SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

Season 2 Episode 10:  Bane Teal’c loses his shit a little bit–like a little probably came out–when a giant bug lands on his back and delivers a dose of zika virus on a gajillion steroids and his DNA starts changing…think Brundle-Teal’c. Meanwhile Jack threatens a fellow Air Force Colonel with assault and murder several times, no big probably, because that guy is a certified douche knuckle. Sam is...

Season 2 E9: Secrets Sam and O’Neill are off to DC with Daddy Hammond because they won a prize from the president! Probably a plaque or small piece of etched glass or even one of those ribbon pins they wear. We find out Sam has a dad. He’s trash. Teal’c is bored so he goes to Abydos with Daniel and proceeds to bear witness to a real low point for human men. Daniel is a self-centered shit show. Mos...

Season 2 Episode 8:  Family The Gate Gang rush off to save the son of Teal’c, only to find that his wife has been replaced by a whole nother lady! No worries! Teal’c is still DTF and almost gets the whole gang killed for it. But all’s well that ends well if you consider getting that bratty little kid back from Apophis to be “well.” Also, it’s convenient that the false wife of Teal’c is freed up by...

Season 2 Episode 7: Message in a Bottle Anyone else have a Sting song stuck in their head now? This episode is really cool! It bests this plot as attempted by other shows, it looks cool, MacGyver cries like a real human man person, Teal’c proves to be hella more solid a friend than Chewbacca. Hey, should we start posting our descriptions on IMDB? Let us know at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com or in...

Season 2 Episode 6:  Thor's Chariot Yep, the Gate Gang destroyed Thor’s Hammer, a planetary protection device, to save their own asses, and then peace'd the fuck out without any thought given to consequences. This episode could be called Consequences Suffered by Less Privileged People that are a Direct Result of Actions of Privileged People to Benefit Themselves Only. I just feel like the Federati...

Season 2 Episode 5:  Need The gate gang is captured because of something Daniel does, then forced to mine un-obtainium or dilithium or whatever it’s called on this show, without food or rest while D acts like a real D by trading his teams’ lives for coke, a side piece, and fancy digs. He betrays fucking everyone, even his wife, who isn’t even there. A real Judas sitch. Episode ends with insufficie...

Season 2 Episode 4: The Gamekeeper If you love a good time loop, or any time loop really, then this episode's for you! Jack gets gaslighted as Teal'c observes, Problematic Daniel has his childhood trauma exploited for entertainment as Sam wears a weird blazer, and at some point archeologists used gas station carabiners to hoist large, stone-made shit. Someone--we’ll call him Fuckface McGee--has hi...

Season 2 Episode 3:  Prisoners What heroes! Imprisoned after a huge bullshit of a trial (for life!), the gang teams up with an inter-global sociopathic, uber evil doer to escape. They vet her less than McCain vetted Palin before giving her access to their entire base and computer system, leading to both her escape and her renewed reign of terror. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. TBF, that prison di...

Season 2 Episode 2: In the Line of Duty Sam makes out with a dying villager and he “bites her tongue” which I guess is some old fart slang for “inserts full crawdaddy into her face orifice” which I guess could be seggsual enough to just be my boring retitle. It’s good crawdaddy tho, because Sam is literally possessed by it. That’s at least one more than obsessed. Long story short, the crawdaddy di...

Season 2 Episode 1: The Serpent's Lair Oopsie Doodles, Sarah Compressed this Episode Into the Last Episode’s Description I mean, it’s fine. Just read the last one. Or remember it? It was just last week. Do people read these? Sarah never reads these on pods she listens to. Should she? Is she missing out big? Email her at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com to advise. Oh, and we made it Season Two!  Hurr...

SARAH WATCHES STARGATE THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME!     Join your intrepid hosts Tory and Sarah as they Mystery Science Theater 3000 about half of this movie before getting wasted on Gin, Jiffy Pop, and 5th Avenue bars and forget what they’re doing! Play and pause instructions given, so watch along with us the best Kurt Russell and worst James Spader movie ever!   We'll be back with Season Two ne...

Season 1 Episode 21:  Within the Serpent's Grasp Oh no but also thank gawd, Apophis chose someone the Gate Gang knows to host his son; because otherwise this show would be 100% over. Oh no but also thank gawd, Sam set the timer for a way too long 24 hours (woot!) giving the Gang just enough time to achieve the very best outcome. Oh no but also thank gawd, Problematic Daniel must be left behind on...

Season 1 Episode 19: Politics This’ll be good, even if, as The Real Title Suggests, It’s Bad: OK, so for no apparent reason other than tension and a ballooning future budget and program, someone wants to shutter the SGC. Senator Kinsey gets all up in the SGC biz like he’s the only senator in the world, like he’s Joe Manchin, like he’s Kyrsten Sinema. That kind of vibe. It really plays against Dani...

Season 1 Episode 19: There but For the Grace of God Trapped in an alternate dimension, Dr. Daniel Jackson learns that everyone there has more hair. Everyone except for Baby Brother Hammond. ----more---- 00:00 - Intro 4:20 - 24 Seconds 6:04 - Recap 56:51 - Were We Comforted 57:19 - Yeh Neh or Meh 1:01:23 - Next Episode 1:02:43 - Nonexistent Sponsors 1:03:22 - Get To Know Your Hosts  

Season 1 Episode 18:  Tin Man Cumtryah Mother Fuckers! The Gate Gang is being all weird. Turns out they’re robut copies of themselves. Creepy. This show is major on body horror, because the robuts think they’re people, LOL! Anyhoo, that’s not even the amazing or unbelievable part. The real suspension of disbelief comes in when we’re all asked to accept that these robut doubles are left functional...

Season 1 Episode 17:  Solitudes OOOOOooooo! We’re surprised that ice cave isn’t turned into a steam cave! Sparks fly between Captain Doctor Carter and MacGyver because they think they’re about to die on a mysterious ice cave planet with a dial home device buried in summa that ice! O’Neill is too wounded for things to get out of hand with is a good thing, because they’re on the ice-cavey part of EA...

Season 1 Episode 16:  Enigma The Gate Gang saves a group of highly advanced human-looking aliens. In an effort to “alienate” them, Carter gives the sexy one a cat*. But then he introduces her to his people’s custom of lip pressing, but she already knows that one! Anyway, they’re like, our first useful ally. But they are rude as hell. *J/K, we here at SG-Fun love cats and dogs equally. ----more----...

Season 1 Episode 15: Cor-Ai Oh snap! Teal'c is going to have to answer for his war crimes as the First Prime of Apophis! Wait though, hasn’t he been clearing brush and painting pictures of horses and war veterans? Shouldn’t we just forgive, forget, and let him go? Loyalty to a loved character vs. loyalty to ideology all wrapped up in this one. ----more---- 00:00 -  Intro 2:21 - 24 Seconds 4:19 - R...

Season 1 Episode 14: Singularity So we strike the balance here with Carter being just girlie or motherly enough to bond with and save a rather uncharismatic little girl, but not so much that she doesn’t seem beast enough to soldier on with the Gate Gang. Hoo-mother fucking-ray. This is a child actor-heavy one, folks. ----more----00:00 - Intro 4:09 - 24 Seconds 5:52 - Recap 1:07:47 - Were We Comfor...

Season 1 Episode 13:  Hathor Deja Vu on the Dangerous Deity Pumper sitch. We learn all the men of Cheyenne Mountain are straight…and so are all the women (who think men are such ding dongs that they barely take seriously Goa’uld Hathor’s drugging, subjugating, and violating of the menfolk). Daniel breed giant prawns with Hathor, and good for him, as “maybe this is just how sex works in their cultu...

Season 1 Episode 12:  Fire and Water Probably too busy fucking her new pet, old man fiancee, Dr. Catherine Langford doesn’t even show up when Daniel is presumed dead on a confusing planet that is both fire and water. Daniel's in a real pickle with his team mistaking brain-tampering-induced PTSD for grief while he’s trapped by a tiny sea monster looking for his wife WHO HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 1000 YE...

Season 1 Episode 11: Bloodlines Talc has a son? And a wife? And he can sneak back to his planet to see them but never has? What a dick. His wife does not stay mad enough, even after stabbing him. Also, never drink Daniel’s coffee.   Also, SG Fun has Evolved!  Now with ACTUAL Audio Equipment!  No more wondering if Tory and Sarah are talking through Casio Compact Headsets through Phone Modems from 1...

Season 1 Episode 10: The Torment of Tantalus How long must one be trapped in a wave-crashed cave before one becomes an Always Nude, a naturalist? How long, really, before one throws oneself into the sea? Longer than we’d think! Something like 50 ridiculous years! Catherine, please accept this naked and confused old man as a token of the SGC’s appreciation for fucking completely off forever. ----mo...

Season 1 Episode 9:  Thor's Hammer The Team seeks to build a group of planets united against a common enemy, The Goooold; A federation of sorts, if you will. It doesn’t go great, especially for Talc, of course. WILL OUR HEROES ALL MAKE IT OUT OF THOR’S SHITTY DISNEYLAND LABYRINTH RIDE ALIVE AND FULLY INTACT? Alternate alternate title: Thor’s Hammered. Your hosts got pretty wasted, pretty fast for...

Season 1 Episode 8: Brief Candle Some of the team gets their fuck on, others on the team suck their teeth in jealous disapproval. It’s babies having babies all over the place and also Jack catching the literal worst STI yet discovered. We can’t believe this doesn’t happen ALL THE TIME in SciFi!  ----more---- 00:00 - Intro 3:52 - 24 Seconds 5:19 - Recap 1:03:10 - Were We Comforted 1:05:32 - Yeh Neh...