Should We Get Married? with Maxson and Emily

After months of discussions with friends, family, strangers, and experts, Maxson and Emily have made a decision. And, we are announcing it here in our final episode! To all of you who have been a part of our journey, thank you. We are so grateful and happy.

We talk to Rob Schuham, a friend and author, about how he gave up 90% of his net worth to his ex-wife in his divorce more than 20 years ago. He walks us through the arc of his relationship, explaining how he ignored tensions early on while convincing himself that living together, getting engaged, and then getting married would somehow resolve deeper incompatibilities. After this emotional and fina...

We talk to Rabbi Ben Spratt, Emily's beloved family rabbi, about the Jewish idea that restriction is what makes something sacred: that you haven't really made a choice until you've also chosen what you're not going to do. He also tells us about some "Epic Jewish Stuff" like Onah, a 1,600-year-old Talmudic law obligating husbands to sexually pleasure their wives. At th...

We talk to Archie, a substance abuse counselor, nationally ranked yo-yoer, and the son of Isabel from Episode 4. He has eight divorces in his immediate family, including his own parents'. He tells us about going through addiction and recovery programs, and how lucky he was to have all of his parents and step-parents showing up for him during treatment. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Em...

We try out getting married to each other with a ceremony - vows and all - put together by Nico Raineau, professional wedding officiant, who we first spoke with back in Episode 8. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily reflect on how the experience changed how they feel about getting actually married.

We talk to Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others , about the importance of "platonic life partners" - friends that you love with a depth and domesticity that mirrors romantic partnership. She tells us how she and her husband structured their life to include communal living with other couples, and her advice to anyone considering marriage: to stop worrying about convention,...

We talk to Bridget, Emily's freshman year college roommate and the show's first listener-turned-guest, who reached out after hearing the couples therapy episode and had notes. Bridget has been with her husband for 12 years, and her take is direct: if you're not sure you want to be together forever, don't get married. She also drops a spicy opinion - that couples who “need” coup...

We talk to Nico Raineau, a professional wedding officiant, who takes notes on our love story as he prepares a mock wedding ceremony for us. We learn about the unusual world of wedding officiants, we describe our weird and distinctly un-vibey first date, a surprise kiss in the rare books section of a bookstore, and Hinge-gate: the first big moment where we had to really assess our relationship. At...

We talk to John J. Lennon, a self-taught writer who has been incarcerated at Sing Sing Prison for 24 years. John has been married twice to women he fell in love with through handwritten letters. He tells us what conjugal visits are like, who gets access to them, and their surprising origin. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily ask each other if they’d stay in a relationship if one of them w...

We talk to Karen Gordon, our couples therapist, about the health of our actual relationship. We've been seeing her for over three years, and in some ways, she knows us better than our friends and family. We talk with her about our conflict cycle, specific issues we've worked with her on in the past, and the issues we are working with her on now. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emil...

We talk to Miles and Elektra, a legally married polyamorous couple, about what marriage means when it's not grounded in sexual exclusivity. They make the case that non-monogamy actually strengthens their commitment: loving others keeps their lives fresh, and building their marriage on shared values instead of exclusivity gives them a sturdier foundation when conflict arises. We also learn tha...

We talk to Julia Funke, an immigration lawyer, about if getting married will help Emily get Maxson's EU citizenship. We also talk about the "love test," which is how the government figures out if you have a real relationship and sometimes involves sending more-than-intimate texts from your personal life to an immigration officer. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily go throug...

We talk to Isabel Gillies, a mother of two whose first husband fell in love with someone else, about whether marriage actually prevents couples from breaking up. She shares her theory that everyone has multiple soulmates over the course of a lifetime, and you are going to meet some of them after  you get married. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily get real: what's our actual game pla...

We ask Deb, a trauma nurse, if it's true that you can be blocked from entering the emergency room to visit your partner if you aren't legally married. We also talk about who gets decision-making priority if you are on life support. She tells us a heart wrenching story from her early days in the ER that prompted her to reverse her take on marriage with her then-boyfriend, and they went th...

We talk to Esme, a 12-year-old, and her dad PF, about their unusual family structure. Esme’s parents were never legally married, so we get to ask her: what was that like? Did you feel like your parents were more likely to break up? Any issues while traveling? And are you, Esme, interested in getting married yourself one day? And much more.

Maxson and Emily are four years into dating, and our love is the real deal — we want to have kids and a family together. But getting legally married? That’s not as obvious to us, so we’re making a podcast where we figure it out with friends, family, experts, and ultimately, each other.