Retro Fanfic Retrospective

(TW: domestic abuse) Old-school Sailor Moon fanfiction, courtesy of old-school Sailor Moon fan Jet Wolf. For being generally awesome, Makoto is granted a wish by the most immensely-helpful wish-granting fairy ever. Surely nothing can go wrong. Link to the fanfic: bit.ly/rfrending Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Chec...

Legolas and Gimli go on a spelunking trip, if you know what I mean. Then they go gaze upon a beautiful wood, if you get my gist. Gimli is not sure Legolas gets the gist. Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

To celebrate Valentine’s Day, we look back on these paramilitary guardians of feelings. How will they cope with the arrival of a long-lost, magic-using member of their family? Probably with love and caring. (Except for Share Bear. What is your problem, Share Bear?) Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our websi...

We lure special guest Gaelan onto the show with two Final Fantasy Tactics stories, each of which earned their authors cold, hard cash. Delita gets stabbed more than once. Facing down a JRPG protagonist in combat is a terrifying prospect. Links to the stories: bit.ly/rfrtactics1 and bit.ly/rfrtactics2 Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometim...

We get in deep over our heads trying to untangle the plot threads in this alternate ending to Endless Waltz. In response, we deploy our secretly-developed weapon, special guest Chris. (Overuse of Chris may drive the user insane.) Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrwing Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website...

The fanfic which answers the question that all Avatar fans were wondering - “what if Iroh adopted a seven year-old Katara?” Wait, that’s not the question. “What contortions of canon would be necessary to get Katara and Zuko to make out?” That sounds more like it. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrtempest Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometime...

(TW: gaslighting, grooming, abuse) Lurking in the margins of Chamber of Secrets, a pretty “meh” book, is a pretty amazing fanfic. Special guest CJ returns to discuss innumerable pages of teen girl journaling and abusive relationships. Ginny Weasley proves to be a badass. Tom Riddle is very proud of his anagrams. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrsecret Three friends read old fanfiction that they think...

An infamous fanfic which some Star Wars fans thought was a leaked treatment for Episode 3. Would we pay $15 for this in 1977 money? What’s cooler, using the Force to blast someone with lightning, or using the Force to run an evil-sorcery school on another planet? And is a Merchanter’s Guild less boring than a Trade Federation? Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrfall Three friends read old fanfiction tha...

(TW: sexual assault) Pikachu burrows into an evil sentient Rock Pokémon’s body and makes it explode to death. That’s in chapter 1. Obviously, we’re in for quite a ride. Luckily, former Pokémon fanfic writer Taran is here to help keep us on-track. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrmaster Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Ch...

Great Scott! Special guest Serena joins us to discuss a Back to the Future fanfic. Is any time travel actually involved? Is the antagonist of this fanfic also the main character? How incestuous is the McFly family, exactly? How will sewing machines play into all this? Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrtime Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail....

It’s our Christmas episode, and nothing says “Christmas” like heated, bitter arguments between family members with different beliefs. Try to guess which Turtle converts to Lutheranism. Then try to guess which Turtle is a total asshole about it. (That one’s Raph. Obviously it’s Raph.) Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrturtles Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficR...

Jason the Red Ranger must come to terms with the fact that he and his friends kill sentient beings, like, all the frigging time. Who are the REAL monsters here? Probably the heartless capitalists at Saban. And maybe also the Pumpkin Rapper. bit.ly/rfrloss Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website at bit....

A classic of Sailor Moon fanfiction, full of tender moments, gory violence, and people being really goddamn nosy about Raye’s teenage sex life. Mina becomes an unappreciated transhumanist superhero. Tuxedo Mask falls off a tree branch and almost dooms the world. bit.ly/rfrraye Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

Special guest CJ replaces Amado to talk about wars in the stars. Young Princess Leia bonds with Lord Vader, who is as cuddly as a superpowered murder fascist can be. If you think this will end in death and betrayal, you are familiar with Darth Vader. bit.ly/rfrfathersheart Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

We unseal the endless well of Harry Potter fanfiction. Combine Draco and Harry, shake well, and you end up with two snarky teen anti-heroes who want to make out with Hermione. bit.ly/rfrdraco Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

We delve deep into the primordial soup of slash fanfiction. McCoy gets sick of Kirk and Spock’s shit and fixes their relationship for them, which sounds about right. Spock is saved from tiny bears. Kirk expounds upon his sexual exploits. Tory recoils from thinking of Kirk as sexy. bit.ly/rfrinnocence Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.c...

If there’s something strange in the neighborhood, you probably live in Manhattan. Ghosts are busted, gars are goyled, and mercifully, Slimers are completely absent. bit.ly/rfrheaven Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

Optimus Primal learns wisdom from the natives. Dinobot stomps around and grumbles about honor. Everyone gets into an enormous brawl. We try not to think too much about space robot gender politics. bit.ly/rfrprogram Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

NERV must harness half-understood occult knowledge to battle a series of blasphemous alien demigods and preserve the fate of humanity in the face of a vast, indifferent cosmos. So it’s basically business as usual. Amado confesses one of his tabletop roleplaying shames. bit.ly/rfrcthulhu Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

Microsoft hates us so it deleted our backlog of episodes. In place of our regularly scheduled episode, enjoy this pilot episode. (TW: sexual exploitation of minors) Ranma seizes the moral high ground. The light of Christ inspires Ukyo. Genma is an even worse father than he was in canon, in the darkest way possible. Tory gets very excited about a bite. Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic an...

I wonder, I wonder, do you know what I wonder? Amado and Tory struggle to stay on topic and not just talk about Revolutionary Girl Utena for an hour.  “Exit, Pursued by a Bear” speaks to the community theater actor in Dom. “Other People” half charms Amado. Nobody likes “Hung Juri.” Sorry, Juri. bit.ly/rfrjoncarputena Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetr...

In the first novel in Twoflower’s Slayers Trilogy, the protagonists must look within themselves and face their flaws. One might say they spend a lot of time… REFLECTING? And we do. We say that. bit.ly/rfrslayersreflect Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

Our first attempt at a Digimon fanfic features lots of talking, inconclusive flirting between Mimi and Joe, and no Digimon whatsoever. BlackWarTorymon is not pleased. bit.ly/rfrmyyouth Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

We tackle a fanfic that reads like a very serviceable episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but with more Sailor Scouts and less Wesley Crusher. We’ll take that trade. bit.ly/rfrsailortrek Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com

Who does Shinji love? Asuka? Rei? Kaworu but with boobs? One thing’s for sure - no matter who it is, it’s not going to matter, because almost everything is going to unfold just like it did in the anime. bit.ly/rfrtoili Check out our website at bit.ly/retrofanfic and send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospective@gmail.com