This is a little ditty I came up with in May 2023. The original plan was to make a song based on interjections like er, um, oh and so on, Then I decided to add other words to make it more interesting. The tune came to me as I was playing around with some chords. on the uke. In this recording all the instrumental parts are played on the baritone ukulele. Here are the words: ho ha hey Let's dance an...

Here's a little song I wrote in Scottish Gaelic in April 2023. I was inspired by some of the silly phrases that come up in the Gaelic course on Duolingo, which often feature Iain and Màiri. Here are the words and a translation: Seist Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Thoir an aire, tha Iain a' tighinn Thoir an aire, thoir an aire Tha Iain rùisgte is tha e a' tighinn Ghoid Màiri a drathais Ghoid Màiri a...

This is a little song that came to me one night in March 2023. Here are the words: What do you do when the world's all askew and everything's out of its place? Nothing is right and try as you might You just can't stand the pace. Chorus Upside-down and downside up Back to front and front to back Inside out and outside in It puts you in a spin. What do you do when your life's in a stew and nothing i...