Retro Fanfic Retrospective

Finally the game is concluded. All it took was hard work, consulting hints online, and the sacrifice of Tory’s moral compass. And also a little pole-vaulting.   Link to the game: bit.ly/rfrmnc   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website at https://bit.ly/retrofanfic  Send us emails at RetroFanficRetrospe...

For the first time, we read a Xena: Warrior Princess fanfic that features Xena: Warrior Princess. It's equal parts detailed exploration of Xena and Gabrielle's sex life; Xena killing fools; and fairy tales about dragons. The dragons are, again, metaphors.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrdragon   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes the...

We introduce special guest Ashley to the infinite possibilities of transformative fiction, in this shocking and revolutionary story where… Gilbert Blythe sweetly courts Anne Shirley. It’s very Hallmark Channel. Gilbert bounces between being a nice guy, and being a Nice Guy (TM). Anne is a badass at childcare. Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right...

Prince Alexander takes up his father Graham’s adventuring hat in this early fangame offering by Interactive Fantasies. Is the crude ZZT game engine capable of capturing the humor and charm of the beloved King’s Quest series? Absolutely! Does this game actually do so? Well… that’s another story.   Link to the game: bit.ly/rfrquest   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. S...

(TW: rape) Amado wanted to read something by astolat, so obviously he skipped right over every popular fandom she’s ever written for and went straight for the D&D cartoon fanfiction. We cheer for Eric (or is that Hank?), and definitely do not cheer for Venger/Sheila. The characters fail at powergaming. Dungeon Master pulls a Luke Skywalker eighteen years before Luke Skywalker does.   Link to the s...

It's a new co-host in a very old fanfic, as special guest Julia joins us on a pleasant return tour through Wonderland. Fanfiction prefaces haven't changed much in 125 years. The dream-like atmosphere is rather literally dream-like. The Walrus and the Carpenter get what's coming to them, for a hot second.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfralice   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might...

Ringing in 2020, special guest Taran returns to discuss WLAMO, the Pokemon epic that he wrote as a young teen. It’s pretty much like the Pokemon anime, except that Ash is mature, strong, smart, talented, courteous, polite, kind, humble, and completely unbearable. And also a Saiyan; let’s just put that out there up front. Pikachu is part of a divine plan.  A secret second guest author is revealed....

Amado and Tory continue their quest to seduce Juri in the Utena text adventure game, and this time they actually get some stuff accomplished. Or at the very least make Tory feel like a bad person.    Link to the game: bit.ly/rfrmnc   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website at https://bit.ly/retrofanfic...

Post-breakup, the former Beatles are pulled back together for a magical adventure series of unpleasant experiences that will reforge their bonds and make them stronger people traumatize them, mostly. John takes his brand-new wings and learns to fly. Omnipotent alien sophomores should have known better.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrstrings   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might...

While Amado is away Tory and Dom watch and then immediately discuss the first four episodes of Steven Universe Future. Hands can somehow still look good without wrists. Dom can't help but say Steven's full name every time.    Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Sometimes they are not. Check out our website at https://bit.ly/retrofanfic  Send u...

Empty Movement webmasters Yasha and Vanna join us from the surreal, timeless realm of Canada, giving us a critical mass of diehard Revolutionary Girl Utena fans. The expected digressions ensue. Also, we read a fanfic where Saionji experiences gender dysphoria, sleeps with Touga, and slays a dragon. The dragon is a metaphor. The dysphoria is all too real.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrafter   Thre...

We flash back to our teenage selves as we read Cassandra Claire’s oddly-intricate chronicle of interlocking sex jokes. Hobbits and pervy hobbit-fanciers abound. Aragorn’s bathing situation is a matter of high import. The mystery of Gandalf’s pointy hat trick remains impenetrable. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrsecret2   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they...

Han Solo is put through the wringer as the Rebellion tries to root out a remaining pocket of Imperial resistance. Clones have a rough life. Chewbacca almost definitely wouldn’t pull your arms from their sockets. Amado becomes a fan of the new Sith on the block.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrdarkness   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Somet...

Janine and Egon are recruited by three ex-Rangers to investigate the many mysterious goings-on in Angel Grove: giant monsters, mystical power grids, renegade demigoddesses, and the fact that the most popular teen hangout spot is a juice bar. Scorpina channels Lum. All glasses-wearing nerds are related. Tommy is in the center of a love triangle and nobody asks his opinion about it. Link to the stor...

It’s a fanfic just like Grandma Trek used to make, as we delve into the uncut and unedited Mind-Sifter. Kirk is thrown back in time, traumatized and amnesiac. But don’t you worry, he still manages to mack on women. Spock and Bones go head-to-head. Chekov is at the center of everything for some reason.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrmind   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be...

We just can’t stop talking about Final Fantasy VII, as special guest Chris returns to help us discuss the second story in Frank Verderosa’s FFVII Internet Series. The Turks join forces with AVALANCHE, and nobody is happy about it. Zargan is the source of all martial arts knowledge on the Planet. We discuss the merits of skinning Cait Sith. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrseries Three friends read old...

Special guest Chris joins us for the start of Frank Verderosa's FFVII Internet Series. Fetch-quests abound as the AVALANCHE crew gets back together to undo the game’s most infamous plot development. Yuffie is the best, which is to say the worst. Reeve spends all his time remote-controlling a moogle and nobody thinks that’s weird.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrseries   Three friends read old fanfi...

Special guest CJ fills in for Dom as we watch the CSI crew try to solve the murder of the luckiest kid in the world. They are not paid enough to deal with a crowd of indistinguishable singing witnesses, physics-defying candy, and taffy people. Willy Wonka is a wizard, like seriously. We become offended on behalf of Augustus Gloop. Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. So...

Sci-fi legend Roger Zelazny pens a mega-crossover involving Universal Monsters, Sherlock Holmes, the Cthulhu Mythos, and several pop-culture historical figures, and somehow avoids making it overly complicated. The fate of the world is decided by math, gossip, scavenger hunts, and murder. Sherlock Holmes has to have a serious conversation with a dog.   Three friends read old fanfiction that they th...

Caught off-guard by a sick Dom, Amado’s best idea is to make Tory play a fan-made Utena text adventure game where you play a new transfer student hell-bent on making out with Juri. We don’t get too far, but Amado does convince Tory to SEDUCE SAIONJI, so there’s that.   Link to the game: bit.ly/rfrmnc   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes they are right. Somet...

Haruka is a queer teen who inspires queer teens, as we tackle Greenbeans’s “Distant” alongside the zine “Queer Sailor Moon Fanfiction Saved My Life.” The author peels back the curtain into Haruka’s childhood, which is full of baked goods and crushing parental disapproval. Guess she’ll just have to become a lucratively successful professional racecar driver at age fifteen! Oh yeah, and there’s some...

Can you measure this love? No, and neither we nor the fanfic even attempt to do so. Instead, Clark hangs out with his mom and pop, Lois is a badass investigative reporter but only off-screen, and there’s a lengthy, stressful hostage situation featuring a rather one-dimensional villain.    Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrharry   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometime...

We lure Remus Lupin fan Emily back onto the show with Stealing Harry, an alternate Harry Potter timeline with less child abuse and more gay sex. Lupin makes an unforgivable book recommendation. Turning into a dog is surprisingly useful in daily life. Snape is much more likable when he’s not bullying children. Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrharry   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think mi...

We want FANFICS! Fanfics about SPIDER-MAN! But because we’re retro only, it’s a fanfic about the 2004 movie “Spider-Man 2.” No, not the one where Tobey Maguire dances, and not the one with the upside-down kiss. The one with the train scene. This is a fanfic about that. That scene specifically.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrtrain   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. S...

Enjoy a fever-ridden flashback to the distant past... of Angel, Season One. A plague hits the vampires of L.A., and nobody has a problem with that. However, when it incapacitates Angel, it’s up to a motley group of other characters to save the day. Most importantly, Dennis the Ghost.   Link to the story: bit.ly/rfrblood   Three friends read old fanfiction that they think might be good. Sometimes t...