Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Who wants to live in a pressure cooker? No one goes out and says, "I want to live with anxiety, hyper-vigilance, stress, and uncertainty. Give me that relationship!" Well, no one who cares about themselves does, right? Today, I'm using the contrasts between a slow cooker and a pressure cooker to highlight just what I mean. Most of us have one or the other--maybe, both--in our kitchens. We know wha...

Oh, more pressure! Somehow, the idea is often promoted that you're supposed to be best, most, top, smartest, most effective, most productive, most involved, ever-present parent...in order to be good enough! NO! NO! NO! Who really told you that you're supposed to be a "SuperMom?" Who's deciding that? Do you value what they're up to or how they live? Do you--should you--care what others think? Have...

In a previous episode, I promised to create an episode on my fundamental, absolute MUST-HAVES for a healthy relationship with another adult. Here it is! Whether that relationship is with your partner (most important), your parent, sibling, or adult children, these three things must be present or you are going to have pain, distress, stress, and resentment. Not good ingredients for a relationship y...

Big leap from Trekkies and Six Days in Roswell to making a film called 'The Truth About Marriage ?" I asked Roger Nygard about his fascination with seemingly impossibly deep subjects , and why marriage was his next plunge. You may be surprised by his response. Roger Nygard is obsessed with unraveling mysteries . Marriage can certainly be one, right? Curiosity, he believes, is our nature, and he en...

Being with a #Hijackal is relentlessly difficult, for sure. Watching how the Hijackal treats your children can be heartbreaking. Today's episode offers insights into the dynamics of having a #Hijackal parent, AND of being the other parent with one. IT'S DIFFICULT! Children look to each parent as the source of their value, for validation that they deserve to take up space and draw breath on this ea...

Ever feel stuck? Try as you might to get your leg out of the emotional muck, the next leg sinks in again? Did something happen long ago that still haunts and harasses you today? In this episode, you'll learn about where memories, fears, anxieties, and trauma are stored and how you can clear out that storage. Get some insights on clearing emotional clutter. Many current relationship issues stem fro...

During the self-isolating shutdown, domestic violence has increased greatly. Hopefully, that will draw attention to the many people who need to be safer than they are. Unfortunately, the women and men who are being emotionally abused-- experiencing emotional domestic violence- -will once again go unnoticed. A BIG PROBLEM! Emotional domestic abuse on its own doesn't come with visible choke marks, b...

What do you think the balance is between trust and fear? Is there one? How do you create it? You'll need that to be emotionally resilient, especially after emotional abuse. Susan Dascenzi talks about emotions as "energy in motion," a new idea to consider in light of her explanation, for sure. This changes things! Susan has walked through many things as a six-time survivor of sexual assault . She b...

Still stuck with too much time up close and personal with a #narcissistic #Hijackal? That can be so difficult! They can be such emotional vampires, sucking energy out of every room. And, you end up getting way too much exercise walking on eggshells! This is the third in this Housebound With A Hijackal . In previous parts of this series, I've suggested never poke a #Hijackal . That just makes sense...

Sometimes, we play small. We hide out. Sometimes, we get into relationships that want to control us, to overshadow us, to keep us small. AND, sometimes, we just get an irresistible new idea of what is possible and we allow ourselves to run with it. GOOD NEWS: If any of those are true for you, you'll be inspired by this conversation with Lisa Cherney , and motivated to look at what's possible for y...

Still being housebound with a #Hijackal during this difficult time? Even after things go back to somewhat normal and the #Hijackal in your house returns to work, you'll be in better shape if you follow these practices now. If your #Hijackal works from home all the time, you'll find these strategies useful. However, they won't solve the chronic stress and anxiety caused by the need to be hyper-vigi...

So much information online and in the media right now about the coronavirus! How do you know what to believe? How do you know what to do to stay safe and healthy in the face of coronavirus? My guest today, Dr. Dave Vigerust, is a long-time infectious disease and preventative medicine specialist. I'm talking with him because you may well be cooped up with someone who is toxic , pushing your buttons...

Housebound with a #Hijackal? Did the first moment you realized that you might be quarantined with a Hijackal parent or partner send shivers through you? This is NOT THE TIME to try to work things out or point things out. Difficult though it may be, when you are 24/7 with a #Hijackal, that the time to be the coolest you have ever been! Difficult, toxic people freak easily. What do they do when they...

Left a relationship and wondering about re-entering the dating life ? Getting your courage to date again ? Afraid to step out, or choose wisely? Need encouragement and inspiration to be self-confident ? Karen Solomon offers some great ideas for Complete Communication that come from the key distinctions between men and women and how some specific, deliberate communication modalities will work for y...

If you're with a relentlessly difficult, toxic person (a #Hijackal), or were raised by one, it's likely you'll be feeling somewhat trapped, suffocated, limited, or held back. Let's start today to change that. FOMO! Lots of talk about FOMO these days: the Fear Of Missing Out. What are you missing out on just now? If it's love, freedom, possibilities, and joy, it's time to rethink, right? Today, I'm...

Hijackals, narcissists, and other toxic difficult people are mean. In tender moments, they make you feel safe to tell them your innermost secrets, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Then, they turn those into weapons! They laugh at you, make jokes about your insecurities in front of others, and exploit your vulnerabilities to their advantage. Sound familiar? Hijackals want to have the upper hand a...

Toxic people--emotional manipulators--have an absolute need to win. They NEED to have power over you in order to feel safe in their world. That's their problem. Don't make it yours. To get power over you, Hijackals are masters of emotional manipulation . And, they serve it up two ways: smooth or aggressive. Smooth approaches catch you off guard because you so want to believe them and enjoy the lov...

Key to recovery after emotional abuse is learning to care deeply about yourself again. Whether you call it self-esteem or self-love, it's essential to self-confidence. In today's episode, Dr. Audrey Hope and I have an in-depth conversation about finding that self-love to empower yourself to recover from abuse. That is the pathway to the power of self-validation! Sometimes, hearing the term " self-...

Hate and Humiliation often go together. ? #Hijackals--relentlessly difficult, toxic people--hate and humiliate to get the upper hand in relationships...AND to make you feel bad about yourself especially in front of other people. It’s nasty! Listen in to understand the double standards of enjoying watching other people be humiliated on Reality TV or Celebrity Roasts, yet hating to be the object of...

Dating? Getting back in the dating scene? Does it scare you these days? All this talk--and experience--of breadcrumb dating, ghosting, insecurity, toxicity, safety in relationships? My guest, Tracy Crossley, specializes in helping you to be aware of unhealthy dating patterns and how to change them. Breadcrumb dating needs to be recognized immediately and shut down. Learn today to save yourself unn...

Hooked on the rush of falling in love? Hooked on the feeling of not being able to get enough of another human? Wonder why you want to go running back to the nasty human you knew to leave? It's all about hormones at the most basic level. Your body has its own agenda. It wants you to not think too much so you'll have babies. Yes, I know that sounds a bit simplistic, but it's true. Your hormones go i...

"I know I'm being lied to, but I want it to be true." I hear that so often from clients. I understand that they are so hooked on hope that the person they fell in love with would never lie to them that they believe the lies. Often, they are so exhausted from being in a relationship with a #Hijackal that they don't have the energy to deal with the lying. In today's episode, I'm offering you ten sig...

#Hijackals manipulate. Therefore, Hijackals lie. Whether that #Hijackal is narcissistic , borderline , or anti-social , it doesn't matter. They will lie. Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic people--want the outcomes they want. Therefore, they deceive you. Deceiving you means causing you to believe something that is not true usually to gain some personal advantage . Typical of Hijackals,...

You've likely turned yourself into a pretzel to please a toxic person. That's what they want. You can stand on your head and spit wooden nickels for a decade, and you cannot please them beyond a hot minute when they really want something for you. Notice that! You were discarded. Not your idea. Not your choice. Not your timing. You're unhappy and focused on what you've lost. That's natural. BUT, yo...

You made it! You have ended the relationship with the toxic, difficult person, the #Hijackal! Good for you! You know what is best for you, and your family. It takes too long to be truly free from a #Hijackal . (I know because I help people do that all around the world via video conferencing.) And, you've done it. Or, you've at least moved away from the person physically. Your emotions may take awh...