Romancing Nancy Drew

NED PROPOSES TO NANCY!!! Because it’s sweeps week! Ned’s home for summer break and Nancy doesn’t understand why he’s been ghosting her… and then he asks her to marry him. Nancy’s evil twin then announces that SHE is marrying Ned, in a shocking twist!!! My fix-it fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1736789

Nancy, Ned, Bess, and George head to Hawaii to find a missing 16-year-old girl and, in the process, are nearly killed in an engineered car crash, exploded, and thrown into a legit volcano! Nancy’s getting all hard-boiled up in here, y’all!

In which Nancy stumbles into a Regency-era extortion racket. Ned is super cute in this one, and they have hurt/comfort scenes! Also, a barn literally burns down. It’s all you’ve ever wanted, and more! (Is Felix a vampire, or just an aspiring pimp? Also food for thought.)

After Ned sets fire to the barbecue, spoiling his domestic-goddess cottagecore phase, he and Nancy drag Bess and George to a fancy French cooking school, where the head chef collapses during orientation and Nancy and Ned’s teacher, the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails, is discovered as a corpse-sickle in the walk-in. It’s up to the Fab Four to stop a dangerous killer, while occasionally breaking for...

Nancy’s hitting up Mardi Gras, y’all! Our fave sleuth (who just smiles and agrees when Bess calls her “the best sleuth,” which is such a weird word) heads to NOLA to both grab some beads AND snatch some sheets off some super casual ghosts. Ned pops up near the end and manages to get some tackling in, which he needs anyway. Many moonlight boat rides and even more casual racism! Welcome to flavor co...

Oh man. Nancy searches for a lost stained glass window, she and her cousin are menaced by Uncle Fester, and peacocks. So many peacocks. Also: any mail carrier who enters Nancy’s house is forfeiting retirement.

In which Nancy is accused repeatedly of being A WITCH! Nancy agrees to recover some stolen antique furniture, including some sweet George Washington-adjacent ones, and along with Bess and George tries to find a runaway Amish girl. Quilting, barn dances, giant muddy pits of doom, a small boy with a slingshot! This club’s got it all!!!

In which NANCY AND NED ARE MISTAKEN FOR AN ENGAGED COUPLE. My screaming lasts several minutes. Nancy is helping the Fontaines, a brother and sister who are refugees from Europe. They have been warned to leave town, OR ELSE. Nancy and her friends and future mother in law take over the siblings’ dancing school. Ned pretends he and Nancy are married. A farmhouse burns down. You know, normal things.

In which real life Disney Princess and friend to all animals Nancy Drew is given a mysterious horse-charm bracelet and decides to track down the destitute previous owner, gets choked out during a date with Ned (get your mind out of the gutter!), and trick rides horses like an absolute rock star. Also starring a Chekhov’s lion and L. Ron Hubbard, natch.

Ned gets hit by a car!!!! It happens when he’s coming to visit Nancy on a case, so she feels absolutely horrible about it. Nancy is investigating a disturbing event: Bess answered a personal ad and the guy she met was creepy and threatened her. Nancy heads to the newspaper office to see if she can discover the identity of the guy who threatened Bess. So much hurt/comfort potential!!!!

Nancy heads to San Diego in February, at the behest of a high school classmate, Susan, whose roommate just died under unusual circumstances. The roommate had confessed that she knew a “dangerous” secret, and Susan thinks she was killed. Along the way, Nancy stays faithful to her man despite being away from him for Valentine’s Day and gets the absolute daylights beaten out of her, cause people are...

Nancy investigates a string of burglaries around town that seem to be connected to the River Heights Country Club. She’s tossed into (and almost drowned in) the pool! It’s July 4, y’all, and Ned’s here so there are plenty of fireworks (mostly literal, sadly!). Also, the newest detective in the RHPD is unconvinced of Nancy’s awesomeness, so you know he’s gonna be disabused of that real quick.

Nancy and Bess take a “vacation” to New York to see Aunt Eloise and sightsee, and… get entangled in a mystery. The lead actor of a popular soap has been receiving threats, around the same time that he was offered and accepted a film contract. Is he also totally hot for Bess? Incredibly. Be ready for some body shaming and mental health problematics, y’all!

George wants more than anything to win the World Junior (Frosty) Champion crown! Or sash, or maybe scepter. She’s in a bike race being held near River Heights, but has been threatened and victim of several suspicious “accidents.” Meanwhile, Bill Gates discovers the code for Clippy has been stolen! While on this case, Nancy tangles with a killer shark (literally) but more importantly, NED SWEEPS HE...

Ned is described as Nancy’s “occasional” date in this one, which I forgive only thanks to some cheek kissing. Nancy is on the trail of a gang of clever house thieves who strike during parties held by rich people, which would have been fine if they had just been redistributing that wealth, y’all. George poses as Nancy and is kidnapped and has PTSD as a result! Also, there’s a French maid costume, w...

This is better described as “Mystery of the Mink Hoodwink.” Nancy, after nearly getting taken out by a rogue car, discovers that a mysterious Mrs. Channing has been selling local ladies sweet furs and worthless stock certificates. Then she finds that they’re posing as her! She’s also tapped to help her dad solve a case in Montreal, and they meet a trapper who looks like someone who couldn’t decide...

Nancy meets up with a himbo archaeologist (Bradley Cooper) who is searching for two things: a missing colleague and a priceless, possibly terrible, treasure. She also attends a dinner party at Ned’s frat, saves said himbo from a starvation death, and endures the dreaded TORTURE BRACELET. (It’s a standard bracelet, plus, y’know, evil.) Academic petty squabbles ahoy! Come get lost in the Florida key...

Carson Drew (Jon Hamm) is called to Boston to help his old buddy Captain Easterly, who wants to buy a boat. Said boat is being searched regularly for something, so Nancy comes along to check that out. Bess, George, Ned, Burt, and Dave join in. Nancy and Ned, who are clearly married now, visit a tattoo parlor and save the boat from a bad storm. A good time is had by all! Except when the Vulcan neck...

Nancy is investigating two mysteries: missing pottery, and a missing father and daughter. Both the pottery and the relatives are Chinese, and signs point to the clue of a leaning chimney near a pit of very special clay. Very important: Nancy and Ned attend a wedding! (Are they secretly married and is Ned investigating some complicated mystery at Emerson? Why not???)

Carson Drew (Jon Hamm, inventor of toaster strudel) is charged with bribing a judge to save his newspaper client reporter from revealing her source. Nancy springs into action! There’s actual murder in this one, y’all!

This club has it all! Nancy and Ned (and George) sharing an apartment! A horse-drawn carriage ride! Ned doing science experiments! Many tender interrupted moments! Ned plucking his lady from danger with what amounts to a claw machine! A helicopter blowing up! A dramatic villain confrontation! Soooo much drama!

Nancy’s longtime* friend Jennifer wakes Nancy with an urgent midnight call: her coworker has been murdered and was probably part of a smuggling operation! (*Legit never mentioned before or since.) Nancy and Bess hop the next flight to Seattle and get right to work: Nancy investigating and Bess going through what seems to be legit lightning-fast flight attendant school. There are trash bags of swea...

In which Nancy investigates her second kidnapping in a row! This one involves spoiled rich orphan Hal and his uncle-guardian Lance, who drives a Maserati. Hal vanishes, Lance finds a ransom note, and Nancy’s on the case! George goes undercover as a punk and the word “hell” is actually spoken (by a villain, natch!). Ned makes a special cameo appearance. Bloody car interiors and skeleton decorations...

In which Nancy investigates a ransom case… involving a girl who vanished 15 years earlier. Nancy reluctantly leaves Ned to head to Texas for her investigation, and he follows at the first excuse because he is her guy and Texas ranches are a lot, y’all. Also starring Anna Nicole Smith, the KFC guy, and a rodeo clown. Plus kangaroos! This club truly has it all!

In which my OTP is stuck in legit quicksand! In this season finale, Nancy takes on the case of a recently widowed woman whose late husband’s “spirit” is leading her to make bad financial and practical decisions. The Notorious NBG run into a spirit photographer in New Orleans, and the Church of Scientology (it’s not, but it kinda is?). Ned tries to get all romantic during a moonlit boat ride. Our b...