Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

It's all rosy, dreamy, and forever in the beginning...until it's not! You try and try to recapture interest, regain emotional intimacy, and re-examine every inch of your mental, physical, emotional self, and still the connection is intermittent. That's because narcissists--all Hijackals--create situationships NOT relationships. You NEED the clarity of this distinction to really accept the realitie...

Having a Hijackal adult child is confusing, infuriating, disappointing, and frustrating among many other things. (And, it's worse when your child creates children!) What you DON'T do is as important as what you do. Listen to this episode to hear 21 things to think about right away. If you can refrain from doing these 21 things, you'll be empowered and no longer feel like a hostage to the Hijackal'...

You may not think about it like that, AND, it's true. Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers. Whether the revenge is subtle or obvious, small or huge, it's still revenge. Once you see what I mean, you'll see it clearly in your relationship...and, I hope you won't un-see it! It's nasty. Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong you think they caused you. Hijackals®...

You can get terrible stuck--for a very long time--by buying into a partner's potential. You can see how it could be, so you hope it will be. There's the mistake. See the differences today so you can make healthier decisions right away. Open your mind to the idea that you keep buying into promises that never materialize. Is that possible? When you step back and look at the patterns, it's often the...

It's confusing. You see what you think are loving behaviors. Then, you start wondering, but give a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Then, you're in a pattern where things have gone lop-sided, pear-shaped, and somewhat south before you realized that you've confused being used for being loved. SO IMPORTANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE! Listen in. You SO want to believe it is love. I understand that, ho...

Insults are a low, low form of expressing disagreement. Not strange that narcissists stoop that low, is it? Their incessant NEED to win means they will go low in hopes of winning quickly. Sad & nasty! Insults only show emotional immaturity. Think of the playground. Insults are the arguments employed by those who are in the wrong, said the philosopher, Rosseau. SO TRUE of narcissistic Hijackals...

You want a best friend and a narcissist won't be one. You want a confidante and a narcissist uses your words against you. At best, Hijackals® are frenemies. You're unsafe around them. You feel the lack of safety, but sometimes you don't want to admit it. You recognize the friend/foe nature of them, and don't want it to be so. Listen in to why it is important to recognize that frenemies is as close...

Sure, narcissistic folks can be charming when you meet them. You just don't know what's lurking in the background, right? It can happen quickly that Hijackals® go from charming to manipulative, but it may take a while to catch on to what's going on. Basically, though, they are awkward, angry, and argumentative. In this episode, I talk about what "awkward" really means, and why it applies so well t...

In healthy situations, you would never think that empathy and compassion could have downsides, right? When you're with a Hijackal, a narcissistic, or other endlessly difficult person, you can find that you've stepped over into some strange land where empathy and compassion cause you to suffer. SO IMPORTANT to recognize when too much is too much and it's hurting you. You'll also benefit from the ti...

A BIG complaint I hear so often is that the partner of a narcissistic person--a Hijackal®--is blowing up their phone...daily. It's such a sign of things going sideways, and it slides into that territory too easily! How do you know when it's too frequent? Too unreasonable? Too disrespectful? Then, what can you do about it? Listen in. This is basic to your well-being....and, more importantly, your s...

It is natural to want to be loved and love. We organically want to belong. Absolutely! It's healthy, too. However, narcissistic people and all Hijackals excel at manipulating you and your feelings for their own purposes. You give and give, and still it's not enough. Then, they tell you that their poor treatment of you is not abuse, it's because you're inadequate. (Sad.) Not true. You are being use...

Ever feel your head spin when you're trying to express your feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs to a Hijackal? Of course, you have. That's because they are masters of this phenomena know as WhatAboutIsm or WhatAboutery. It's a powerful defense and deflection strategy narcissists use to confuse! Learn what it sounds like because you already know what it feels like. When you recognize it and name it...

People ask so often: Do narcissists and other HIjackals know that they are being mean, difficult, coercive, dismissive, and more? You want to know. In this episode, I'll lay it out and explain it all, ONCE AND FOR ALL. Listen and take it in because knowing this answer can change your relationship forever. When you recognize what the narcissist or any other Hijackal does on purpose, you'll be affir...

Rigid thinking and what-about-ism are seriously linked. Know someone who is rigid in their thinking? They are RIGHT and that's all there is to it? And, if you don't agree with them, you're wrong...and, that there is something wrong with you? Hijackals® do that! Even entertaining your thoughts or feelings for a hot second is not on their playlist. Learn how pervasive this is so that you can clearly...

Maybe, you're too nice. You fawn. You'll do anything to keep the peace...or, at least, sidestep potential rage if you can. Peace at any price, you may say. Maybe, you find yourself fawning. (Hear more about that in the episode, too!) Emotional abusers appreciate fawning. It's easier for them and they don't care about you. ESSENTIAL to see these dynamics clearly if they are playing out in any relat...

Narcissistic people starve you in so many ways. Every now and again a narcissist--a Hijackal--is kind, offers a compliment, or shows interest in your feelings. THOSE ARE CRUMBS. You may be so starved that those crumbs feel like a feast. You make a big deal of it, and think the world has reset in your favor. NO! The Hijackal wants something from you and knows how to get it. It's important to s...

So infuriating! Endlessly frustrating! Trying to talk with a narcissistic person--or any Hijackal--can be crazy-making. It usually is if you dare to even remotely want to discuss the dynamics of your relationship. You've likely been upset by their purposeful misunderstanding of what you say, what you do, and what you want. Why do they do it? What can you do about it? Listen in. Hijackals--those re...

Are you exhausted by running after pleasing someone who seems dedicated to never being pleased? That's WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. That's the game. You do everything as right as you think they want it, and you are never rewarded by getting it right. Sound Familiar?  Narcissists and other Hijackals are looking for power, and one way they think works for this (because it usually does) is by withholdi...

... and that is unhealthy -- for YOU. Healthy relationships have equality, reciprocity, and mutuality. Toxic relationships do not. You will be coping tooooo much, and in balance tooooo little. Does that sound familiar? You could be giving your life away to a narcissist with nothing but promises in return. Listen in to this episode and find out what's true for you. To cope is defined as "to deal ef...

SO FRUSTRATING! When you are with a narcissist or any kind of a Hijackal, you know that they use these three tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Hijackals hate accountability, and will do anything to squirm out of it. They lie, delay, and deny. But why? You likely have many ideas about why and I wanted to give you others. Hopefully, these insights will help you to see the dep...

It's tempting. You may think you're being "nice." After a while, you're doing all the giving. Then, it's exhausting! Why does this dynamic happen? Why does it persist? What can you do to stop it? Listen in. In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, you may think you've found your perfect, ideal, longed for mater. Things shift. Things sour. Things take a turn and the narcissist--Hijacka...

Yes, narcissistic people are self-centered, but does the reverse hold true? Are self-centered people always narcissistic? Important distinctions here that can help you understand the troubling folks in your life. Or, do you think it's a distinction without a difference? Listen in and see what you discover.  In this episode, I offer you ten ways to see the differences between self-centered peo...

Hijackals insist you're not good enough...even though they chose you or gave birth to you. What's up with that!@##%%!? It's crazy-making and it's important to understand why this happens. And, why it continues throughout the relationship unless you change. It's not OK. This episode will help you clearly see through this crazy-making habit of emotional abuse: making you feel not good enough. It ser...

It's SO helpful to recognize the underlying resentments triggered in both a Hijackal AND their partner. Some may surprise you! Recognition leads to understanding which helps you to know your next best steps. Resentment is rife in all relationships with Hijackals...on both sides, too. You may feel it. Now, explore why and what's under that. Why? So you move forward wisely. Both Hijackals--those rel...

Don't Lose or Abandon Yourself! Narcissistic people want all the attention as well as all the air in the room, right? You can find yourself giving it to them in hopes of them treating you better or liking/loving you more. Turn this around. Listen in to why you need to turn the focus on yourself and turn away from trying to please the narcissist. This episode is very specifically focused on your re...