Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

Isaac is here! He couped his way to the top, and he has plans. Hopefully camping next to Mount Outrageous Damage with Ethel the Pecheneg doesn’t slow him down…

We are back! After having a break to talk about the slave revolts of the Republic, we are back ranking all the emperors. Apparently things start going downhill after the Macedonian Dynasty - so let’s see if that is true. If Michael VI is anything to go by, oh, it is true.

We were very lucky this week to be joined by the amazing Partial Historians! They are experts in the field, and this field has a tree, and under this tree is a man named Spartacus! Find out about the man, the myth and how he has been used throughout history. Plus, a fabulous return of our ever popular, regular feature: 'How Well Do You Know Your Co-Host?'!

In our first ever interview episode (for the Roman series) we are lucky enough to have a chat with John and Andy from Saga Thing! Ever wondered what those Northern Barbarian were thinking about the empire? Well, find out! Also, we test John and Andy on how well they know each other. Who is the ultimate Saga Thing host? Find that out also! 

Schedule update with the Battle of Zama thrown in as a bonus for you lovely people. 

We have covered her uncle, her father, her sister and three of her brother-in-laws, so now it it time to get Theodora's side of the story. She is the least known about of all of them so we do what we can to unravel her life story! 

When The Ship Smearer came to an untimely end, someone needed to step in. Zoe and Theodora did, but many in The Powerful felt they lacked a certain appendage that made them qualify. So an old flame of Zoe was found to rule the empire. Constantine Monomachos? Why not? How bad can he be?

We have covered a lot of her life, but now we get to dive in and see what life was like from her perspective. Just who was Zoe? And how did she survive the reign of 5.5 emperors? And exactly just how many hotty-bits-on-the-side called Constantine did she have?

Michael V may be the son of Steve the Ship Smearer, but that does not mean he can't become a great emperor! No! His lack of understanding the public mood does!

So Romanos is dead, and John has a plan. As does Zoe. It's a simple plan: put John's little brother and hotty-bit-on-the-side-of-Zoe Michael on the throne! What's the worst that can happen?

Constantine is about to die, and he needs an heir. Who better than Romanos? Who? The Urban Prefect? Yeah, he'll do. Likes to read doesn't he? Yeah... He'll do...

Just a little update to let you all know how we are and what our plans are.

How can you follow Basil II? Well, we suggest not like this. Constantine VIII loved to drink and gamble and wrestle and make his 'special' sauce. But running an empire currently enjoying a golden age? Nah...

We get to arguably the last big name of the series, and its a good one: Basil II the Bulgar Slayer. Jamie has doubts, but can Basil II impress him? Join us on this journey involving intrigue, civil war, one-on-one duels, Mace-eye, and a small appearance from a guest podcast!

Basil II is still a pup and Nikephoros is dead. Who can take charge of the empire? How about the man who literally just beat the last one close to death before cutting his head off to be sure? He'll do. Hopefully he is a decent chap. Oh, and the Russians are coming!

Nikephoros II knows how to do two things: love God and to shove swords in people until they are dead. The sources greatly differ to as what kind of ruler he was. So what was he? A monster who fell in love? A man falling his duty when he wants to follow God? A man who simply loves a good battle? Find out!

Romanos II. What to say about Romanos II? Well, according to the sources, not much because there is a general out there called Nikephoros and he is doing all sorts of exciting things. So join us while we find out about this general and occasionally mention the emperor! 

He was gently couped when he was young, something that does no growing lad any good. But now he is surrounded by a step-family who are only keeping him alive out of convenience, can Constantine do anything about his situation? 

So, he wasn't going to get an episode - but you guys insisted. So you have no one to blame but yourselves. 

  Zoe is out of action, now Romanos just needs to deal with the Partriach Nicholas, the general Leo Phocas, the Bulgar King Symeon, the many uprisings, the Caliphate, the famine, the vikings - VIKINGS!? Yep, those too. Romanos does not have it easy, but how does he do?

Zoe of the coal-black eyes. She is not always listed as an emperor, but we are including her as she undoubtably ruled in her own right for a few years. However - these were not good years... There is an angry Patriach plotting revenge, a scored general plotting a coup, another general plotting a coup, oh, and a third general plotting a coup. Things are about to get quite coupy.

  Here he is! The one you have been waiting for! it's Alexan- who? Oh, sorry. No one has ever been waiting for Alexander II. But here is an episode on him anyway!

Leo the Wise has Daddy issues. Mainly, he does not know if his daddy is the man who hates him, or the man who the man who hates him murdered. He is not treated well my his supposed father, but when a tragic hunting accident propels Leo to the throne... well, it's time for a bit of payback.

There were many prophecies that foretold of Basil's rise, unfortunately no one believed them. But then he managed to make friends with a drunk emperor and the world suddenly seemed so much full of opportunity.

He is young, he is in love, and he is very drunk. His uncle keeps banging on about something to do with the patriach and the pope. He is fairly certain some vikings were around not too long ago, or was that his mistress? Hmmm. It’s all a bit of a blur. It’s a good thing good-old Basil is here to help him out…