The Irish Times

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Comedy EN ↓ 596 episodes

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Author

The Irish Times

Episodes

‘The judge tells us – in, like, legal language – to shut the fock up’ 26.03.2021 7:01

The old man tells the court he broke lockdown and refuses ‘to live under your mortial law!’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘We’re not a priority for the vaccine.’ ‘Even though we’re rich?’ 20.03.2021 5:54

Honor learns money can't buy everything as Ross and Sorcha purge their friend lists Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I urge you all – standing here, in the People’s Pork – to remove your masks!’ 12.03.2021 7:08

It’s a mask-off in Dún Laoghaire as the old man leads an anti-lockdown march Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Netflix is port of the conspiracy! A form of methadone’ 05.03.2021 6:31

Just google George Soros Molesworth Street and it’s all there! We have all been had... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘We can’t just dump all our rubbish in the front gorden, Sorcha' 26.02.2021 5:59

'Every single room in this house is haunted by the guilt of my failure’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Wuthering Heights is basically the story of my life" 19.02.2021 5:45

Ross likens his life to Heathcliff’s – especially when it comes to women Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

'After a year of being locked up together, we are sick and tired of the sight of each other’ 12.02.2021 6:14

‘You asked me the other night was I breathing louder than usual?’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Have you seen the chemtrails over Foxrock this morning?’ 05.02.2021 6:29

Sorcha loses it with Ross’s dad on Zoom when he discusses conspiracy theories Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I know every mork on the floor, the walls and the ceiling of this bor’ 29.01.2021 6:22

Every – I don’t know – significant thing that ever happened in my life has some association with Kielys of Donnybrook Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘75? What on earth makes you think I’m 75?’ 22.01.2021 6:53

‘They’re using the vaccine to force people to say they’re over 70 when they’d pass for 50’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Honor has been, like, homeschooling me’ 15.01.2021 6:20

I’ve never passed an exam in my entire life. I’m still driving on a provisional Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘The pressure of being the cool parent ends up being too much’ 08.01.2021 6:44

I stand up on a chair and I take down the three guns... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Do Dry January? That’s crazy talk’ 01.01.2021 6:21

No booze, swearing or sweets – Sorcha has new year’s resolutions for all the family Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I want a Christmas that Tony Holohan would approve of’ 18.12.2020 6:34

Sorcha is determined to stage a Christmas Day gathering that complies with safety guidelines Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘How much moo are we talking – for, like, midnight Mass in, say, Foxrock?’ 11.12.2020 6:44

Ronan is making a mint from black market Mass tickets until three wise men arrive Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘One of your Three Wise Men stuck his middle finger up at me’ 04.12.2020 6:10

All of a sudden I’ve got a woman asking me if I find food intolerances funny.. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The kitchen smells of rum. Either my old dear is over or Sorcha’s baking a Christmas cake 27.11.2020 6:10

Storting Christmas early could be good for our mental health... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I’ve storted a rumour Matt Damon wants to build a house on Coliemore road’ 20.11.2020 6:23

I just want him to see what people from Dalkey are really like. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Honor was walking around with the blond wig and Make America Great Again sweatshirt’ 13.11.2020 5:52

‘It’s like The West Wing when Jed Bortlet had to step down and John Goodman became president’ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Where is Flavian Way, anyway? It actually sounds more Glenageary than Dalkey?’ 07.11.2020 6:46

There’s no trick-or-treating this Halloween, but the trolls seem to be out in force. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘You can’t end a relationship with someone by climbing out the window’ 07.11.2020 6:07

I’m not 100% keen on Honor driving, mainly because she’s 14, has no licence, tax or insurance Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I can hear the old dear’s hysterical voice going, ‘Better men than you have eaten my one-pot stews!’ 23.10.2020 6:31

As Sorcha said, I shouldn’t have been throwing the old Gilbert around at her Ulysses fancy dress porty... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Johnny actual Sexton is at the front door’ 16.10.2020 6:19

I throw back the duvet, hop out of bed and step into my chinos, all in one fluid movement Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Ross,’ the old man goes, ‘I’m afraid I’ve made a dreadful mistake!’ 09.10.2020 6:02

Sounds like Sorcha’s old dear is driving the old man cuckoo in their Brittas Bay love nest Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Oh, right – you’re one of these maskier-than-thou people’ 02.10.2020 6:12

Talking to strangers on the doorstep is dangerous. Who knows what I might catch? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.